Muddy Went With The Old Year

[FONT=Arial][COLOR=purple]My dog Muddy was always a fussy eater. She was an almost 13 year old mixed breed(some chow, some afghan hound, some golden retriever)who kept getting thinner and thinner and was not eating much one day and gobbling down a lot another. When I came down with the flu I noticed that she wasn't herself and was having a hard time keeping her back legs up so she could stand and walk. We took her to the vet last monday and he gave her antibiotics and told us if she didn't eat call him friday. She ate one day, Wednesday...her absolute favorite...a can of tuna. Nothing after that. Thursday my boyfriend was having to carry her in and out of the house into the yard. We were up most of thursday night crying, knowing that the end was near.
Friday morning Rob walked her down a few houses and I saw her tail wag, just a little, for the last time...she was so happy to be sniffing and getting the neighborhood news. Then he put her on my lap and we drove through her favorite park. She noticed the dogs and squirrels and when we drove past my mom's apartment building she noticed that too. The end was so peaceful but Rob and I have been overwhelmed by the grief. We improve a little day by day but I find myself noticing "milestones" now...I did laundry last night and kept thinking all of these clothes I wore when Muddy was still alive. I hadn't left the house since we came back without her on friday so getting back from the laundromat was the first time I arrived home without Muddy being there. We have 2 other dogs and their presence helps but it also reminds us of the hole in our lives since Muddy has passed on. When I got home Bucky just cried and rubbed his face in my lap like he did when we came home friday.
Muddy had so much personality and was such a pretty dog. I hadn't realized how much I shaped my life around her and sometimes the hole is unbearable. She really was a little star and it seems so quiet now. Bedtime is the worst for me...she rarely slept with me at night but she was always waiting to get into my room and get into her little spot at the foot of my bed. On sick days and weekend naps she was right in bed next to me. This is my first day back to work and I'm doing well but I'm kind of dreading going home...when I am home I keep wanting to call her...not seeing her after work might be difficult.

Thank you all for reading my precious Muddy's story. I noticed another person was having her dog cremated. I'm doing the same with Muddy and I can't wait to get her ashes back. I never thought I would feel that way but I find it a comfort to think about her being back with us. I didn't worry about the cremation process...I just kept seeing her limp and skinny on the exam table after the shot. It turns out she had stomach cancer. I keep wanting to pet my poor baby. I agree that we do find one thing to concentrate on and that makes us crazy. It was good to read that. Peaceful thoughts and blessings to all of you out there. Annie