Having A Hard Time Dealing With The Loss Of My First Dog

I lost my best and dearest friend Nelly on Tuesday. She was 14 years old, almost 15 in the middle of October. My family and I had to put her to sleep because she was very ill. She wouldn't eat or drink anything for a few days this past week. Tuesday morning, we knew that she needed to end her suffering. In March 2015, Nelly was diagnosed with bladder cancer, which is very common in her breed of West Highland Terrier. Nelly was always a happy dog, so playful and friendly to every body who came to the house or seeing on the street. So much spunk and love. She loved to go on adventures especially for car rides. In the summer, she would chill out and run around the pool every time someone jumped in. In the winter, she loved the snow, to bury and rub around in it. When it would rain and thunder, Nelly would shake and look for protection because she was scared. I grew up with Nelly and seeing her suffer these past few weeks has really gotten me upset. We knew the day would be coming soon, but never really wanted to admit that it was closer than we thought. Every morning when I wake up, I look in all the spots that she used to be in, hoping that she will be there and that Tuesday was a dream. I'll never forget the experience of being in the vet office and the process of putting her down. I wish I had one last goodbye, one last kiss, one last cuddle. I feel heartbroken and really just feel like I'm losing my mind. Thank you for listening.