I Lost My Cat Almost 2 Weeks Ago

I never thought I'd be hurting so much after losing Babooshka. She was almost 18 years old, and I thought she'd live forever. She was such a stubborn cat, and I loved her so much. I had her since she was about 2 months old. Babooshka helped me pick out which guys to date and who to end up marrying. In the last week of her life, though, she wasn't eating her dry food, she wasn't getting up to greet me when I'd get home from work, and I knew she was in pain. I took her to the vet and, while Babooshka wouldn't let her check the inside of her mouth or do any blood work, the vet suspected she had a tumor in her mouth. The hardest decision I ever made was having her put to sleep. I was with her until the end, and she was growling until then. I often feel like I made the wrong decision-maybe she would have gotten better. I just couldn't stand to see her in pain. I now have her ashes with me. There's such a big empty feeling inside of me. I just wish she was still with me.
Beth