Picture Of Spanky

Lost My Cat, Spanky

I lost my 7-yr old cat, Spanky, on Monday Jan 30th through euthanasia and I feel so hurt and the pain is horrible. I've never had to do that before and never want to do it again. It's bad enough when they go on their own but it's worse when we have to help them. It was horrible, not the euthanasia but just the whole thing of it all.. My heart was torn into peices and is still hurting so bad and I cry all the time. When I got his cremains back I felt a little better but not the best and cried and cried and cried.

My furbaby was sick and I thought it was a 24-hr thing not realizing it was far worse then I thought. He wouldn't eat from Fri, 27th, to Sunday morning and that's when he threw up and not acting right. I called our Vet and took him in and right away he was saying my baby's blood cells were breaking down and it's called IMHA-Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemea. He said we could put him on meds and do blood tranfusions and he wanted to keep my baby there but there wouldn't be anybody there again until Monday morning and I said no I want him home with me if anything should happen and didn't want him alone if anything happened. He gave me meds to take home for my baby. Later on at home my baby was getting worse and could no longer walk on his hind legs and was crawling and looking back at his hind legs meowing horribly. I picked him up, rocked him, cuddled him (he loved being cuddled), gave him lovins, and told him how much I love him, and I cried. I really did try to be calm for him but I just couldn't do it. He did rub his nose hard on my chin and into my cheek and I love him for it. I made the call at 11:30 pm, Sunday and by 12:30 am Monday my baby was gone and I was with him the whole time. I was crying really hard by then and before and did not want to leave my baby there and wanted my husband to go back to the Dr and get him but of course he wouldn't. I want my baby back so I can once again hold him and cuddle him! I love him so much and miss him so very much! His brother misses him and is grieving and doing as well as can be expected and I am keeping close watch of him.....they were so close to each other. He's keeping watch of me too and we are comforting each other as much as possible.

I have so much guilt about all of it. Why didn't I see that something was going on with him? Why didn't I see his eyes, inside of his ears , and mouth were yellow? Why? why? why? Why didn't I wait for Monday mornings appt for blood work etc before putting him to sleep? I feel I made the wrong decision and the Dr could have saved him with the meds and the transfusions and I'd still have my baby here alive. I feel so bad because I didn't have the money to take him, his brother and my four females for thier regular checkups and vaccines and if I had had the money for it then maybe the Dr would have caught it. It's all my fault!!!!!

Why hasn't my baby come to me? I just know he's upset with me for what I did and will never come to me I know he loves me but......
I just want my baby back!!!!!!