My Beautiful Boy Winston

on monday 30th january 2012 my heart and world literally stopped - i had to let my baby boy go to sleep forever he was just 4 i cant make sense of it all he was only 4 its not right. on the wednesday he had a slight limp he was always leaping and bounding around and we had just had a big walk nothing out of the ordaniary then he was fine after a bit thursday morning he didnt want his breakfast but was his usual bouncy self ate a little in the afternoon he was whining that night but by morning he was in so much pain howling - he kept trying to stand up but couldnt it broke my heart took him straight to the vets they kept him in he had xrays test etc all weekend but got steadyly worse and ended up paralysed sat/sun they said he had no deep pain response to his hind legs and rump and that it was a spinal or neurological problem they suggested a mri scan on the sat to which i was trying to arrange but by sun they said there was no point - i got a phonecall mon morning saying his situation was dire and i needed to make the decision to let him sleep i mentioned the mri to which i was told theres no point because allmost certainly he would need surgery and that would only have a 10% success rate, they said he was heavy sedated and crate rest would not make a difference i made the appointment for that afternoon when i went to see him i expected him to be i dunno unconcious i suppose but he wasnt he was sitting there he tried to get up and looked at me questionly as to why he couldnt. They showed me how they pinched his toes and he didnt have a clue they were doing it i spoke to the vet again who basically said if he was my dog i would do it in a heartbeat he was on morphine for the pain i looked at my babys face who was still trying to kiss his mummy and thought about the previous week when he was belting full pelt down the garden chasing his ball or a bird or teasing my 2 year old by running round with her teddy in his mouth and knew that even if we could control the pain he would not have been happy as a paraplegic dog and made the hardest choice iv ever had to make. When the vet did the injection he had such a look of confusion in his eyes ( this i will never forget) he then went down with such a thud she left and said shed come back in a couple of mins and that it would take seconds well after a couple of mins he was still breathing and i had to call a nurse the vet came back and gave him another shot and this time he went.

Im so confused i read somewhere once that your dog will let you know when their ready but he thought he was coming home my hearts telling me i did the right thing but i feel like i just took someones word on what to do and the fact the 1st injection was his way of telling me he didnt want to go but how could i let him stay in pain and have operations would proberly fail. The hardest thing of all is not knowing actually what was wrong

I LOVE YOU MY WINNIE WINNIE POOH POOH NOV 2007 - JAN 2012 XX

My Beautiful Boy Winston

monday 30th january 2012 at 3pm my world stopped when i let you go my baby boy winston aka winnie winnie pooh pooh you were only 4 i still dont understand,i did what i did cause i loved you so much you were howling in so much pain which left your hind legs and rump paralised you were never gonna get better and i know that because you attacked life with such gutso that being a disabled dog was not for u the grief and guilt i will never get over when you looked at me and thought you were coming home and i wonder did i make the right choice for u but in my heart i know i did. you were fine chasing your ball and the birds the day before and now your doing it in heaven you were my baby my friend and now my angel in fur i miss your cuddles and jessie misses you chasing her around the garden - sleep well my winnie winnie pooh pooh mummy loves u forever *********