I Am So Sad

A couple of weeks ago my brother-in-law died. We took our Golden Retriever to the Kennel to be boarded. The funeral was in Alabama and I live in Illinois. The morning we left I gave Shadow a hug, told him I loved him and as usual he smiled and extended his paw to show affection. About 2 hours from our destination I received a call from the kennel saying that Shadow wasn't eating and was not getting up. I gave the permission to take him to the ER Clinic and had a friend meet them at the clinic. 20 miles from my destination I got a call from the clinic and was told that they did an Xray and there was s "mass" which was probably cancer and that Shadow was dying. I was given the optionof having them do exploratory surgery which would have cost between $3k and 4k. and that the dog may not have survived and it could effect his quality of life etc.... My friend who was there was a dog lover and I trusted her judgement. She thought it was best that Shadow be euthanized. I wanted to turn around and return home, but by the time I would have returned he would have suffered and not been alive. My wife and I agreed to euthanize. I had my friend hold the dog and put the cell phone to hid ear during the process. My friend said as soon as he heard my voice, he relaxed. I gave thanks to Shadow for being my best friend and shared my love and good byes. He died while I spoke with him. I got through my Brother-in law, funeral and returned home in a couple of days to an empty house. I wish I could have been there when Shadow died. He was always there for me. It was not meant to be. It is so hard to be my house. I love my wife, but I still struggle. We have had a dog for the last twenty seven years. Our two kids are grown and live a distance away. Not having Shadow is just so difficult. He was always near me and would follow me around the house. Every AM at 6AM he would wake us up. I hope I will recover from this loss. We plan on getting another Golden in a few months. I guess at some level I don't want to portray that I can get another dog to "replace" Shadow.
It is helpful for me to write this note. I am letting those who have lost a friend know that you are not alone.
Ohev