Three weeks ago today, we had to have Tico put to sleep as he had lost lots of weight and had finally stopped eating. He was 13- about average life span for a husky. He was gorgeous, mostly white, and had deep golden dark brown eyes that looked very kind. All the little kids would come up to him when we were out walking, and ask if he was a wolf. They loved to pet him and he loved them. His tail would go crazy.
I have been getting no exercise as I've been grieving for my dog as I have never grieved for the loss of a human.
When he was alive, when I said "walk" he would jump over the footstool back and forth, and just quiver from excitement when we were getting ready to go. We walked everywhere- especially the shelter belt at the edge of the college. He took me through all the seasons. We left our footsteps on the sweet earth. Sometimes I would drive to the country and we would walk there for miles.
I remember this summer was so darn hot and I kept thinking about how beautiful it would be when we could walk in the fresh air and beauty of Fall.
Last nite I walked by myself and it was all I could do to keep from crying out in public. As I write this, I am reliving all the old memories but not without pain. My heart is so empty.
I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience.
peace
Cathi
Full Version: First Walk Without My Tico
I am grieving for you in your loss. I cannot say if the pain gets less or not because I have not been able to get back out there and walk yet since I lost by beloved Sheltie 3 days ago. I am afraid I will meet one of the many friends we made on the daily walks through town and have to tell them what happened. I am not ready for that. A friend of mine had a similar situation, and didn't walk for many weeks. However one morning she awoke and decided it was time to find a new "friend" to walk with. I pray that this day will come for you and me. It, however, is difficult, and hurts. My thoughts are with you in your grief. The support I have gotten from strangers at this website has been incredible. Good luck in the coming days. You and your "best friend" will be in my thoughts as I go to bed tonight.
Being a cat owner, I can't totally relate. But I really feel your pain, the pain of emptiness. I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
Luna
Luna
Oh boy Cathi, do I know what you're talking about! My biggest regret (after going on vacation which lead to his death) is that we didn't get one more walk in the crunchy leaves. Everyone would ask what kind of dog Rush was, and he loved when kids would approach and pet him. He was so friendly and outgoing and loved his walks like nothing else. We would have to carry our tennis shoes outside to put them on somedays because he'd go bezerk when he saw you put them on. And forget about it if I went to the gym and he saw me in workout gear leaving without him, oh the look I'd get! LOL It was so hot this summer, the few times we did walk, he couldn't go very far. I promised him we'd go for lots of long walks along the lake when the fall came. Now that's not to be.
I've only managed 2 walks without him in the past month. I cried the first time and had to turn around, I felt so embarrased because a few people passed me and looked at me like I was crazy. The 2nd time, I made it the full trip without crying only because I ran and that made it faster. Then I felt guilty because I could never run with Rush, he had pins in one leg from an injury as a puppy. I stopped at the spot where I'll scatter his ashes and sat a while. I think he'll like it. Then again, he may just stay here where he appears to be content to move his bed every night and spook us occasionally with his tromps down the stairs!
I hope it helps to know someone else hates her walks now without her best buddy. It's lonely and not at all enjoyable.
It doesn't help either that I resent everyone who walks past me with their dog. Grr.
I've only managed 2 walks without him in the past month. I cried the first time and had to turn around, I felt so embarrased because a few people passed me and looked at me like I was crazy. The 2nd time, I made it the full trip without crying only because I ran and that made it faster. Then I felt guilty because I could never run with Rush, he had pins in one leg from an injury as a puppy. I stopped at the spot where I'll scatter his ashes and sat a while. I think he'll like it. Then again, he may just stay here where he appears to be content to move his bed every night and spook us occasionally with his tromps down the stairs!
I hope it helps to know someone else hates her walks now without her best buddy. It's lonely and not at all enjoyable.
It doesn't help either that I resent everyone who walks past me with their dog. Grr.
I'm a cat owner too, so I don't know about the walks.
But I do know how much it hurts to not have the "rituals" with your pet anymore.
take care
Tammy
But I do know how much it hurts to not have the "rituals" with your pet anymore.
take care
Tammy
Thanks all, my condolences to you too for losing your precious ones. I lost a cat too a few years ago..
A few times in the house, I have been able to imagine that Tico was walking by my side but only for a moment. The other day, I woke up crying and I felt his presence on the bed, licking my tears away. He was the most beautiful and kind creature I have ever known. I hope this gets easier for all of us.
A few times in the house, I have been able to imagine that Tico was walking by my side but only for a moment. The other day, I woke up crying and I felt his presence on the bed, licking my tears away. He was the most beautiful and kind creature I have ever known. I hope this gets easier for all of us.
I completely get where your coming from. After almost a month without my dog, I found myself last night calling for him outside when I went to let my other dog back inside. It's the first time I've done that. I think I just got so used to calling them both when they'd come in from their "bathroom" sessions. It's so difficult to learn to do normal activities again without thinking of the lost pet. I pray it gets easier for all of us here.
Julie
Frankie 2/14/02 - 9/7/05
Julie
Frankie 2/14/02 - 9/7/05
THE WALKS ? HA. I HATE MY WHOLE HOUSE AND SURROUNDS. SAD , SAD EXISTENCE , IF THAT'S WHAT YA CALL IT. AND IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS FOR ME.
Like some of the others, I haven't lost a dog (at least as an adult), but after losing my three kitties, I know how hard it is and how long it takes to incorporate our losses into our lives and feel like we're living somewhat "normal" lives again. Our beloved furbabies are such an integral part of our daily lives, of everything around us, of who we are as people! And every home-related habit we have seems to involve them one way or another!
I had the same experience you did, Julie. It's been about a month since I lost my last sweet girl, Winnie. At first, I thought about her constantly, so there was no mistaking that she was really gone! But, twice in the past week, I've found myself going about my daily routine and automatically looking for Winnie, expecting to find her sitting on the couch or taking a nap on the bed. It's such a horrible feeling to be shocked back into the reality that she's not physically here with me anymore! I have to say that I think her spirit has visited me, though, and it is such an enormous comfort to think of her wonderful soul living on and enjoying herself!
Like others have said, I pray for this to get easier for all of us. At least I can say that I'm glad to know so many truly loving and selfless people inhabit this earth! (It's sometimes hard to remember that!)
Peace and strength to all of you,
Eliza
I had the same experience you did, Julie. It's been about a month since I lost my last sweet girl, Winnie. At first, I thought about her constantly, so there was no mistaking that she was really gone! But, twice in the past week, I've found myself going about my daily routine and automatically looking for Winnie, expecting to find her sitting on the couch or taking a nap on the bed. It's such a horrible feeling to be shocked back into the reality that she's not physically here with me anymore! I have to say that I think her spirit has visited me, though, and it is such an enormous comfort to think of her wonderful soul living on and enjoying herself!
Like others have said, I pray for this to get easier for all of us. At least I can say that I'm glad to know so many truly loving and selfless people inhabit this earth! (It's sometimes hard to remember that!)
Peace and strength to all of you,
Eliza
Cathi,
This board has been a great support to me since I lost my baby Dixie, a gorgeous black lab but I never responded until your post. My girlie was 114 lbs. but had no idea she was big. She was the sweetest, most timid and loving girl and was 12 when we had to put her down exactly 2 months ago. Every day we would walk and all the neighborhood kids would come and pet her. If we walked by a house where one of her "friends" lived, she would pull me over even if they weren't in the yard. Then we would go to the "pondie", her favorite spot. If it wasn't pondie weather, I would try to take her around the block but she would stop dead and not move until I crossed the street to the pond so of course we went in all kinds of weather, even our freezing, snowy winters. If I was late for "walk-walk", she would sit and stare at me until I got up and took her out.
I give you such credit for getting out and walking so soon. I have not walked in two months since she's been gone. All I do is go to work and come home. I really miss the neighborhood and kids and their moms whom I would talk to every day but I just can't bring myself to walk yet. I don't think I will be able to do it until next spring (I'll probably be really fat by then). My husband says he'll walk with me but it wouldn't be the same. It was "girls only". So YES, there are people who have had the same experience. Good for you for getting your exercise. Every day is a little better but the pain will never go away. She is the third dog I've lost, my other were the "boys"-2 gorgeous Goldens.
It is also comforting that our babies lived long happy lives. There is so much tragedy on this board of people losing young animals to accidents, etc. Tico was lucky to have you for a mommy.
Laura
This board has been a great support to me since I lost my baby Dixie, a gorgeous black lab but I never responded until your post. My girlie was 114 lbs. but had no idea she was big. She was the sweetest, most timid and loving girl and was 12 when we had to put her down exactly 2 months ago. Every day we would walk and all the neighborhood kids would come and pet her. If we walked by a house where one of her "friends" lived, she would pull me over even if they weren't in the yard. Then we would go to the "pondie", her favorite spot. If it wasn't pondie weather, I would try to take her around the block but she would stop dead and not move until I crossed the street to the pond so of course we went in all kinds of weather, even our freezing, snowy winters. If I was late for "walk-walk", she would sit and stare at me until I got up and took her out.
I give you such credit for getting out and walking so soon. I have not walked in two months since she's been gone. All I do is go to work and come home. I really miss the neighborhood and kids and their moms whom I would talk to every day but I just can't bring myself to walk yet. I don't think I will be able to do it until next spring (I'll probably be really fat by then). My husband says he'll walk with me but it wouldn't be the same. It was "girls only". So YES, there are people who have had the same experience. Good for you for getting your exercise. Every day is a little better but the pain will never go away. She is the third dog I've lost, my other were the "boys"-2 gorgeous Goldens.
It is also comforting that our babies lived long happy lives. There is so much tragedy on this board of people losing young animals to accidents, etc. Tico was lucky to have you for a mommy.
Laura
Laura,
It was great to hear your story of Dixie! My dog, Bailey, had a best friend too that was a lab, Sunny! You were so lucky to have your Dixie for 12 years. I would give anything to have had my best friend for two more years. Hope you can find some comfort in walking the neighborhood. I have just walked our paths in the last couple of days and have found it terribly difficult, but soothing in some odd way. Just glad I got through that first walk without breaking down. Take care, and come back and let us all know how you are doing.
Pat
It was great to hear your story of Dixie! My dog, Bailey, had a best friend too that was a lab, Sunny! You were so lucky to have your Dixie for 12 years. I would give anything to have had my best friend for two more years. Hope you can find some comfort in walking the neighborhood. I have just walked our paths in the last couple of days and have found it terribly difficult, but soothing in some odd way. Just glad I got through that first walk without breaking down. Take care, and come back and let us all know how you are doing.
Pat
Pat,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm taking it day by day and hoping to walk again in the Spring. I'm so glad you found it comforting. Maybe I'll try before then. I know I was lucky to have her for 12 years but still felt horrible guilt when we had to put her down but I promised I would never let her suffer. I still talk to her all the time. I hope she's listening.
Laura
Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm taking it day by day and hoping to walk again in the Spring. I'm so glad you found it comforting. Maybe I'll try before then. I know I was lucky to have her for 12 years but still felt horrible guilt when we had to put her down but I promised I would never let her suffer. I still talk to her all the time. I hope she's listening.
Laura
I had to put my AnnieBear down this past Sunday, and I haven't been able to walk yet. We just moved from the East coast to Arizona and found a cozy house at the end of a dirt road up in the woods (yes, there ARE woods in Arizona). The biggest reason we chose this house was for AnnieBear. She loved when we woke up in the morning and went out for a 1/2 hour walk through the woods. It was the happiest she's been. We have only been in the house about a month and a half. I have not yet been able to walk since her passing. I know that it will be good for me and make me feel less stressed and more healthy, but I just cannot bring myself to go. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. We walked just a day before she got sick. She was perfectly happy, sniffing around for signs of deer and javelina and other critters that live in the woods. It's helpful to hear that other people have had difficulty with this too. At least I won't see anyone on my walks, so if I do have the courage to go, I won't have to interact with others while I am a blubbering mess.
To All,
I can completely understand and relate - I have lost 2 pets since March and my entire house is a strange foreign environment to me ~ I drive up at night and cannot find a reason to go in ~ I am wandering in a strange land ~ my reference points are gone ~ healing is slow ~ I need to find the light in my soul ~ I go through the motions and try to find small happiness in a cup of healing tea or a candle of remembrance ~ it is a difficult time for me to find the comfort ~ CC was helping me balance and center my world ~ now he has been seized from my life by the ravages of sudden and unexplainable cancer ~ this has sent me spinning sideways in a dizzying whirlwind of grief and disbelief.
My heart goes out to you ~ we can all be the strength for each other ~
It helps me to know I have others travelling my path ~ I see your shadows and feel your closeness even though we are not physically with each other ~
Thank you so very much and may God Bless you ~ May we all feel the wind at our backs and know that we are held in the hollow of His hand ~
Love and All Sincere Thoughts that we may find comfort in the dark ~
Kathryn
I can completely understand and relate - I have lost 2 pets since March and my entire house is a strange foreign environment to me ~ I drive up at night and cannot find a reason to go in ~ I am wandering in a strange land ~ my reference points are gone ~ healing is slow ~ I need to find the light in my soul ~ I go through the motions and try to find small happiness in a cup of healing tea or a candle of remembrance ~ it is a difficult time for me to find the comfort ~ CC was helping me balance and center my world ~ now he has been seized from my life by the ravages of sudden and unexplainable cancer ~ this has sent me spinning sideways in a dizzying whirlwind of grief and disbelief.
My heart goes out to you ~ we can all be the strength for each other ~
It helps me to know I have others travelling my path ~ I see your shadows and feel your closeness even though we are not physically with each other ~
Thank you so very much and may God Bless you ~ May we all feel the wind at our backs and know that we are held in the hollow of His hand ~
Love and All Sincere Thoughts that we may find comfort in the dark ~
Kathryn
AnnieBear'sMom,
Sor sorry about the loss of your beautiful baby. Three months and counting and I still can't walk. I have trouble even DRIVING around our neighborhood without my Dixie but New England will be dark and depressing in the winter and Arizona is always beautiful and uplifting (my second home because my kids live there) so I would try to get out, look at the mountains and the desert because I find them to be soothing and healing. Wish I was there so maybe we could walk together. All the best, Laura
Sor sorry about the loss of your beautiful baby. Three months and counting and I still can't walk. I have trouble even DRIVING around our neighborhood without my Dixie but New England will be dark and depressing in the winter and Arizona is always beautiful and uplifting (my second home because my kids live there) so I would try to get out, look at the mountains and the desert because I find them to be soothing and healing. Wish I was there so maybe we could walk together. All the best, Laura
I've been there....the emptiness and lonlyness are excrutiating.....but I think that Tico would want you to continue your beautiful walks.....one of the greatest joys in life for a dog is going for a walk! I really believe he is with you in spirit, and maybe gave you that nudge to get out there again. You are in my prayers....
Juls
Juls
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