11 Weeks For My Rosa

Rosa, my 12 y/o daschund whom I had to put to sleep on March 25 still is in my every thought, probably more so this last week. Heidi, my 10 y/o surviving daschund I think got a dry weed in her nose and has been sneezing constantly since last Friday. I made an appoinment at the vet for yesterday. My wife had to take her there becuase I swore that I would never go back to the place where I had Rosa killed (we love to beat ourselves up, don't we). Anyway, our regular vet was unavailable and the other vet said it was allergies and to give her some benedryl. Well, by he way she instantly started sneezing violently, she does not have allergies, she has something foreign in her nose, thoat, or in that area. She eats o.k., but has very little energy. for example, when we go to bed at night, her normal ritual is to circle around the bed for 5 min and make a nest and then settle down. Now, she walks 3 steps and plops down and doesn't move except to sneeze and continually swallow. I told my wife that I will give it until Friday and then take her to another vet entirely. I am so afraid that she might get sicker and die. I couldn't bear to go through this again so soon.

About a month after Rosa's death I became ill with shingles. It has been a painful and difficult experience. I'm sure it was caused by my deep grieving for her. I let my immune system get low and I got sick. I still have them, and was having to take 12 Percocet pills every day (a walking zombie). I went to see a pain managment specialist and he did an epidural block of the painful area (abdomen and back) and there has been substantial reflief. I only have taken 3 pain pills in the last week. I get a second epidural today and one more next week. He said it's not a cure, but takes the pain away and gives the body time to heal on it's own. I hope he is right.

I have been thinking alot about Rosa lately. I know a part of me died along with her on March 25th. It's interesting how we remember small things after they are gone. The day I got her ready to have her put down, the last thing I did was take her collar off and her tags. It wasn't such a big thing then, but it's tearing me up today. It could be that I got Heidi ready to go to the vet yesterday. I looked at her collar and remembered Rosa's last moments.

I am 49 y/o and am disabled since 2002. I have no childred and Rosa was truly my baby and my loyal friend since 1993. She followed me everywhere. Where did the years go? I have reflected on my life since this incident and realize that as loved ones pass, I have asked myself that same question.

I haven't posted in quite awhile (maybe 3 weeks). I 've been doing fairly well emotoinally. But this setback has created the need to share and try to relieve this heaviness from my chest. Thanks for listening. Russ

Almost 2 Months For My Rosa

It has been almost 2 months since I had to put my 12 y/o Daschund Rosa to sleep. I am over the initial shock and understand that I will never see her in this life again. It still makes me cry to say that, but it is a fact. I have read so many posts regarding pets that have been tragically killed by a car or had their lives cut short in other ways. I was LUCKY to have Rosa for over 12 years. She was such a good dog and was so loyal. It's amazing to think that in 12 years we never spoke to each other, but communicated in every other way. Maybe if were to be in touch with our human loved ones in the same manner we would learn the true meaining of love, devotion and loyalty.

I have been suffering with Shingles for the past few weeks. There have been some complications and I have to take over 15 pills a day. I have been to a 4 doctors, 3 of them specialists. Nobody can seem to control he pain. It is all beginning to take it's toll on my mental state of mind. The pain needs to end in one way or another.

Heidi, my surviving Daschund is doing well now. I hate to say it but I think he has forgotten completely about Rosa. She is in CHARGE of the household now and there is no stopping her. She used to beg for her treats, now she DEMANDS them. It's all ok with me as she is now my reason and purpose for carrying on. I have been thinking about getting another dog for Heidi, but I really think she is enjoying being an only dog.

It's been heartbreaking seeing many of the regulars leaving this site, many of who helped me so much in the early days of my loss. I guess we must concentrate on the here and now and develope the same realationships and support with everyone who remains. I wish all of those people the best of luck and I want to thank each and every one for their help and kind words.

I am going to close for now. Hoping this finds everyone coping as best they can at whatever stage of recovey in the grief process that you may be at. Talk to you soon. Russ :-))))

Follow Up On "now I Am Sick"

First of all, thanks to everyone who responded to my post. I have felt so alone with this and it was so comforting to hear from people. All the suggestions were appreciated.
I went to my pcp this morning. I had a detailed list of what had transpired with my hosptial visit and finding nothing wrong with me. I gave him a 3 page detailed list of everything that happened plus new symptoms. One of the new symptoms was in the flank area of my back, around where the kidney would be, I was having lots of pain there. In addition I have begun to break out in a number of skin rashes in the last 2 days. I showed it to him and he said "BINGO" You have shingles. He explained that it is basically adult chicken pox that can strike at anytime but especially when then immune system is depressed. Life events and sorrows definately can cause the immune system to be depressed. I asked him how sure he was. He told me that he has been practicing medicine for 21 years and stakes his professional reputuation that he is correct with this diagnosis. He said all the symptoms that I am having are associated with shingles. The reason it was missed by the hospital and himself in the last few weeks is because the rashes had not appeared yet. They were looking at the bigger picture, possibly liver, kidney stones, gall stones, etc. He gave me 3 perscriptions to take for 10 days and follow up with him. He said there is a downside to all of this. 10% of patients with shingles never get rid of the pain, they have it for life. He said that usually is in the 70+ age group. if I am one of the unlucky ones, there are meds that can be perscribed to keep the pain in check. I will hope that goes away. He also said that the pain normally lasts for up to 2 months after you take all the medication for the other 90%. I cried once again (been doing alot of that recently) and hugged him. He laughed and said that he never has seen anyone so happy to have shingles.
I know this is getting long but I have one more important point. I have a post in on this site about 30 days ago entitled "I wish I could Believe" I talked about my not believing in god and not being spiritual. This event has changed my life. I have been praying to god for help the last few days. My prayers have been answered and I will be making major changes to my life and my outlook on things. Please read that post if you want to know what I was thinking then.
Anyway, thank all of you again. I hope I haven't bored you. I really believe that my baby "Rosa" had God watch over me and find and answer to my sickness. Thanks for listening. Rusty

Now I Am Sick

It has been 5 weeks since Rosa, my 12 y/o daschund has died. I have cried nonstop (gut wrenching) most of the time ever since.
I have a question for anyone who can relate. On Thursday I went to the evergency room with horrible abdominal pains radiating to my back. The pain is so intense that my pcp perscribed vicodin prior to going to the hospital. Once in the hospital they gave me morphine as I was vomiting from the pain. They did a ct scan and ultrasound and found nothing. Yesterday the discharged me saying that they could find nothing wrong with me and there was nothing more that they could do. Now I am so scared to death. I am in intense pain and have no recourse. I will go back to my pcp on Monday but I doubt that there is anything that he can do now.
I know that this is not a medical fourm, but wondered if maybe all the gut wrenching crying that I have been doing could have caused a severe muscle pull in my stomach. I mentioned this to the E.R. doctor and he just brushed it off.
Has any of this happened to any of you??????? I now just pray and try not to cry. I feel that I cannot live with this intense pain every day. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Thanks Rusty

4 Weeks Today For Rosa

It has been 4 weeks today since I had to put my Rosa down. She was my 12 y/o Longhaired Daschund. The first 2 weeks were just horrible. I cried nonstop and was in physical pain. Since then I still cry daily, but the pain has lessened. I haven't been able to sleep this evening because today is 4 weeks since I had to put her to sleep. I have had a real rough day today.
I finally vac%%ed the living room carpet about a week ago of all her fur, but still haven't been able to do the hallway or the bedrooms. I'm afraid to invited anyone over due to the filthy carpet, but I'll do it when I'm ready. People will just have to understand.
Heidi, my surviving Daschund (short haired) seems to be doing better and doesn't look for Rosa quite as much. I think that is a good thing and she is starting to heal also. I look at Heidi in a much different way now. I look in her eyes and I see Rosa. Her mannerisms are much the same also. Heidi came to us 2 years after Rosa, so Rosa has raised her. Rosa was such a sweet and kind dog and I never noticed it in Heidi until after Rosa was gone. I told her this morning "You are such a sweet dog. That is because Rosa taught you to be sweet and you don't know any other way to act".
The only time Rosa would go nuts would be when the next door neighbors friends would come over with their Black Lab. He is a BIG boy and Rosa did not want him there. She would go over to the block fence and bark and bark and bark. The lab would counter with a very deep bark. Neither would back down until I would finally bring Rosa in the house. Well, the other day the lab returned for a visit. This is the first time since Rosa is gone. Heidi, who by the way always stayed in the house when the barking match was on, ran outside with her hair standing up on her back. She ran to the fence and barked once or twice. The lab let out a very deep WOOOOOOF!!!!. Heidi turned and ran in the house, whimpering the entire way in. I held her and told her it was o.k. She didn't have to be brave like Rosa. If she could speak she would probably say "Brave like Rosa. You mean crazy like Rosa. I don't want to get eaten by that thing".
When I feel especially sad, I come in here and read the stories of everyone. I figure I will do this when I'm sad so I can cry for everyone and myself all at the same time. It is so nice to see that many people are getting new pets. I hope they will bring joy to all. Thanks for listening and I will post again. Rusty :-))