It is just a week short of 5 months since we lost Chili Bean. I just wanted to say that when Clair and I lost our babies, well Chili Bean was our fur grandbaby but she lived with us the last 9 months of her life, and Snookie it was like losing our children. We took care of their every need and thought of them before we did ourselves. We provided love, security, medical care, and we spoiled our babies, spoiled them rotten. People used to look at Snookie and say they could tell she was spoiled just by looking at her. I used to tell them that's why I got her, to spoil her rotten and make her feel so loved.

Our precious babies slept in bed with us, went to work with us, and traveled all over the country with us on vacations. We formed a bond with them with love so intense it can never be destroyed in any way, shape, or form. We carry them in our hearts and souls until we meet them in Heaven.

They gave back so much to Clair and I in return for the love and care we gave them. Chili Bean and Snookie was never to tired to play. We would play ball and tug of war and we would even go to the park and swing with them and go down the slide holding them. They would shake hands with us and play dead and that sort of thing.

I had a basket on my 3 wheel bike and they would ride in it with me, we would take food, water, and toys with us. We would stop and lay in the grass to rest and we would pet them and they would kiss us. My husband Clair always said they were giving us a bath, when one did it the other had to do it too. We would chase them and they would turn and chase us until we all ended up on the ground hugging them.

At home they would sit in our laps as we watched tv or got on the computers. We even had a chair right next to both computers in case they wanted to sit in them. Then there was the dog beds for their comfort if they got tired of our laps or the chairs.

They always wanted snacks when we did and Clair said we would get some of the ice cream made for dogs. Oh how they all hated it and boy did we get some sad looks as they walked away for it. So from then on they had just a little of the real stuff. Snookie hated pop corn and Chili Bean loved it and would eat all she could sink her teeth in. They would sit and stare at us and we always shared everything with them.

Everytime we went out to eat they had to go with us so they could get there little to go box. My husband used to laugh and say he wondered if they wanted to be with us or if they just wanted to eat. Snookie would ride on Clair's leg and she would put her paw up near the window like Clair put his arm. Chili Bean would get beside me on the seat and lay there so happy to be with us.

This only describes a tiny bit of what it was like for us and our precious Snookie and Chili Bean. They really were our babies who we still love with all our hearts, and we miss them both so very much. Our loss is great, the memories are sweet, loving and being loved by them meant the world to us and that's why the pain is so deep.
Ann

What a wonderful picture of Clair and Chili Bean... he looks just as happy as Chili!!!

5 months without your loves is hard, Ann, but you've come so far... it wasn't easy, but you've done it whether you see it or not!! Snookie and Chili are seeing to that, I'm sure.

Tomorrow marks 2 months that we lost our Inky and it seems like years and yesterday at the same time. I know what you're going through and my heart hurts that yours still does, but you're getting stronger every day.

Snookie and Chili are just overjoyed at how much you love them and I'm sure they feel the same way about missing you, but they know they'll be together, happy and playing, until they see Mommy and Daddy again.

Hugs to you and Clair,

Pat

Ann, I love your wonderful stories of Snookie and Chilli Bean and I think that what is so special about them is the tremendous feeling of love that always comes through in your stories. Always when I read them my heart simply glows. I think it must be because I am imagining all that very close love that ran between you all and it warms my heart, because that is what life should be all about.

How blessed your babies were to have found a mommy and a family like yours.

After missing Ellie so much for 4 months, suddenly in the last few days I have felt her prescence in a different way. Not in any sort of paranormal or mysterious way but more in the way that I feel that somehow she is with me in spirit a lot of the time now, and it is as if her little spirit has returned to the house and is with me again.

It's a difficult feeling to describe, but when I read your story about the house the other day and Snookie checking it out and you talking to her, I wondered if maybe you are getting the same sort of feeling. A feeling that somehow she is around you again.

For me it has taken the sadness away, and although I can't see her, I feel I can sense her and I talk to her in the same way that I used to when she was in her earthly body, and I imagine her to be with me as I am doing things.

I failed to mention that before this happened I had been very low and depressed and missing her most terribly, and I made some sort of desperate plea to the heavens to help me in some way. In fact I hope this doesn't sound too irreligious, but I asked Ellie to help me because she was an angel now and with the angels now.

The good feelings of her being around started shortly after that, and I have improved so much in the last few days, my spirits have really lifted and somehow I feel her spirit is helping me and making me happy again like she always used to when she was in her body.

I don't begin to understand these things or the mysteries of life, or how this can be, but I am just grateful because it has helped me so much.

With love to you Ann
and bless your beloved Angel Snookie and Angel Chilli Bean

jilly

Thanks Pat and Jilly,
Pat, My husband and I were always thrilled when Chili Bean went on vacation with Snookie and us. I wish I had taken more pictures then I did over the years. I gave many to my son and he spilled pop all over then and they could not be saved. So never take pictures without having doubles made and then keep the negatives with you. So now I only have a few of pictures of us and Chili Bean and some of her alone. Knowing we will be with our girls again keeps us going. Thanks for saying I have come so far I am trying so hard to be strong. I am thinking of you as you hit the 2 month mark for your sweet Ellie. I know how hard each month is and sometimes it seems to get a little more harder than the month before.
Ann

Jilly, I did not feel my Snookie girl around me at the beginning but later I did. I just knew she was with me because I could feel her. Oh it's not like she stays with me all the time but I do feel her. I talk to her just like I always did and one day I reached out to pet her in my car. No I couldn't see her but I just knew she was there in the seat beside me. I petted her right where her head always laid when she and I were in the car alone. I told her I hope you could feel that Snookie but because you are a spirit I can not feel you, so I hope I petted the right spot. I even told her I hoped I did not poke her in the eye!

I am so glad the love I had and have for my girls shows through. I loved them with all my heart and would have done anything for them. Clair and I both agreed should they ever need something more costly than we could afford we would sell all we had to save them. But nothing could be done to save either one of them. I am so glad you can feel Ellie around you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you are not crazy.
Ann

By the way my daughter and I have been working hard getting everything set up in the kitchen of hers and my son's house. We hung up the clothes in the closets, putting all the supplies in the bathroom and things like that. I came home to take a short break. At least my son has his room completely done. Well off I go to help them some more. I am tired but feeling so much better. I guess hard work helps.

Here is a picture of me and Chili Bean when we were on vacation. When I stopped the car she always climbed up on me not wanting me to get out without her.
Ann

Thanks for sharing all that Ann. I wish there were some way I could help ease your pain. Know I'm thinking of you and you give me inspiration through all this. I hope that in itself gives you strength. Those are great pics...especially the one of you and Chili Bean. She looks so content on you! The love is apparent and I know you gave them the best life EVER. I agree that I would take better care of my dogs than I would me....it's the closest thing I could do to come close to the unconditional love they gave/give me.

Thank you so much and knowing that I am an inspiration to you does give me strength. Because to me it means that the love for my girls and there love for me is shining through. It means that their lives made me a better person who is now able to help other people through one of the worst times in my life.
Love, Ann

Cute!!

Hi Ann, Clair. We have Prunella with us now; her face is a lot like Chili Bean; she is my dog. Ollie was my wife's (Paulina) shadow except when he was napping. Ollie was noble and loving, friendly and affectionate, he loved visitors.Paulina is suffering the loss; we are also attached to our dog babies. We are both close to age 60 and our children are grown and have their own lives. We don't have any small grand children. The four of us were a family, this was our family and circle of love and dependance. It hurts and the wife has been spending a lot of time in bed. The grieving is followed by a sad heart which stops any joy. We want to sell the house and leave this area(Vancouver B.C.) to get away from this empty feeling .At this same time I would start an early retirement. I am thinking of taking Ollie with us .I have only love for Ollie but I would like to have a family of four again .Paulina objects and says we are fine just the three of us.I think it would be good to have a companion for pru, and for me. I love being coverd with my dogs, they made our lives bearable from daily drudgery. Now we feel sad and directionless,thinking what's the point in going on.We may have many years left to live, and all without Ollie What can I do to honour his life? At the end of my life, I want Ollie to be with us.
Tory

I also love hearing the stories of your baby girls...I can visualize all the love on the vacations........The one with Chili not wanting to let you out of the car made me smile. I think we get to the transition of our feeling becoming comforting rather than painful like they are in the beginning.
My memories are like that now, but there are times if I go to deep in those memories they make me cry. Or if the details of his face come into my mind. I now carry with me a deep saddness and a meloncally feeling. (and I still cant spell) My friends have now all forgotton Moose, I mean the everyday of Moose, but I havent, I never will. I am so thankful that you got to have a beatiful chapter with your girls. I was thinking that life was like a book, different chapters through our lives, we just havent read the ending yet, some life books are short stories, some are ones of longsuffering. And our being is the bueatiful book cover that holds all that is dear to us.
And you are so so lucky to have a husband that has been part of all this with you. God Bless you. Love, Pamela
Jilly, I have that same feeling, it isnt all the time but I feel like Moose is with me in a divine way, I think that is what I meant when I said some time ago that I felt like Moose was part of my inner being now. For some reason, I believe that when I leave this earth I will go with my whole book and all the chapters... Love Pamela

Thank you all so much for your sweet words.

Tory I know very well about the feelings to try to run and hide from things. But I think our sorrow and pain would follow us no matter where we moved or how far away we went. I know this is the worst pain there is having to give up our babies. But we cannot run and we cannot hide, the pain is in our heart and soul. Your pain is so fresh and it will take time for that pain to lessen. No, you will never forget that love even as the pain from losing him lessens you will always love and miss him. When Chili Bean passed away we bought a stone figurine that looks so much like her. We bought an insert that goes next to her picture. It says:

MY HEART BELONGS TO A CHIHUAHUA
For the smallest breed Of dog we know, The Chihuahua takes the prize-With a heart That's warm and loving, Far beyond it's tiny size.

A dog that loves to cuddle- A charmer from the start. A Chihuahua Came into my life And stole away my heart.

It is right next to Snookie's pictures and poem. I have the chihuahua figurine sitting next to Snookie's urn and I have a glass heart that are held by hands. Inside the glass heart it says I Love You. Maybe you could do those kinds of things to bring comfort to your heart.
Ann

Pamela, Thank you my precious friend for posting your picture. I love it. Only my husband, children and my dearest granddaugher Sara talks about Snookie and Chili Bean. My brothers and sister don't say anything about them anymore. I know how much that hurts.

Sweet Pamela, you have become like a sister to me and I promise as long as I shall live I will never forget about Moose. My husband said he will never forget him just from his name alone. Clair wondered where you came up with that name. I told him how you said when he was a puppy his head was much bigger than his body and that's how you named him.

Yes, life is like a book and when that last chapter is written we will be with our babies never to part again, no more pain or death ever. Running, playing, holding them, giving kisses and being kissed. You have said many times that God will restore that which is lost to us on earth. I want the last sentence to read: Just as Pamela said God did restore that which was lost to me on earth, my joy and blessings are many.
Love, Ann

Dearest Ann-
Thinking of you, Clair and your little angels. I do love your stories of Snookie and Chili Bean. They always make me smile. I so understand what a huge part of your life they were. Indy shared everything with me too. Often, your cute stories of the girls trigger my fond thoughts of Indy. Thank you for helping me smile at a fond rememberence of my boy instead of weeping over his loss.
Love & Hugs,
Fran

Dear Ann and Clair,

It was so nice reading more about your lives with precious Chili Bean and Snookie. How much happiness you all shared!

How wonderful for you, Ann, Jilly and Pamela to have felt the presence of your beloved Snookie, Chili Bean, Ellie and Moose. I've not had that happen to me yet with my pal Rusty.....maybe one day.

(Pamela - Who cares about spelling? Your posts are always so touching. You have a way with words and express your feelings so well.....right from the heart.)

Lynn

Dear Ann,

I so enjoy reading your stories about Chili Bean and Snookie. What wonderful companions they both were! I know you miss them both so much. They brought you love and laughter...two very special gifts from two very special girls.

Love,
Kathleen