It is just past the 3 month mark since I have lost my precious Moose. The first 8-9 weeks I was just a basket case on the couch, life had ended as far as I was concerned. The worst part for me was getting used to Moose not being here, I didn't sleep in my bed for over 2 months, there were certain times of the day that were hard to deal with, like dinner time and bed time and our first waking up.
The only thing I knew to do is to cry out to God to help me because the pain was like nothing I had ever felt,,,,I wanted to jump out of my skin and bounce off the walls was the feeling. And now I have learned more about applying my faith, it didn't mean the pain went away, but healing is painful and I have now kind of a melancholy feeling. My memories of Moose dot stab me like a knife, now I can close my eyes and remember every detail of his face and his prancing with his bear, it still brings tears to my eyes and a longing for him but it is not that unbearable pain. I can see someone walking their dog and look at it like they are lucky, it is their turn to have that special love, I was blessed to have almost 10 yrs of it. Last night I stood on my porch and listened to the soft rain fall, I closed my eyes and remembered my Moose and I miss him so much, my whole life has changed from the moment he was hit by the car. I have put it in God's hands to handle what I cant. I didn't write this for any special reason except maybe some reflection as I am forced to keep moving forward. Pamela

Pamela,
I understand the lonliness you feel without Moose.
And I understand because I have been experiencing the same pain and sadness.

Thinking of you as you strengthen and heal.
Love, Fran

Dear Pamela,
I guess we will always keep missing our babies no matter how long they are gone from our arms until we are with them again. It just hurts so very much but like you said we are forced to go on with our lives. Yet it is not without a lot of tears and sorrow of our broken hearts and souls.

Your Moose and my Snookie and Chili Bean and all of our babies here loved us so much they would have wanted us to go on and find peace while we wait for them. I know Snookie did not like to see me unhappy and she would almost lick me to death trying to make me feel better.

All we can do is cry out for God to help us for without Him I may just be laying there in bed not willing to get up or to face life. Without Him and the love of the people here I don't belive I could have made it. Today is so hard because my darling Snookie would have been 11 years old. I'm sorry I didn't have a birthday party for her when she got sick this past couple of months. I just kept telling myself it was all a mistake and she would get better. But she did not. Hugs
Ann

Dear Pamela,

What a beautiful post.

I think it's amazing what our furbabies have taught while they were alive, but more amazing what they continue to teach us after they're gone. One of the lessons I've learned from Shiloh is that each day is a gift, and that each and every second of life should be cherished.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom.
Kathleen

Dear Pamela
I remember so clearly how very kind you were to me when I first came to this site 2 months ago, and I want to thank you so much for that. It is all so very hard and sad and painful, your dear Moose was such a wonderful close soulmate to you. It must have torn you apart loosing him so suddenly, like that.

I can relate so much to you standing in the porch and closing your eyes and picturing him and missing your beautiful boy. I feel a kind of loneliness in my soul since Ellie's been gone, a kind of low key hopeless sadness.

About half an hour ago at the time she died I was standing by the front upstairs window looking out onto the spot where she was struck by a car. I was closing my eyes and trying to turn back time in my mind, trying to change what happened. It is nine weeks tonight and I was wanting so much to turn back time, to make it not have happened. Wanting so much to have done things differently that evening. I can't help thinking that if I hadn't gone out to post a birthday card the whole evening's routine would have been as usual and she would have been curled up on my lap at that time.
Going out to post that card changed the whole evening routine, so I was still upstairs till quite late getting my coat off. She came to find me and we played a game of 'mousey', together on my bed for about 20 minutes. Mousey hides under the sheets and Ellie goes down and finds him, over and over again.
I finally came down with her and fed her at 8.30. instead of the usual 6pm. She then went out much later than usual and then at 9.00pm I got the phone call to say she was lying in the road a few yards up from my house.

I still miss her so very much and find things in the house that remind me of her and that bring back particular memories, it always gives me a big lump in my throat and I have to close my eyes and can feel the tears trickling out of each side of them.

She'd normally have been lying on my lap while I was typing away at my computer like this, she'd lie there like that for hours and hours while I tapped away on the keyboard. There are lots of comfortable chairs in the room but she would rather be uncomfortable on my lap being constantly knocked as I typed, rather than lie comfortably a few feet away from me in a cozy chair.

She was such a loving little girl. I miss you little Ellie.

Pamela bless you and I know how hard it has been for you, I am thinking of you and your dear Moose tonight.

With love
jilly

You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

A million times I need you,
A million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.

In my heart a place you hold,
No one could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone,

A part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.