My Baby Is Gone...

Hello all.. I am new and I really wish i didnt need this place as much as i do now..

My name is Chayla, my display name is my cat ,Tigerlily

yesterday my sweet baby cat Tigerlily was put to sleep..we got her when she was about 2 and had had her for 16 years . i was 5 years old when she came into my my life.. so tigerlily is all ive ever known in my life, i never had any other pets..



she was cute and amazing, and so smart, we were always together and i depended on her like i think she depended on me.. in highschool i stopped making friends and never had a boyfriend but i always had her.she was a big part of my world and i didnt really know anyone who considered their pet to be their best friend or their child like i did. i looked after her solely and planned to take her with me when i left home.
i left for college 2 years ago but couldnt afford a place that would allow pets so she stayed at my mums house and i visited her every fortnight or so whilst at college.





I was looking for a place (im in my last week of college) for us both when she suddenly fell ill, she got worse and worse over the weekend and we decided to put her to sleep. the vets suspected lymphoma blocking her intestines and told us that attempting to treat it would only be buying her time in the end..

i felt lost and alone, she was my baby!! i was going to take her with me ad we were going to be together till the end!! if only she could have stayed for another month we would have been together...
oH! i feel so guilty!! i went to college for two years and i left her at her most vulnerable!! she had never been so sick whilst under my care, while i still lived at home... i feel like i let her down, like i only showed up to put her to sleep !!!


i need her so much.. i need her now so much.. she was my priority at the end of this year and living together was going to be so nice.. just like the old days but i failed her..

we buried her at a local pet cemetery ... i didnt want to.. i didnt want to do any of it. i wanted to make her better. i cant understand how she went downhill so quickly.. i mean.. within a week..
she lived 18 years which i tried my best to make perfect for her.. but i just feel so empty now..

i researched about the illness lymphoma and stories about other cats who went through chemo and other long and strenuous treatments and how a lot became better and i just feel worse... should i have pushed harder for the vets to do something??? i guess i was afraid... she hadnt eaten properly , she was weak and could hardly walk... i guess i was also afraid of having to turn down surgery due to the cost (chemo can run into the thousands) I FEEL SO SELFISH!!! i felt she was going to live long into her 20s .. then the sickness came..
im a terrible mom!!

oh tigerlily... please forgive me... i tried my best for you, i followed the vets advice, thinking it was best.. id never seen you so sick looking.. i wanted you to be at peace.. I love you so much ,tigerlily!!

I need to know i didnt make a bad choice... that i didnt give up on my baby.. i left her for 2 years to go to college.. i feel guilty and awful...