First off, I promise to ask for help here where I live if I need it, but I need to talk to people who understand.
On 8/15/05 I had to help my beloved dogter Madison (black ##er Spaniel) die. My grief is overwhelming. Right now I'm at a point of wanting to be with her so bad. What do I do? Life is so unfair. She was my everything. She was why I was living and why I got up in the morning.
Does anyone have suggestions to help me? Part of why her loss is so hard (aside from being completely devoted to her) is I'm Bi-Polar and so am already subjected to horrible depressions. Her death has severely compounded the situation. Yes, I'm working with counselors, but of course I have to have my worse day ever on a Saturday night.
Full Version: Severe Grief Over Loss...
Dear Jeni,
What you're feeling is so normal. I'm so sorry you have the added difficulty of struggling with depression. I know that must be almost too much to bear. I don't know if this will help, but please try to think about how much Madison's love in your life will always, always be in your heart, no matter how great the grief of missing her physical presence. I've lost two sweet girls, the best little black mutts in the world, in the past year. All I can tell you is that it will get better over time. I try to think of the deaths of my best little friends as, rather than a door closing, one opening, to allow another pet who is in need of love & care, into my home. I know this is probably the furthest thing from your mind now, because Madison could never and will never be replaced. But do try to let the idea simmer on the back burner for awhile, and think about how much love and companionship you could bring to another little furry friend some time in the future. I've found that a new pet can be a wonderful way to honor the memory of the ones who've gone on.
Both times when I lost my girls, I prayed for a sign that I would know that they were all right. And both times, I saw a rainbow. Once the next morning after a spring rain, and just the other day, across my dining room table coming through a glass of water. The rainbow is, from a biblical perspective, the sign from the Noah's Ark story, of God's covenant with all his creatures. I don't know whether you are religious or not, but personally the only thing that has gotten me through all of this is knowing in my heart that God is taking care of the little spirits that were my Allie and my Lucy, and knowing that some day I will see them again. So if you can allow your heart to believe that, I think it could be a source of great comfort for you.
But if you're like some who don't believe in the life hereafter, try to focus on the wonderful life that Madison led with you as her Mom. It will take some time to be able to allow the memories to make you happy rather than sad. But you can take comfort in the fact that you gave her so much love and happiness. That is something to be proud of. Maybe you could think of having a marker made for your garden to honor her memory, or something else similar if you don't have a garden.
Believe me, I know how hard this is. Try to stay busy when you can, watching a movie, or talking with friends, etc. Not to say that you shouldn't let yourself cry when you need to. You've got to cry and let the tears cleanse you. But I try to remember something my grandfather said: "Let yourself visit sadness, but don't take up residence there." Easier said than done, but I still think it's good advice.
Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes,
((((((HUGS)))))))
Jenny
What you're feeling is so normal. I'm so sorry you have the added difficulty of struggling with depression. I know that must be almost too much to bear. I don't know if this will help, but please try to think about how much Madison's love in your life will always, always be in your heart, no matter how great the grief of missing her physical presence. I've lost two sweet girls, the best little black mutts in the world, in the past year. All I can tell you is that it will get better over time. I try to think of the deaths of my best little friends as, rather than a door closing, one opening, to allow another pet who is in need of love & care, into my home. I know this is probably the furthest thing from your mind now, because Madison could never and will never be replaced. But do try to let the idea simmer on the back burner for awhile, and think about how much love and companionship you could bring to another little furry friend some time in the future. I've found that a new pet can be a wonderful way to honor the memory of the ones who've gone on.
Both times when I lost my girls, I prayed for a sign that I would know that they were all right. And both times, I saw a rainbow. Once the next morning after a spring rain, and just the other day, across my dining room table coming through a glass of water. The rainbow is, from a biblical perspective, the sign from the Noah's Ark story, of God's covenant with all his creatures. I don't know whether you are religious or not, but personally the only thing that has gotten me through all of this is knowing in my heart that God is taking care of the little spirits that were my Allie and my Lucy, and knowing that some day I will see them again. So if you can allow your heart to believe that, I think it could be a source of great comfort for you.
But if you're like some who don't believe in the life hereafter, try to focus on the wonderful life that Madison led with you as her Mom. It will take some time to be able to allow the memories to make you happy rather than sad. But you can take comfort in the fact that you gave her so much love and happiness. That is something to be proud of. Maybe you could think of having a marker made for your garden to honor her memory, or something else similar if you don't have a garden.
Believe me, I know how hard this is. Try to stay busy when you can, watching a movie, or talking with friends, etc. Not to say that you shouldn't let yourself cry when you need to. You've got to cry and let the tears cleanse you. But I try to remember something my grandfather said: "Let yourself visit sadness, but don't take up residence there." Easier said than done, but I still think it's good advice.
Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes,
((((((HUGS)))))))
Jenny
Jeni,
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes people who are not "dog" or "pet" people minimize this loss and do not quite understand it. You have come to the right place to find people who know what you are going through. You did not help your beloved pet die--you helped her find relief from the pain she was in. Right now, your grief is so overwhelming that this must be difficult to understand. I lost a Sheltie one month ago--not from helping her leave this world. She just laid down and died after being perfectly fine earlier in the day. I do not understand her going even now. But someone a lot wiser than I am told me, "She just had other plans." I am sure that words do not help you ease your pain right now, particularly since this is a Saturday night again. Just rest assured that others are feeling your loss with you and are keeping you in their thoughts tonight. I am sure that I am. Take care, and come back and tell us how you are doing.
Bless you.
Pat
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes people who are not "dog" or "pet" people minimize this loss and do not quite understand it. You have come to the right place to find people who know what you are going through. You did not help your beloved pet die--you helped her find relief from the pain she was in. Right now, your grief is so overwhelming that this must be difficult to understand. I lost a Sheltie one month ago--not from helping her leave this world. She just laid down and died after being perfectly fine earlier in the day. I do not understand her going even now. But someone a lot wiser than I am told me, "She just had other plans." I am sure that words do not help you ease your pain right now, particularly since this is a Saturday night again. Just rest assured that others are feeling your loss with you and are keeping you in their thoughts tonight. I am sure that I am. Take care, and come back and tell us how you are doing.
Bless you.Pat
Thank you Jenny and Pat for your responses. Yes, the pain is overwhelming. Madison was why I got up in the morning. Madison was why I took every breath I did. Madison was my reason for living. I'm not trying to find why I'm still here.
I know all this is to get easier with time. It just hurts so much. I've arranged to talk to a friend this afternoon. She is the youth leader at our church and also a close friend. I just want Madison back. I could have had her 100 years and I still would feel robbed with her passing.
Why do we let ourselves love another so much?
Thank you again for your kind words. They do help. I'm glad I found this site. It is so helpful to know that I'm understood. I am also so sorry that all of us have suffered these great losses in our lives. Animals are just so special.
I know all this is to get easier with time. It just hurts so much. I've arranged to talk to a friend this afternoon. She is the youth leader at our church and also a close friend. I just want Madison back. I could have had her 100 years and I still would feel robbed with her passing.
Why do we let ourselves love another so much?
Thank you again for your kind words. They do help. I'm glad I found this site. It is so helpful to know that I'm understood. I am also so sorry that all of us have suffered these great losses in our lives. Animals are just so special.
We are sent our little darlings because we want to experience unconditional love, we just cant get that from a human, there are always conditions attached.
I believe that we have to learn from this unconditional love, we have learned how to receive it now it is our turn to give it as best we can.
Opportunities will present themselves to you and your life will take on a new meaning, my pain led me down a path i never new existed, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time to see through the grief and one day your new path will show itself to you and you WILL be happy again.
Love Sue
I believe that we have to learn from this unconditional love, we have learned how to receive it now it is our turn to give it as best we can.
Opportunities will present themselves to you and your life will take on a new meaning, my pain led me down a path i never new existed, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time to see through the grief and one day your new path will show itself to you and you WILL be happy again.
Love Sue
Jeni....
I am also so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved dog exactly a week ago today. It was very sudden. This has been a very difficult thing for me to deal with as well. For his work, my husband goes away for extended periods of tme. AnnieBear was my best friend, and took care of me while he was gone. He has to go away this week, only for a few days, but I am dreading being alone without my AnnieBear. The house seems so quiet and lonely. I totally understand how you are feeling. I am grieving for this dog more than I ever had for any person. It is extrememly painful.
I was interested in Norah'sMom's posting, as I did see a rainbow a few days ago. It had happened to be a very difficult day for me. I did not think about it as being a sign from AnnieBear, but it brings me some comfort now, thinking that. Also, the day she died, there was a huge thunder and lightening storm and nothing like that was forcasted for the day. We live in AZ which is normally very dry and sunny. It does rain from time to time, but that storm seemed as though it came out of nowhere. Unfortunately we did not go outside afterwards. Maybe we missed a sign that she was trying to send us then. Anyway....it makes me think our lost pets would want us to be outside, breathing inthe fresh air and enjoying nature as they did. Also, so we can notice things that we may not see when we are crying and don't want to ever get out of bed. I encourage you, when you are ready, do be outside, where your dog was probably the happiest.
Take care of yourself....it will get better.
Thinking of you...
AnnieBear's mom, Rachel
I am also so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved dog exactly a week ago today. It was very sudden. This has been a very difficult thing for me to deal with as well. For his work, my husband goes away for extended periods of tme. AnnieBear was my best friend, and took care of me while he was gone. He has to go away this week, only for a few days, but I am dreading being alone without my AnnieBear. The house seems so quiet and lonely. I totally understand how you are feeling. I am grieving for this dog more than I ever had for any person. It is extrememly painful.
I was interested in Norah'sMom's posting, as I did see a rainbow a few days ago. It had happened to be a very difficult day for me. I did not think about it as being a sign from AnnieBear, but it brings me some comfort now, thinking that. Also, the day she died, there was a huge thunder and lightening storm and nothing like that was forcasted for the day. We live in AZ which is normally very dry and sunny. It does rain from time to time, but that storm seemed as though it came out of nowhere. Unfortunately we did not go outside afterwards. Maybe we missed a sign that she was trying to send us then. Anyway....it makes me think our lost pets would want us to be outside, breathing inthe fresh air and enjoying nature as they did. Also, so we can notice things that we may not see when we are crying and don't want to ever get out of bed. I encourage you, when you are ready, do be outside, where your dog was probably the happiest.
Take care of yourself....it will get better.
Thinking of you...
AnnieBear's mom, Rachel
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