Hello All,
Four weeks ago tonight, my Rusty died. The house is so very empty and lonely, even with our 11 year old son and other pets (3 bunnies, 1 dog - who is at my feet as I type this and 3 birds.) My husband said it's like we've had "cookie cutter holes cut into our hearts." That's exactly how it feels.

I know that time is supposed to be a healer but losing Rusty has reduced me to being a shell, just going through daily routines. I've lost other pets in my life and people, including my beloved grandmother and father, whom I adored. This loss has been so very hard. I'd hesitate to say just how hard anywhere but here for fear that people would think that I miss Rusty more than my father. That certainly is not the case but I cannot remember feeling more devastated when my dad died (and his death was also sudden.)

I belong to a local rabbit rescue group and wrote a memorial to my Rusty, which was published in their winter newsletter. Copy below:

[It is with a heavy heart that I write this. Our beloved Rusty passed away suddenly on December 8th.

Rusty came into our lives during the summer of 1997. He was named, "Peach Cobbler". We knew he was special the moment he became part of our family. He had no cage and had full run of our house. He chose the dining and TV rooms as his domain. Whenever we were in one of "his rooms", he'd immediately hop over for attention. If we were watching TV sitting on the floor, he'd be right there, nudging us for a pet. If we were sitting on the couch, he'd be up there with us. He loved to have someone lie next to him on the floor and give him gentle massages. He'd chatter his teeth in contentment the whole time. He'd stretch out flat to be brushed, as he enjoyed that attention, also. I'd bend down to kiss him and he'd lift his head up waiting for that kiss. When Geoff walked into the room, Rusty ran circles around him.

Several years ago, Rusty made a visit to Geoff's classroom. The children and teachers sat in a big circle on the floor and Rusty enjoyed greeting each and every one.

This past summer, he bagan having trouble with weakness in his back legs and he developed cataracts. After consulting a wonderful herbalist, I put him on an herbal regimen and glucosamine and chondroitin, which helped him to hop again. The cataracts didn't seem to bother him, as he knew the layout of his house and got around without a problem. We thought we'd have him with us for a few more years, as he appeared to be doing so well.

Sadly, that was not meant to be. I believe my pal waited for me to say goodbye. I came home from work to find him sitting in the dining room, near his food dish. His giant ears were hanging low, as if they were too heavy for him to keep upright. I put his ears up, petted him on the head and told him I'd be right back with his dinner. By the time I got back (a minute, maybe two), he had gone into the TV room and laid down on his favorite blue rug. He had died that quickly. As much as a shock as it was for us, at least he did not suffer.

Beautiful Rusty, we will never forget you. Please know how much we loved you. You were the most wonderful bunny. Thank you for the love and happiness you gave us for more than seven years. Thanks, Deena, for allowing our family the privilege to know and love this precious animal. His passing has left a hole in our hearts that will never be filled.

Lynn, Dan and Geoff Morgan]
Lynn

Hi Lynn,

First of all, I can't get over what a handsome fellow your Rusty was. I've looked at the larger photo that you posted of him several times, and always marvel. What a beauty.

Yes, I know the "cookie cutter holes in my heart" so well too. I have experienced several deahts, and none have hit me as hard as Luba's.

I remember when I went to speak to her vet a few weeks after she died, and the vet told me that, years ago, the death of his dog hit him harder than the death of his father. He figured that it was because the dog was a part of him, and that it would be the same for me and Luba. I think that he was right.

Don't feel bad about feelings like that. Our fur-babies are PART of us, and when they die we lose part of ourselves. It's so hard.

Steph

I totally understand. I don't remember ever being so hurt over anything either.
It is hard to explain. I feel as though my child died. And I am dealing with an
enormous load of guilt as well.

It is only 16 days for us. I am still spending my days in a gown, all the blinds drawn.

I have thought of you, Rusty's mom, and Ann, and Abby's mom, and kimberlyheide,
and all of you. What are we going to do? this pain is so overwhelming.
I wish I could bring your Rusty back, my Hegel, Abby, Snooky, Bubba, Punky,Kasha,
all of them.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thanks, Steph and Hegelsmom...........

I don't know what we're going to do either, with the overwhelming pain. I, too wish we could bring them all back. How long can we go on feeling like this? Hegel'smom -try to open the blinds. I know it's only been 16 days but it seems to me that if you keep the house dark, you'll just feel worse. I don't know. My husband and son were in the room with me as I was typing this post and I yelled at them to get out because I couldn't concentrate. They were just sitting, watching TV. Heidi (dog) looked at me as if to say, "What's wrong with you, mom?" So hubby and son went into the kitchen to play Chinese checkers. (Heidi decided to take her chances and stay with me ) I've really got to snap out of this and I wish you could too.............not only for yourself but your family. It certainly is not healthy.

Steph - I think your vet was right about us losing part of ourselves when our furbabies die. I was thinking today, while driving home from work, that since we feel so very devastated now, we had to have loved so much. I'm sure none of us would ever think of giving up one minute of the love we shared with Rusty, Luba and Hegel just to spare ourselves this grief we are feeling now. It was just so special, that bond. I was thinking of those people who don't value animals the way we do. They never have to suffer like we're suffering now but they also missed out on that special happiness we knew.

I guess we just have to hang in there and hope the passing of time will help.

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. Being reduced to a shell is such an apt description of how I have felt since Shiloh died, especially on the 4 week anniversary...it was a tough one. I can remember others leaving posts about 4 weeks being really hard also. I don't know, maybe because at 4 weeks you graduate from counting weeks to counting months.

I feel like I've gotten to know little Rusty through all your posts. He sounds like such a precious soul. I can understand why you miss him so much. I smile when I think of him starting out as "Peach Cobbler." I remember in one of your posts saying that Peach Cobbler was a ridiculous name. It was cute, but I'm glad you changed it...Rusty is very fitting for one as handsome as he.

I have to agree with Steph when she said that some pets are a part of us and their deaths hit extremely hard. I've not talked about my parents here, but they're both elderly (both 82). Last spring my mom was extremely ill (she's doing better now), and my dad has been chronically ill for the last 3 years, but last summer I spent most of my time with Shiloh. Shiloh really was an extension of myself. She was such a dear friend. I know you feel the same about Rusty.

As far as the overwhelming pain...I can tell you I have more good days now than I used to. And, writing that post the other day about feeling angry really helped. It felt good to allow myself to be a little cranky...I appreciate that everyone gave me the room to feel those feelings and express them.

Take good care, Lynn. You're in my thoughts.
Love,
Kathleen

Dear Lynn (and Family),

Please accept my most heartfelt sympathies during this, your time of mourning.

Although I am new here, I have very recently experienced a most painful loss, so if you ever feel like chatting, I am here to listen.

With deepest sympathy,
Brett

Dear Brett,

Thanks for your kind words. Let's hope in time we all will find some peace. This website is truly the best place to be............

Lynn

Oh Lynn,
Every time I look at your Rusty I think of how heartbroken you are and it just hurts so much that we have lost our babies. I said my heart was like broken shattered glass when I lost my mom and thats how I feel with my Snookie. Yes I learned to live without my mother but the pain is still great at times and I'm sure it always will be for our babies too.

I know what you mean about the house still feeling so empty even though there are other babies in it. My new puppy is wonderful but she will never be my Snookie. I often have my fur grand babies but that is not the same either though I love each and everyone of them.

What a wonderful article you wrote so full of love, and I could just see Rusty around the children and the love he gave to them. I hope we can all find healing and peace once again. Hugs,
Love, Ann

Hi Lynn,
I just sooo know what you are feeling, and I'm sorry. I have several days in a row now when I don't cry and that is a miracle. I just began to believe that I was going to sob everyday and this was the new me.

Our beloved furbabies are a part of our daily lives and when they are suddenly gone, life is forever changed. I knew the minute I met Dieter that he was special and my life was going to be that much better because of this little guy and boy was I right. As much as this gut wrenching pain rips my heart apart, I wouldn't trade a minute of time I had with the Deet Man. It's true that I feel like I've lost a part of me since losing Dieter. I felt the world just stopped the minute he took his last breath. We lost Dieter right at 4 months ago and it feels like an eternity.

Lynn, that Rusty was such a special love and I'm just crying thinking how he waited for you to come home and can see his little head and ears hanging low as you talked to him. I know how much your heart aches for him. I'm sorry you are having to go through this and just know we are here for you.
Your in my thoughts
Libby

Hi Lynn,

I fully understand the knife-like pain you continue to feel over losing Rusty. Although you have many more sad days of grief ahead of you, please know the good days will slowly begin to outnumber the bad.

I especially liked how you began your post by stating how sad you were over Rusty's death, but then you went on to tell the story of how Rusty came into your life and of some of the special times you had together. It brought tears, then smiles, but I found it very comforting to read.

I fully understand what you are currently feeling, Lynn. Just know you are not alone. You'll always find a comforting shoulder here whenever you need it.

Take care,
__Jim

Although I have been doing better lately I sure understand how it hurts. I still say it is the worst to get used to them not being there in your daily life. The sting of losing our pets is like so many have said extra sharp.Today I was just va%%ing my livingroom and boom right out of the blue I broke down and had a heart felt cry, I missed Mooses presence so much it hurt my body I have been doing pretty good about pushing some things back in my mind to enable me to move forward, I could not do that for the first 8 weeks. But like Jim said it does get better, and you sure could'nt have made me believe that just a few short weeks ago. Keep the faith! Pamela

Dear Lynn

I feel so much what you are feeling at the moment. I was just a few days ahead of you when you lost your beautiful Rusty. Tonight is 5 weeks for me since baby Ellie was struck by a car.

I keep thinking it must get better soon, but it doesn't seem to. In fact it feels even more real than when it first happened. I find it hard to accept that I will never see her again on this earth ... that my time with her here is over. I think of her all the time and miss her so much. I can only cope with one day at a time at the moment. I can't look into the future and know that she will never be there. The best I can do is say to myself, just try to get through today, just one day at a time.

Today I realise that one of the things I miss the most about her, is something I didn't realise at the time. It was the effect she had on me ... and the way that my heart lifted and felt so full of love, and how a smile automatically came onto my face whenever she came into the room. I love my family, of course, but the effect is not the same, I miss that magical feeling of love and happiness that she gave me.

Lynn, I know how much you loved your Rusty, he was such a beautiful rabbit and clearly he loved you to bits, too. The lose must feel so great for you. Please know that I'm thinking of you and I think it is right what has been said that this 4 to 5 week mark is a pretty tough one for us to get through. I'm so glad we don't have to do it alone and we have each other.

Withlove
jilly

Thanks, everyone......for your kind and heartfelt words. They really do mean so much. I know it will take more time. I feel so very greatful to have found a place such as this with the most kind, caring people in the world. I am thinking of each and every one of you as we travel this most difficult road.

Lynn

XXOO

Hi Lynn & Family:

I cannot believe that already four weeks have gone by since your precious, beautiful furbunnie, Rusty, went to Rainbow's Bridge!!!!!!!
"Anniversaries" are weird/sad, etc......

With me..........I used to "go by weeks for such a long time"...., after Ernestine was put to sleep on February 7, 2004....

I hope that YOU ALWAYS KNOW that you and your family are in my thoughts, prayers, and in my heart!!!!!

God Bless You All!!!!

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xo

Dear Lynn,

Thank you for sharing your published story with us. How touching!
I am so happy that you have taught me just how loving bunnies are. You have really taught me so much about them! I just love the pictures you have posted of your handsome Rusty.

You describe the same pain we are all going through. Some days I feel good, then other days I wonder how in the world I will keep going without her. I have never experienced such devestating grief. Writing in here to people that understand can really be very comforting.

You're in my thoughts,
Cheri