Does The Pain Ever Stop

Hi everyone! I'm new here & I hope I'm in the right place.
So many of you have such recent loss & I'm very sorry for you.
I understand your pain. I was wondering if there's anyone that has lost a fur baby that is not recent.
I lost our beautiful, loving, protective (I could go on forever) dog Bear 12/4/2005. She was a shepherd/Akita mix.
I had to have her PTS because she was in pain with hip problems because of her age (15 years old). I held her the whole time, telling her how much I love her. We had her since she was 5 weeks old. I thought my world would end that day. I spent 3 months in my bedroom just wanting to join her. I thank God for my sons because if not for having them, I think I would have joined her. My sons are my life & made me keep going. I still blame myself for making the decision to have my baby girl PTS...
I lost our precious boy Kitty 3/31/2006. He was a Maine Coon. He was the funniest most talkative cat I have ever seen. After spending weeks morning noon night & middle of the night fighting a liver disease that the vet gave us less then a 5% chance of beating, he made it. I thought this handsome guy could fight anything till 2 years later a tumor was found in his belly & once again I had to make the decision to have another loved one PTS. I also held him & told him how much I loved him.
My last love is our Spooky Girl. She was a regular house cat. She was showing signs of old age & I said we have only 6 months left with her. Unfortunately I was right. It was right at 6 months & we found her laying in the closet and I knew what was happening. I brought her out & held her till she went to sleep.
I have had 3 loves of my life die right in my arms. I wouldn't do it any other way & leave them. I wanted them to know they were loved right to the very end (and after)
My problem is I still can't get over the immense pain I still feel this long after. Does anyone have anything that's helped them? I had special candles made for them with their pictures on them that I light for them on birthdays, death days & holidays. I can't let go of the pain & I still can't stop the tears.
I also have another problem I don't know how to change. It took me several years before I was able to get another dog after Bear. I now have 2. My 1st dog, I used Bears name & changed the letters around to make her Brea (long E). My problem is I won't let myself get close to them because I know one day they will also die in my arms & I don't want, can't take that pain again. I thought I'd be ok when I got them but I'm not. They deserve so much more then I can give them but I don't know how to do that when all I think about is the future pain I'll feel if I let myself get too close. This means my husband has to make up for my time too..
Has anyone ever had these feeling & if you did, how did you get over it?
Any help is greatly appreciated!
I'm very sorry this is so long. I didn't know how to explain it any shorter.
Thank you to anyone who might answer..

Bears Mom Always