I Miss My Little Buddy

I'm crying again tonight even though I lost my little buddy 3 weeks ago. Daddy Cat (aka Mr Cat) started going downhill in September and I had him euthanized on 4 October. Part of me feels incredibly guilty I did not move more quickly to figure out why he seemed to be slowing down a few months ago. The vet did blood tests and they turned up no problems, but suddenly in September he stopped eating and eventually we found out he had a really bad heart problem. I can't stop thinking that I should have been more concerned about him over the summer.

And then there is the guilt that maybe I put him through too much as we tried to figure out what was wrong and help him get better. He had a little plateau where he began eating again and then he went back into a decline.

I have to admit he was by far my favorite cat of the four that I had and I doted on him. And I feel like I let him down when he needed me the most. The last few weeks of his life I'd let him outside whenever he wanted (he was an inside/outside cat, though he had less interest in being outside the older he got, and he had a fenced in yard to keep him safe) and sit with him as long as he wanted to be out there. and I could get him to play a little, and eat some catnip, but I remember feeling so sad because it was the fall and I had the feeling he would not be around for the winter. And he seemed so...tired. But he had flashes of his old self. Three times I decided to euthanize him and then couldn't go through with it. But the last time I knew I had to.

Now my heart is broken. It seems like he's just out of reach, but he's gone forever. Forever! I'm so sorry little buddy.

I found the post on this site about when I lost my Oscar back in 2006. I mentioned Mr. Cat then - he showed up the very next day to visit. And even though he had hissed at me before, he started letting me get close. Eventually he adopted me and decided he wanted to share the house. That's what makes this so hard. My little buddy adopted me, and now he's gone.