Well, Indy is gone 4 weeks today.
I had myself fooled into thinking I was doing better.
I still cry daily, but less often and with a bit less intensity.
I can have fond rememberences of my little man that cause me to smile instead of weep.
I got through most of this day then fell apart.
I returned home from work around 5:00 and found I could not go into my house.
Yous see, it was the first time since Indy's passing I had to go into a completely empty house.
My son has been home on his winter break and just returned to college. He's been in the house when I got home, so for the past few weeks I wasn't walking into total emptiness. Having Adam home from school was a pleasant distraction.
The thought of the empty house felt just awful and I guess I had an anxiety attack of sorts... crying, frightened, hypervenilating, chest pain... the whole nine yards.
I drove to my husband's workplace and waited in the parking lot until he finished and followed him home.
A couple hours later and I'm more composed now.
I really thought I was getting a handle on my grief. I underestimated the power the loss of my beloved Indy has on me.
I miss him so terribly. My heart just aches.
Thank you all for listening.
Fran

Hi, Fran-

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience coming home today. Many people (including me) say that the 4 week anniversary is one of the hardest...I've hypothesized that maybe it's because you graduate from counting weeks to counting months. I don't know...I think all the anniversaries are hard...be they one day, one week, one month, or whatever. I think Indy's 4 week anniversary coupled with your son being gone was probably just enough to give you an anxiety attack of sorts. I'm glad you were able to get to your husband's work and then follow him home.
Shiloh's been gone for a little over 4 months now and sometimes I still sob when I come home from work. She'd always greet me at the door with a happy face and a little wiggle waggle nub (she had no tail). I still miss her terribly...I know you miss Indy terribly, too.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

Thanks Kathleen.
I am always so grateful to hear I am not alone in what I am feeling.
Like Shiloh, Indy didn't really have a tail either. But boy, did he wag that little stub of his when he was happy!!

Fran, you're definitely not alone. I can relate to every feeling you're having...right down to the anxiety attacks.

I love it...Indy had a stub and Shiloh had a nub. I bet they're at the Rainbow Bridge comparing nubs and stubs right now.

Hi Fran:

I was just in the middle of writing you a real long letter.....................and, when I went to find out how long your darling Indy has been gone from your life; I couldn't get my post back......

(Hmmm.......when will I ever learn "not to leave the post that I'm working on"...???) Not a big deal at all........ I'm
always very happy to start another one!



First, let me say that I was VERY, VERY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT you went to your husband's office, and waited for him to get out of work------so that you could both go home together........

I know how that "empty feeling" feels, Fran..............when you go home, and there's no one at home to GREET YOU WITH A lil' wiggly stubby nub............ IT'S A VERY, VERY HOLLOW AND EMPTY FEELING!!!!

Let's not forget those "very cold & wet nose kisses"..........

It's been almost one full year that my sweet Ernestine was put to sleep (2/7/2004), and Ben and I will always miss her, and
we will never, ever forget her...
We are JUST THRILLED THAT WE KNOW OUR GIRL DOESN'T HAVE ANY MORE PAIN!!!!
JUST KNOWING THAT, MAKES US SMILE EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

Right now, Fran.............

IT HAS ONLY BEEN FOUR WEEKS SINCE INDY HAS GONE ON TO RAINBOW'S BRIDGE!!!!!
That's not a very long time at all, Fran!!!!

And, the four week "anniversary", as Kathleen 032 stated, "IS ONE OF THE HARDEST"!!!

Believe me.............there were times I used to think that I'd heard Ernestine in the closet......or, when I went grocery shopping, for instance.....when I got home....I thought that she'd be there when I got home.....

I can TELL YOU VERY, VERY HONESTLY THAT ALL OF THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU
ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW.........WILL DISSIPATE OVER TIME.......

AND, ALL OF YOUR TEARS, (THOUGH IT SOUNDS STRANGE TO SAY RIGHT NOW), THOSE TEARS WILL BE CHANGED TO TEARS OF COMPLETE JOY AND HAPPINESS..... You will think of all the sweet & fun things that Indy did!!

You will remember all the wonderful and amazing things that your precious, sweet Indy used to do....... And, you and your husband will laugh over the many, many wonderful MEMORIES THAT YOU BOTH SHARE!!!

I THINK this is the first time that I have ever responded to one of your posts, and for that Fran, I am terribly sorry....
I "went back" in your posts to see how long your darling Indy was with you, and am I right --- approximately 10 & 1/2
years???
And, I must say..............Your Indy was sooooooooooo tiny, and so very, very handsome....

What breed of furdog was he?????

ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS (& HANDSOME!!!)...

If ever, you need someone to talk with..........please, do not hesitate to contact me.... I'm always here if you're in pain and need a friend to talk with..
Okay????

God Bless You and Your Husband & Family!

Love, Denise xo

Hi Fran, I am so sorry that you had such a horrible time after coming home from work. It is one of the worst feelings when you have to come home without your baby being there. It must have been so hard for you to drive to where your husband works and then follow him home. It just makes me so sad that you had to go through such a traumatic time. I wish I could reach out and hug you and take your pain away. It is just so hard to live a life without our babies.

That 4 week mark is so hard I just went through it Sunday and it was like that's when my mind began to believe Snookie was never coming back. All we can do is wait for the pain and the empty feeling to lessen. I too still cry but not as often and sometimes just tears come into my eyes so Fran I know how that is.

When little Snookie got to sick to go to work with me my husband suggested I quit my job so I could spend all my time with her. I was only working to buy things for Snookie and my children and 6 grand children so I gave my 2 weeks notice and quit. I don't know what I would do if I still worked and came home to a house without my Snookie girl.

Even when she went to work with me for 8 hours a day she would still act as though she had been away from me when we got home. She would bark and wag that stubby tail of hers then she would run to bed as it tired her out so much. I have never been sorry I quit work and do not believe I will return.
Ann

Hi Fran,
I can sure relate to what you just spoke of. After my roomate moved out I had to make that step through the door. It's was another step in the grieving. The way you discribed the crying but not so intense is how it happened to me also, although there are times that the intense pain comes, but I am thinking as I progress into the 3rd month that the intense pain of the trauma that I went through with Moose it is kinda like child bearing pain....it is sooooooooooo bad but as time goes by you have to dig a little to remeber the intensity. It will get easier, just hold tight. Pamela

Dear Fran
Your dear little Indy. I always love his picture so much, he is such a little darling and so sorely missed..

I have to say that everyone is completely right about the 4 week anniversary. For me it was the worst day in the grieving process apart from the first 3 days. I completely fell apart ... I felt completely back to square one as if I hadn't progressed at all. I sobbed all day long and all the intensity and pain and reality came back and hit me over again. I couldn't understand what was going on because I thought I had been doing okay.

So Fran do know that this is probably the worst day. That and the 1st month anniversary date. They are the first dreadful milestones. After that I promise you it does get easier. I'm at nearly eight weeks now and I found 5 1/2 to 6 weeks saw a real improvement. The intensity lessens, somehow and the pain is less relenting.

Sometime life keeps us busy and people visit or stay with us and it is a welcome distraction. When they go or leave or when we come back into an empty house again it seems all the worse and all the more quiet.

Thinking of you and your dear little Indy with his sweet darling face.

With love
jilly

Hi Fran,

As many others here have stated, the four week anniversary seems to be particularly difficult for most of us. After the first month, I began to feel a little better and I hope this will be the case for you too.

Your loss of Indy has left a huge void in your life and the adjustment of not having him anymore will be very difficult. Please know things will slowly begin to get better and there will come a day when you can remember him with smiles and laughter, not sadness and tears.

You are certainly not alone when you say you had no idea losing your pet would have such a deep impact on you. Many of us underestimated what a profound effect losing our pets would have on us. The feelings you are currently experiencing are perfectly normal and are part of the grieving process. Continuing to come here and expressing your feelings is the key to learning to cope with your loss.

I'm very sorry you are having to go through this...please know I understand and share your pain and please keep us informed as to how you are doing.

Take care,
__Jim

Dear Kathleen, Denise, Ann, Pamela, Jilly & Jim-
I shed more tears this morning. Not becasue of missing Indy, but for the kindness and compassion you all have offered.
You words of support and the sharing of your experiences and wisdom helps to take away the "I'm alone in the world" feeling.
I am deeply grateful to all of you and LS.
Fran

dear fran,
i am so sorry for the grief you are experiencing. i know how hard these "anniversaries" are. yesterday was one week since we helped calvin to the bridge and i too lost it.

i'm glad everyone has been able to offer you some comfort. it always helps to know we are "normal" in our reactions to things. thankfully we have this place to come to. people who aren't animal people just don't understand.

sending you lots of hugs, and hopes that it may get a little easier for you as the weeks and months go on.
stacy

Dear Fran,

Thinking of you as you mark the "4 week anniversary" of your precious Indy's passing. One month without our beloved pets is tough and coming home to an "empty" house is also so hard. (Even with my husband, 11 year old son, BIG dog and other pets in the house, there is such an emptiness when I look into the rooms where Rusty spent his time. One 17 lb. rabbit has left such a tremendous hole in our house, hearts and lives.........) I know you feel the same about your sweet Indy.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and I am wishing you the strength to travel this road. As long as you come here, you are never "alone in this world".

Love,
Lynn