It has been almost 48 hours since Lucy passed on and it has been one of the hardest weekends of my life. It has involved a lot of crying, sobbing, anger, denial, and much more. I am still so reminded over her everywhere I look. The cheerios tossed on the floor by the kids...she would have gobbled them up right away. Turning on the shower this morning...she always liked to take a big drink from the running water before mommy got in the shower. The pain is just so unbearable. There is such a sense of quiet in the house. How I long to hear the clicking of her toenails on the hardwood floor, or to hear her bark at the UPS man one more time. Even though she died in my arms, I expect to see her trotting into the room. I open the door to let her go outside and I remember she is here no more. It is a horrible, horrible loss. My family feels incomplete now...so off balance. Will it ever feel right again?

Caroline

Lucy: April 9, 1999- February 4, 2005

Dear Caroline-
I know what a hard time you've been having.
Your story has touched me so deeply and in some instances paralleled mine.
I think I relived my little man's last day as you suffered the loss of Lucy.
It's almost 6 weeks for me and life still doesn't seem "normal".
I look for him everywhere. He liked to sit outside the shower and wait for me.
Silly little guy would lick my toes as I toweled off.
The house is too quiet. My son is away at college and I arrive home before my husband.
How I hate coming in knowing Indy is not there to greet me.
I've been home sick with the flu and they were probably some of the lonliest days of my life.
Normally Indy would stay close and snuggle with me.
I would give anything to hear him running down the stairs or the sound of the tapping of his nails across the floor.
like you....I wonder if it will ever feel right again.
Fran

Dear Caroline,
I know how hard it is the first week and although it has gotten where I am able to live with it the emptiness and longing is only a little better. I has been 6 weeks since my Snookie left me and 12 weeks for Chili Bean. How I miss them both so much and the tears came again in full force today.

Maybe some of the others whose babies have been gone a long time can answer the question as to whether things will ever feel normal again. As far as for me things do not feel normal I think we just have to make a new way of life and build upon that. My arms will always feel empty without my Snookie and even Chili Bean. For 10 and almost 11 years I was holding them in my arms and so I feel my life will never be the same.
Hugs, Ann

Moose was my companion 24-7. For the first few weeks, I would hear the leaves rustle across the sidewalk and make the same sound as his nails tapping on the cement. Taking a bath was even hard, he liked to bring his toys and drop them in the water. He got up and down so many times to follow me everywhere in the house, he never took his eyes off of me.
The process of our mind changing and excepting is a painful process, I read up on alot of the grief process and peoples experiences, it seems I could embrace the grief fully for about 8 wks, then it became a little harder to read about other peoples pain,, then the acceptance sets in and that seemed to be a process too, one that I still am in. I remember wishing I could just speed the process up but there is only one way and that is through it. It is what we have to except while we are living in a world of loss, counterdictive to God. Like I have heard it said....the ultimate insult to love is death. But when you search deep in your heart and soul you will know also that this is not all for nothing and it will be restored. FAITH FAITH FAITH it is all we have. Pamela

Thank you Fran, Ann and Pam for your thoughts and supportive notes. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have found this site. This is the most horrible time for me, when I need the most support. Everyone has held out a supportive hand for me and I am so grateful. I know you all miss your babies so much too. I hope to one day offer the same support to somebody who is grieving as badly as I am. Thank you again...Caroline

I don't know if this will help you much but I thought I'd share it anyway.

My life has not returned to it's "normal" state since I lost my Kasha and I've come to understand that it never will. Not that this existance is bad, it's actually quite rich with delightful (although sometimes painful) memories and there are many beings, both two-legged and four, that love me. After she died I spent much of my time searching for the peace in my life that I felt when Kasha was with me but I now realize that those days are gone. Not that I haven't found peace, mind you...my life is pretty great it's just different than it was before. Just like my life was different before my son was born...now it's better in some ways and not worse, but different in others. What I'm trying to say is that your family will change without Lucy and you will never be the way you were...but you'll end up somewhere else just as nice. So yes, things will feel right again one day. Life will always be different without Lucy but it won't always feel like your heart is about to shatter into a million pieces.

My heart is with you and your family and I am so sorry for your loss.

Kristie

Dear Caroline, I was so sad to hear about your beloved Lucy. I know what you mean about things being off balance. As you know, I made the decision to have my dear Winston put to sleep Saturday morning (you were so very kind in posting a reply - your words were very touching) and the house just doesn't feel the same - there's an element missing that cannot be replaced. I know how raw your emotions are right now - I've been in tears practically ever since. I know exactly what you're going through. When I woke up this morning, for a split second I thought everything was normal, until I remembered that one important member of the household was no longer with us. The pain feels almost unbearable. We can reassure ourselves that we made the right decision, and our loved ones our now at peace.
My thoughts are with you.
Elsie (wittley)

Dear Caroline,

I also "survived" the weekend if you want to call it that. I also have experienced all the emotions you mention. It has been about 48 hours since my Sasha left me. I hardly got out of bed yesterday I felt so awful.

I find it very difficult in the morning when I always had coffee and then breakfast with my dogs. I always try to spend quality time in the morning with my animals before I start work. I keep looking at her bed and like you say things that remind me of her. Yesterday I found a little bit of her hair next to my bed and that was hard to think that this is all I have left of my baby now.

I think it is going to take me a long time to recover (if I ever do). I think every time you loose someone you love, you just learn to go on but that little piece of your heart never comes back. I think you and I will always feel empty without Sasha and Lucy. We will go on but we won't like it and it will never be the same. I can see that alot of people here feel like we do so we are not alone in this and we can all help each other through this.

Nancy

No, I can't say that it feels "right", but one does adapt. Life kind of takes on a new definition of "normal". It's hard to describe it. I don't think I'll ever get over the loss, but I've accepted it, and am involved in life again.

Getting to acceptance was extremelly difficult. For me it was harder with losing Luba than my previous dog, Frodo. Frodo was old, suffering profusely, whereas Luba was taken suddenly and without warning, without mercy. I did not want to accept that she was gone. Even when I started to feel better I fought it because I did not WANT to adapt to life without her.

I guess what I'm getting at is:
Yes, it gets better, but there is no hard and fast rule about how long it will take. It goes in phases.

But for me, it still does not feel "right" it just feels "different".

Hope this helps.