In 2000 I lost my first cat Tyson (a siamese) to a car when he was 2 years old.
I grieved and grieved for so long. It was about a year before I got over the intense pain and even after that I missed him so much. I kept a journal about my grief and even put a few posts and this website. My journey through this loss was pretty intense, but eventually, time helped me heal.

In 2004 I was blessed and adopted another siamese kitten. It was love at first sight and I cried in the adoption room because I was so happy to have found love again and also because It brought up some residual grief I felt for my last cat. I named him Tiggy and he was a beautiful, brilliant, affectionate cat. I especially loved his eyes which were two shades of bright blue. I live with my aging grandparents and an uncle who is mentally disabled. The cat brought so much joy to the household. The family relations are strained here, yet the cat united everyone by giving us something to smile, talk and laugh about. I swore this time, my cat would remain indoors. However, bit by bit my family began letting him out. "He comes back" they'd say. "He doesn't go far." "He just runs out when we open the door." I even bought a cat harness for us to use so the cat could enjoy the outdoors and stay safe. It was used for a few months but then they just started letting him out without it. They would let him out when I wasn't home. They'd let him out and ingnore my expressed fears about him getting hit by a car. I finally gave up my protests to keep the cat indoors and just hoped he'd stay alive long enough for me to graduate college, move, and keep him safely under lock and key.
My greatest fear was that this wouldn't happen soon enough and he would be struck and killed by a car.

My nightmare was realized on November 9th, 2005.

Apparently my cat just ran out in front of a van. The driver tried to stop but it was too late, my cat had been struck. According to a witness, after being hit, my cat ran to the other side of the road, his leg broken, and died after a small series of convulsions. The witness said he went over to my cat and laid his hands on him so he could feel human touch and would not be alone when he left this world.

The cat was hit a block away from my house. When the driver phoned to let us know, my uncle ran over there and punched the driver, after that he was arrested. I felt bad for the driver, it wasn't his fault. He did the right thing by stopping and notifying us. But, as I had protested over months and months, cats have no road sense and this is what happens when they are allowed outdoors. My uncle said he just flew into a rage. He's given up on people and the cat was his best friend.

I wasn't home at the time so when I found out I went into hysterics. Now I'm just numb and so so sad. The house is not the same. It's just a big empty void. I'm so mad at my family for letting him out and also at myself for not being even more assertive that he be kept inside. I not only feel my grief, but I also feel the grief of my family members. Our animal companion was so special. He brough such a pure and simple joy to our lives. Now he is gone.

Why........

dear shauna- tiggy really was a beautiful siamese cat. my baby bear (black lab) was also killed on the road. he had no road sense either, but if i was around he would listen to my command to stay off of it. i blamed my wife for a week now for not complying with my wishes and keeping my boy under constant watch (never let him out unless she stay out back on our deck until he came in). he was never allowed to roam any farther than he could hear my hand clap. he was never allowed in another car unless his daddy was there, and she ignored that too. she took him in her sister's car, left him alone, and he found his way through a partially opened window and went into the store to find them ! he was a very inquisitve dog and wanted to meet everybody. well, that day everything turned out ok and he was rewarded for his bad behavior with meeting new people and getting doggie bones, but later at home, she left him out unsupervised with tragic results. i am trying to blame myself for being incarserated for five days, but i know if i had put my treasured friend in a kennel till i was released, i wouldn't even know of this website. try not to blame your grandparents or uncle for what has happened to your beautiful Tiggy. it will do no good and only cause you all more grief. on the day i was released and found out my boy boy was dead, i also flipped as your uncle did . i did much destuction to my own
property and also broke my probation by drinking. i had 2 police cars respond to me acting like a crazed lunatic outside, beating on my tree with a baseball bat and jumping through my wife's car windows in my bare feet. it could have cost me 10 more days in jail, but who the hell cared-i had already recieved a life sentence without my baby. he was only 4yrs. old.(i got him as an abused 1 yr. old dog). thinking back my 48 yrs., i can remember losing 3 dogs and 3 or 4 cats to traffic, but deadly accident do happen(they are accident;no one let them happen on purpose!)
you didn't replace your 1st beloved cat with Tiggy, you only continued in its love and had more of it to share with your recently departed friend. i 'll bet in time , whenever the time is right (maybe after you graduate college?) , you will want to continue in the love you and Tiggy shared with another cat who needs you. i hope you can find some peace as time passes, but remember that you are not alone. i and the many grieving souls that post their grief here love you ron in pa

You know when I first read the headline I shamefully admit I wasn't going to read your post because honestly I find the judgemental side of me rearing when I read about people's grief when they continue to lose their pets on the road, get new ones and do the same thing again without considering the consequences.

When I read your post I realized you tried everything in your power to protect this kitty and I am SO SORRY the result was so heartbreaking. The fault in this case doesn't lie with the driver, in fact it was commendable that he stopped and tried to help, so many just don't care.

Your relatives likely think that cats have no life unless they can roam, they are not alone in thinking that, but what they don't realize is that our pets have the mentality of a two year old, one would not let a two year old child run about outside near a roadway unsupervised. I hope they now realize that.
When I was growing up I had a cat who was allowed outside but we lived far away from busy roadways on a small cul de sac. When I grew up and got my own cats I made the decision to keep them inside, I trained them as soon as I got them on a leash or harness if they wanted to go outside. One did not like the outdoors the other two loved going exploring with me, it bonded our relationship and we had adventures together. Your relatives need to know that it can be done and the cats are truly happy.

I hope your relatives now realize what you were so worried about all along. It was a horrible accident and it could have been prevented with a little support from them. However it was obvious that your uncle loved this cat...his actions were not of malice, he certainly didn't intentionally let your cat out to be killed. But I really hope for your sake and for the sake of the memory of your beautiful siamese that they will respect your wishes in the future when the day comes that you feel able to love another kitty again.

Again I am so sorry you have to go through this again, I know how much it hurts to lose a furbaby, I lost two within a month.
Light a little candle for him and tell him how you felt, he already knows but it might help make you feel better, maybe your relatives will take part also as a way to say goodbye. The love doesn't die.

Thanks for the kind thoughts from both of you.
The guilt is starting to increase.
I could have this.... I should have that.... If only I had....
I know this train of thought is useless, why do we torture ourselves this way?
I'm going to get some counseling provided through my school. This grief is as intense as it would be for any human member of my family.
Warm hugs for both of you and any other brave soul who faces this unique type of grief.