Hannah
July 22, 1988 - April 19, 2005
My beautiful little girl has been gone for fifteen long months now. I miss you my little bright-eyed beauty queen. Your 17th birthday would have been in two days -- July 22. Oh, how I wish you were still here with me! Sometimes I think about it, and I can't believe you're really gone. Nothing will ever be as good without you. There's always the underlying knowledge and sadness that you aren't here with me, so there will always be something missing in my life, nothing will ever be really right again because you aren't here. I love, love, love you, my best little girl in the world, and I miss you SO VERY MUCH.
Mommy
(This is a picture of a very young Miss Hannah)
Time
When you left, everyone said that time would heal the wound.
But time is a two-edged sword.
When you had been gone for a second, I was wild
And I held you to me trying to stop the clock.
If I could only make time stand still
Then you would yet be with me.
But I am not that powerful.
There are so many things I cannot control...
Your leaving, my grieving, time....
So time is my enemy.
Every second that goes by removes you even more.
You become farther away from me.
How am I to remember your breath, your touch?
How am I to remember your love?
With time’s heartless passage, though, the sting eases.
I am not sure that everyone is right,
That time heals the wound.
But time helps the edges to smooth a bit
And perhaps draw closer together.
My grief is not so raw any more.
So time is my friend.
Every second that goes by soothes my pain a little.
The shock moves farther away from me.
But, oh, how I miss your breath, your touch.
I still love you, and I want you back.
And though I am not powerful at all,
Though it seems I cannot control anything,
I slowly become aware of the truth about time.
It is neither enemy nor friend.
I cannot fight it or woo it.
It simply is. It passes, and it takes me along with it.
I touch what I can and remember what was.
Tears of loss flow, and they cross the smiles of memory.
Together, the tears and the smiles recall you.
And together, they tell me that you still love me, too.
I know now that time means nothing in the scheme of things.
Meaning comes only from the love we shared,
The bond we forged,
And though you are gone, the love and the bond are not.
So, even though time tries to rule me,
It fails.
I love you still, as you love me, and nothing can change that.
Not even time.©Barbara Allen 2004