Putty

One week from today I put my baby Putty to sleep. It feels like yesturday. I have my good moments, but time alone, especially at night when i drive home from work, grief hits me like a ton of bricks. I would do anything to hold her in my arms, and smoother her face with kisses right now. There is nothing worse than feeling like your heart is missing a piece. My cat Bohdi has been grieving for Putty. I never thought he would, because he always acted like he didn't like her. the other day he was sitting up, and I said her name, he then put his head down and sighed. it was so sad. We both miss her so.......much!

thanks for listening.......

Rainbow Bridge Is Real!

Hi Everyone,
First off I want to start of this topic by saying thank you to all that have replied to my Putty topic. You have all brought so much gratitude, and comfort into my heart with your words of encouragement. All I can say, is thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

I just wanted to tell everyone this story, because it just had to be shared. My second job is working with the Developmentally Disabled. I was working tonight, and brought the guys to see the new "Batman" movie, which was pretty good, by the way. Anyway, we left the movie at a little after 9:00 PM, and I loked up into the sky and saw the most magnificent sunset that I've ever seen. I immediately felt that it was a sign from my higher power and Putty, that Putty was indeed okay. Did anone see the sunset I saw? I live in Minnesota.

Anyway, I got home from work a little bit ago, and went on the petloss website. I saw they had the candle ceremony, and was saddened that I missed it. I looked up Putty's name to see if she had been put on the list of animals that everyone was paying tribute to, and saw her pretty name.(Putty passed away 6/16/05) That is when my stomach sank, and I thought about the sunset I saw. Folks, this sunset took place WHILE the candle ceremony was taking place!!!(At the time I saw the sunset, I did not remember that the candle ceremony was taking place tonight)

The sky was lit with streams of white light, shattering into hues of pink, lavender, and blue. If anone has ever seen northern lights, that is the best way I can describe it, but as a sunset. The rays of light were like beacons calling down from the sky. The glow from the heavens literally colored my skin a pink color. I even remember just faintly thinking, because there were so...many streams of light, that my higher power was really out doing him/herself. The power of prayer is powerful, especially in multitudes. I believe ALL of our pets were there together. Our beloved pets are safe, and filled with a serenity that us mortals could only dream of feeling. They made up the hundreds, if not thousands of streams of light I saw. I felt so compelled to share this with everyone. Sceptics or not, it brought me great comfort tonight, and some serious goosebumps. I believe that our loved ones send us signs that they are okay, we only have to keep our hearts and minds open to this. My hope is that my story touches someones grieving heart this evening. P.S. To those that do not know what the Monday night candle ceremony is go to petloss.com It is a tribute that everone can join in on dedicated to our pets.

I just want to pay tribute to my Angel kitty Putty this evening. She was the prettiest light orange, and cream baby. She had a heart shaped nose, and was the sweetest most gentle creature I've ever known. Her life was brief, she lived only five years, and in which most of her life she was sick with renal failure. But, she never complained, and her love for me and life kept her at bay for an additional 14 months, when they predicted she had 3 weeks to live. I love you Putty, thank you bringing so much love and joy into my life. I will see you again. I know it, because I feel it.

Good night everyone....

Putty, My Angel Kitty

Hi Everyone,

I'm not sure how this site really works, but I really need someone to talk to. Has anyone ever put a pet to sleep? And if so, did you feel as guilty and empty as I do right now? I have a huge battle going on right now.

Putty was diagnosed with kidney failure a little over a year ago. I had to give her Sub-Q IV fluids and she was on A special diet. She was doing really good until I left for 3 weeks due to work training. I've only been home for 12 days, and today I put her to sleep. She was to the point where she was not eating, drinking, and her breathing was very labored. She also could not move around more than a few steps, and could not control her bladder. She would not even let me hold her or touch her, due to her pain. The vet told me today that she diidn't look as bad as he thought she would, And I looked at him in horror, as he quickly tried to say, "oh, but that does not mean anything".I feel as if this vet did not give me enough options, and it was only when I could see clearly that I knew I could have tried other things. That is the hardest part of all this. i knew that at some point I would have to put her to sleep, and if I felt like I did everything possible to try to save her, I think that I would sleep better at night. I'm also filled with guilt because I did not spend enough time with her before she left. i was so overwhelmed, and out of my right state of mind, Plus, I have a new job, and they don't allow people time off unless a "person" dies, so I had to schedule her death due my stupid job. the lady I talked to at work was so mean and insensitive, she didn't even believe my story. So, I made this decision so quickly based on not loosing my job. They would not even give me one day off to grieve. I had to work last night and literally shake the awful thoughts out of head, due to that my job is protecting people's safety. My captain was even rude to me last night, and I wanted to scream, "LEAVE ME ALONE, I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!" I'm finding that my grief goes in cycles, like a rollarcoaster. One minute I'm trying to think positive, the next minute I feel like I'm going to stop breathing from my pain. The look that Putty gave me in those last few seconds before she died is still haunting me. She let out a cry before she left and gave me this awful look as if saying"what are you doing to me"? i am traumatized, feeling that I made the wrong decision. Can anyone relate to this story? UPDATE: I want to thank the kind people who have reached out to me on this site, even through your own grief. It is so comforting knowing that there are such wonderful people out there. I just added some new thoughts and feelings to this post, it may be jumbled, but I don't have the energy to modify it better. May we all find solace in our days of intense grief.