Sam And Creole

Some of you read and replied to my post about my 2 babies, Sam and Creole. I had a very rough time with their deaths. It's been 4 weeks and I think of them daily. I have cried, cursed, questioned to no end, Until recently. Let me tell you why:

On Monday on the way out of our neighborhood my hubby and I saw a golden retriever that was an identical twin to Creole just standing in a yard soaking wet. My heart dropped to my stomach. My hubby said he saw the same dog when he had to pick up our babies out of the ditch. Yet we have lived in this neighborhood for 4 years and have never seen this dog before. Our neighborhood is not that big. Later in the week, I stopped by the house where this dog was standing in the yard. I asked the lady (who actually happened to be the one who told my hubby to call the sherriff's dept) and she said she has never seen that dog before and doesn't know anyone who owns a golden retriever, she has lived there 3 years. I was kinda dumbfounded at that point....was this someone visiting and bringing their dog too? Or was this a sign that Creole is happy? I decided to take it as Creole is happy.

I have tried everything in the book to make myself feel better, to get on with my life and I did find one thing that helped:
For over 2 weeks I have done a ritual about 1,000 times a day. I pat my heart and say...."i must let you go, i must let you go" until I felt better. Then I look to the skies and blow 2 kisses, one for each of them. I hope that if anyone uses this technique, i hope it helps you too.

Now for some people, getting a new dog is too soon. However, I have lived with dogs my whole life, including as a baby. A house is not a home without dogs! Plus not to mention our fenced in one acre was "barren". So, we purchased 2 new puppies to add to our family. They stay inside most of the time, I'm still paranoid. They are nothing like Creole and Sam but they have their own characters that are so loving, wonderful, playful! They will never replace my babies...ever. We have had them for about 3 weeks. Some people say it was too soon. And it probably was, because I have just recently come to terms with Sam and Creole being gone. My hubby and I talk about Sam and Creole every night now. He has finally told me why he had to cover them up for me to see them. I know now they both went instantly without suffering.

I absolutely adore Nelli and Jenny. They are very funny puppies. For those of you who may want a new addition but not sure if you are ready. Stop by the SPCA or pound. Play around. You never know when you will be welcoming in a new addition to your family too.

Thank you all for being so kind, gentle and loving. May you all be blessed each and every day.

I Have Just Lost 2 Babies

Hi,
I've just lost 2 of my babies. Sam was a 10 year old black lab and Creole was a 7 year old golden retriever. They both got hit by a vehicle on May 4, 2005. We got Sam when he was 6 months. He was a loving companion, a wonderful listener, and outstanding watchdog. We got Creole when she was 6 weeks old. I picked her out. She was the best hunting dog, she was fast and loved her job.
I've been crying for days now.
When we found them missing out of our fenced backyard, I took my daughter in my truck and started searching while my husband took his truck and searched as well. We asked every person who was out if they had seen our babies. Nobody had. My husband had asked one person who told him 2 dogs had gotten hit by a car and told him to call the Sherriff's dept. They told him where the dogs where hit. He went and found them. It just so happened that I was going back home to feed our 4 yr old, when he passed me. He waved me on. I looked at him...he was crying. I followed him to our street, but didn't go home. I took our daughter to my neighbor's house 1st. When my husband got out of his truck, he was crying and cursing. Then he threw the 2 dog collars on the ground and told me they were gone. I went nuts. I grabbed the collars and my husband grabbed me. I hit the ground. I told him that he had to go back and get them. That my babies were not going to stay in a ditch. My husband is the strongest person I know. He went back and picked up our babies, even tho they were not in the best shape, and brought them home to be buried. He told me I couldn't look at them, they were too bad. But I had too, I had to say good-bye. So he covered up everything but their heads and I said good-bye. That night I helped my husband dig a grave for 2 very special babies. We cried, we cursed....then we had to tell our 4 year old. I held strong. I told her what happened. She bawled. I had horrible nightmares that night, got 2 hours of sleep and had to work the next day. I cried all day at work, then I started calling people to find out what happened. I had to know when this happened, how this happened, who hit them! Instead I got worse news. I found out my babies were on the shoulder of the road...until a tractor came by and pushed them into the ditch, like they were trash. That is why we couldn't find them.
I have gone out to the grave everyday and told them how much i love them. I look at their pictures that are all over my house and I cry. We had storms today, and Sam (my big chicken dog) was ALWAYS scared of storms. We always brought them inside during a storm. I kept looking out at the grave and saying sorry to them and they didn't deserve to be in the rain. Then later a black dog was walking in our yard and i screamed. My husband came running. I broke down. I just can't take this anymore. I can't stop thinking about them, good and bad. I cry all the time. Everyone else around me, my husband, my daughter, the rest of my family all seem past this now.
I decided tonight that I had to find something to help me. So I did a search and found this sight. I read a few of the posts and cried. Then I decided I had to write too. Maybe this will help me. I have to get this out.