Another Heartbroken One

I just sit here and stare at the page. What do I say? I can tell you folks understand even that. I can't stop crying, my gut is so wrenched. My beautiful kitty, Mittens, got out apparenlty thorugh the cellar the night before last. We had a terrible thunderstorm that night. I didn't notice her missing until late morning yesterday. And now I'm just sick. We live in the country, surrounded by woods. Wet woods, though, and she didn't like to get her feet wet... She is an indoor cat but used to go out with me and follow me all around the yard, or a little ways into the woods. She loved to be outdoors with me, it was the cutest thing. She'd purr and rub on me, coming to sit on my lap every few minutes, if I was sitting... or just sit and watch me work.
I can't believe she is gone... we put up posters and have been walking and calling and talking to neighbors. I couldn't sleep, and once i thought I heard the coyotes and my insides just shriveled right up, and I kept dreaming awful things, people calling to tell me their dog ate her, and someone else had cooked her in a stew and wanted me to eat it...
I've been through pain before, my brohter-in-law was murdered 3 years ago, so I know the intensity will pass but I can hardly stand it. Everytime the realization passes through my mind, by gut and throat clench up. Part of me just wants to go on and on about how precious she was, but it hurts so much to think about her that specifically. She should be sitting here wiht me right now, on the chair across my shoulders, purring. I'd put my head back and rub her wiht the back of my head - she loved that. She loved me. She was my comforter, knowing when I was sad and coming to me with such love and purring. I know I"ll feel better someday, but right now it doesn't seem possible. We just moved to this house in Dec., our dream house, a log cabin with a fireplace.... and now I hate it. My poor husband - he left the doors open. I know he's dying inside too, and feels so guilty, it is hard to let him see my pain.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I have to work tomorrow, start of the summer semester - how can I do that? Thanks for listening. I'm at such a loss to pass each moment...
Sometimes I get a very wierd panicky feeling, too. I already have anxiety issues. I need my kitty.