A few days ago I was listening to my voice mail and a saved message came up. It was a message left by Shiloh. Yes, a message from Shiloh. When Shiloh started going downhill, a friend of mine would come to my house during her lunch break. She’d stop in to see Shiloh, feed her some boiled chicken, give her some love, etc. She’d always call and leave a message on my cell phone letting me know how Shiloh was. One of Shiloh’s many tricks was to speak on command. In that message, my friend had Shiloh speak…Shiloh was telling me she was having a great day. It was so wonderful to hear her voice. I think I’ll save that message forever. When that message was left, Shiloh was having a good day...I think when I heard it the other day, Shiloh was, once again, telling me she was having a great day. Her message also prompted me to leave this post.

I’ve read several posts about euthanasia horror stories, and for those of you that experienced them, I’m so very sorry. Shiloh’s passing was peaceful and amazing, and for anyone visiting this website, considering euthanasia, I think Shiloh’s story needs to be told. It’s a story of how graceful death can be, and how our other furbabies sometimes take part in the transition.

Since September 17th I’ve gone through the “what if’s” and “should haves” and “would haves” just like everyone does, but deep in my heart, I know the decision to stop Shiloh’s suffering that day was the correct one.

Before I start the story, I need to introduce all my furbabies…Calvin, Hobbie, and Strappy are kitties who watched Shiloh grow up. They all loved her, but Strappy loved her the most, next was Calvin. Strappy is a sweet, sensitive guy and Calvin is a…well…for lack of a better word, she’s a “thinker.” Hobbie loved Shiloh, but she opted not to be a part of Shiloh’s transition…and that’s okay. Mr. Winkle the parakeet is a bird that crash landed in my yard. After saving him from Shiloh’s jaws of death, he and Shiloh became buddies. Mr. Winkle would always chirp and sing when Shiloh was around…he loved to hear her bark.

The day before I had Shiloh put to sleep I think she knew her time was coming. As we went for the last walk we would ever take together, she looked at me like she’s never done before…in her eyes was such love and gratitude…I’ll never forget that look. That night she started feeling terrible…she was in so much pain and she was having trouble breathing. She was up and down all night…neither of us got much sleep. The next day, I called the vet and made an appointment for that night. The vet would come over after hours and put Shiloh to sleep. That evening, I got Shiloh settled on my bed…her favorite place to be. As she lay in my bed, barely able to lift her head, Strappy and Calvin took shifts with her…either Strappy would lay next to her, or Calvin would. We were all kind of quiet and somber…except Mr. Winkle, who chirped and sang all of Shiloh’s favorite Mr. Winkle tunes. When the vet arrived, Calvin dove under the bed (like she usually does when the vet comes over) and Strappy stayed on the bed with Shiloh (Strappy loves everyone…even the vet) and Mr. Winkle went on singing. As the vet started to explain the procedure, Calvin came out, sat in front of the vet and listened very carefully. Calvin even made eye contact with the vet. It was like Calvin needed to know what was going to happen to her friend, Shiloh. In the middle of her explanation, the vet stopped talking…we all noticed an eerie silence…we looked up at Mr. Winkle…he had stopped singing and had buried his head under his wing…something I had never seen him do. It was like he didn’t want to know what was going to happen. Meanwhile, during the explanation, Strappy dove under the bed…he didn’t want to hear about it either. After the explanation, Calvin, knowing what was going to happen, slowly left the room. Strappy came back out, jumped back up on the bed, and lay back down next to Shiloh. Mr. Winkle, once again, started singing. The vet then administered a sedative. Within a few minutes Shiloh gathered enough strength to put her head in my lap and then fell sound asleep. We waited about 15 – 20 minutes so that the sedative would be in full effect. Mr. Winkle continued to sing, Strappy kneaded Shiloh’s back, and I whispered in Shiloh’s ear…I told her how good she was, what a precious gift she’d been, and how much I would miss her. The vet then administered the euthanasia drug. Shiloh was so fast asleep, she didn’t even flinch when the vet poked her vein. She was gone within minutes. Just as she breathed her last breath, I whispered that I loved her. When she let out her last bit of air, Mr. Winkle stopped singing and Strappy jumped off the bed. Strappy went and lay by the window in my room. He later moved to the sliding glass door upstairs (a place he never lays)…it was like he was watching Shiloh’s spirit.

My biggest regret of that night is that I didn’t go upstairs and lie next to Strappy and look out the window. Perhaps he would’ve taught me how to see with my third eye and we could’ve laid there together watching Shiloh’s spirit ascend into heaven.

To my dear friends here…you’ve been like a family to me. You’ve offered words of comfort and you’ve helped with my grieving. I will be forever grateful for that. For right now, or for the next couple of weeks at least, I think I need to take some time away from the website. I feel like I am at a point where I need to stop wallowing in Shiloh’s death and start celebrating her life. She was such a happy-go-lucky spirit, “an exceptional dog” as a friend of mine said, and to focus on her death would be an injustice to her life. I love all of you and have been deeply touched by each and everyone’s story. I will be back to visit…to offer words of comfort, add tributes to Shiloh, and, at some point, I’ll be back for your words of comfort and support when another one of my babies ventures to the Rainbow Bridge.

Take good care, my dear friends.
Love,
Kathleen

Run along now, Baby Shiloh. Go and play, run around, chase butterflies with Dolly, Hobbie, Rusty, Snookie, Sadie, Moose, Luba, Ellie, Ernie, Hannah, Little Man, Abby, Lucy, Allie, Amber, Esabella, Jasmine, Indy, Chili Bean, Rachael, Kasha, Sonnie, Jake, and all your new friends. Momma loves you and misses you, but she’s gonna be okay. I look forward to our reunion at the Rainbow Bridge.

Your story made me cry buckets, I used to whisper shhhhh into moose's ear, it would enter my mind of doing that in his last moment. Kathleen, yours was a bueatiful love story, thanks for sharing it. I wish I could have been strong enough to have had that kind of goodbye.I to must learn myself to not wallow in Mooses death but in his life. Pamela

Hi Kathleen:



Kathleen, that's sounds wonderful to me, my friend.!!!!




I HAVE A FEELING.............................THAT................You were there, Kathleen..........in your mind's eye......watching Shiloh's BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT rise very high, into Heaven!!!!
My heart tells me that!!!!!!

I HOPE THAT I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE, BUT, YOUR DARLING SHILOH..............SHE WAS SUCH A PRECIOUS FUR-DOG!!!! So beautiful....really..... So pretty!!!!

I love to bring "posts back", when a newcomer, comes to LS; if they need to hear about euthanasia.....

And, I will always remember this wonderful post about Shiloh's euthanasia.............
And, I hope you won't mind..........but, I will bring it back........

Kathleen, as I said to one friend here at LS..............."All of our babies at Rainbow's Bridge.........THEY ARE ALL HAVING A
BLAST!!!!!"

Ernie's "Anniversary" will be on February 7, 2005............Her ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, at the BRIDGE.

I know that all of her wonderful friends at Rainbow's Bridge will be having a fantastic party for her.......... (And, those
friends are ALL OF HER MOM'S FRIENDS, HERE AT LS...........ALL OF YOUR BABIES, who will be celebrating her "anniversary".)

I will surely be there "in spirit"!!!!
I will light a candle, maybe have a little cake, in her sweet memory.....

It means SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO ME, KATHLEEN, FOR YOU TO HAVE MENTIONED "ERNIE'S" NAME
IN YOUR POST....................
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT...............
WHEN I READ THAT, MY HEART INSTANTLY FELT "WARM"!!!!!!

God Bless You and Yours, my sweet Friend!!!

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xoxo

Dear Kathleen,
What a wonderful thing for you to share with us. My childrens animals knew when Snookie was so sick. Yours babies all loved Shiloh and were concerned what was going to happen to her. How very wonderful that you have her barking during a phone call. I regret that I did not make a recording of Snookie barking.

I am sad to hear that you may step away for a while, you have helped me more that you will ever know. Just come back anytime you feel the need to. I sure hate to see you go but at the same time I am glad if it means your heart has healed a little more.
Love, Ann

Hi Kathleen,

You are so lucky to have that greeting from Shiloh saved; I always meant to tape my Jake when he would howl but I never got around to it. He and our other dog would howl whenever they heard the neighbor dogs howling or heard a fire engine go by, or just for the joy of it -- one would take the percussion line and the other would have the melody solo, it was very funny and amazing! What you said about Shiloh telling you she was having a great day still was very touching, I will make it a point to remember Jake howling/singing with joy from now on whenever I miss him so badly.

I like what you said about celebrating Shiloh's life vs wallowing in her death.. My Jake also had a peaceful passing, he was in the hospital over night the night before and he had fluids so he was not dehydrated, I am sure he had been given sedation too, I know he had some valium to help him sleep through the night. My deepest grief comes not from the memory of his actual passing but when I focus on that last week he lived, the sudden seizure-out-of-the-blue and the week after where he struggled in his damaged state. I can't even think or write about it all without crying...

When I start feeling that way now, I am going drown those images with his joyful howling and his happy-go-lucky spirit too, thank you for that.

Your note at the end to Shiloh made me cry; I'm glad you have reached some peace, I'm glad you have that recording of Shiloh's voice. "Mommy loves you and misses you but she's going to be ok"...

Best wishes and please do come back when you can

Dear Kathleen,

What a touching story, actually the most beautiful story I have ever read. How connected Mr. Winkle, Calvin, Hobbie and Strappy were to their sister, Shiloh.....and how connected Shiloh was to you.....the way she looked at you with such love on your last walk together. What a comforting feeling for her and you to have had her head in your lap when the vet was there and to have Strappy and Calvin taking turns sitting with Shiloh...That is truly amazing. (Had to drag out the box of kleenex once again.) Mr. Winkle.............So intelligent and sweet to cover his head with his wing. It is OK, as you said for Hobbie to have chosen not to be there, as some people cannot stay when their pets are put to sleep. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

So glad you have a recording of Shiloh's bark on your answering machine and I also believe she was telling you that she was having a great day when you heard it a few days ago. Your friend said it best. Shiloh was an exceptional dog and she had an exceptional mom. Your other furbabies are so lucky.

Love,
Lynn

Dear Kathleen,

Your story of Shiloh's passing was beautiful. I know you didn't mean to make us cry, but we can't help it. Sonnie's passing was similar to a point. I was standing at the table in the emergency clinic with my arms around him. The technician/assistant had taken him to the back to put an IV in his front leg. When the vet started administering the medicine, I picked him up completely and held him while he passed on. I told him how much we loved him and would miss him. His diaphragm (spelling sucks tonight) continued on two or three times while I gently rocked him. Rob had Bear on a lead in there with us, and he was crying. They checked his heartbeat to make sure he was gone, told us how sorry they were to have to do this procedure, and asked if we wanted a little more time with him. Rob said no, but I didn't want to let him go. It was peaceful and done with dignity, but I still didn't want to let him go.

I'm so glad that you're able to rejoice in Shiloh's life. I'm looking forward to the day I do the same for Sonnie. It's what he would have wanted. Sadness wasn't in his vocabulary. Good luck and remember to come see us soon.

God bless you for being there.