Weird Question

This question may not fit here, but maybe somebody can help. Every since Kiva died, my house has been overrun by fleas. I didn't even know he had them, but now they are everywhere. I had the house treated by fleabusters, but they are still all over the place and biting me and my kids. It might take a few more weeks. Do any of you know anything that will repel them from biting us? Something we can put on our legs? It is really horrible. They are even in our beds, and weren't while he was alive. I don't get it. I read about lavender and was thinking about spraying it in our beds.
Thanks,
Mimi

Thank You All

Hi,
I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind replies during the first few weeks after Kiva's death. I've never been on a website where people responded so quickly and with so much caring and support. You all really helped me get through those days. I felt like nobody really understood the depth of the loss because most of my friends have animals but they're just pets. Not real members of the family like Kiva was. The fact that I had a place to come and write and cry and write and cry was so healing. I'm really proud of myself because I let myself cry when I felt it and talked about Kiva a ton with my kids and I think dealt with the loss in a real healthy way. It was really different from past losses when I didn't let myself cry, hid my pain or didn't have time to grieve. And I'm so proud of my kids too. It actually turned out to be a very beautiful, healing time in spite of the horror of him being gone. Kiva kept us together and helped us stay healthy, even after his death. So . . . thank you Kiva for helping me raise my family and thank you all for your wonderful support.
Love, Mimi

A New Thought

Hi,
I haven't been on for awhile. I took my daughters out of town for a few days just to get away and came home to an empty spot in the living room where Kiva always laid around during the last few years of his life. Every time I look at that spot, it's like a stab in my heart. When I was in the living room watching TV or reading, he would lay there and constantly stare at me with this incredible, intense love in his eyes until I would go over and pet him. And I got a beautiful sympathy card from my vet and all the staff. Which made me cry as soon as I saw it. It was so weird because the house didn't smell like him at all.
But today it is really icy outside and all of a sudden I found myself thanking God for taking him when he did. Kiva had become completely deaf and if I touched him from behind or showed up when he wasn't expecting it, he'd jump a foot. I always felt so terrible when I accidentally scared him. He had been such a proud and protective watchdog. Also, he was so scared of slipping and icy sidewalks. Sometimes it was absolute hell to get him to go outside to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't go out the front door or the back. He'd get all excited to go for a walk and then stop at the front door and refuse to go out the door. He would just look at me so helpless and sad. We would try everything, running to get area rugs for him to walk on, towels on the front porch, I even bribed him with cat treats (his favorite) to go gingerly one step at a time out the door. I had someone build a non-slip ramp covered wiith astroturf when he couldn't walk down the stairs from the deck into the backyard without falling. It was all so stressful. I find myself feeling relieved that he missed this winter. It would have been really hard. . And also the fact that he isn't in pain anymore. I know it was the right time although I miss him terribly. Maybe it will help everyone who had very elderly pets to think about the pain and the bad stuff that he or she won't have to suffer anymore. I don't know. But I wish all of us some peace and lighter hearts in the new year.
Love, Mimi

Feeling So Sick In My Stomach And My Heart

I feel so bad because I can't respond to anyone else's posts when I'm feeling so sad. I don't want to just be a taker, but I don't know where else to go with my feelings. When Kiva got so sick, the vet told me he had a lot of fleas. I had no idea. He didn't scratch much and we never saw them in the house. But when the vet came to our house to put him down, he said that we would have to get the house treated because without Kiva, they would come after us. And have they ever. Two nights ago, I was just sitting at my computer when I felt a sting on my hand and there was a flea. My daughter found two in her bed. It is so creepy and gross. So today, I am getting the carpets cleaned and tomorrow we are getting the house treated by a compay called Flea Busters. We have to do this becauase after they flea people treat, the rug can't be deeply cleaned.

I feel so sick to my stomach and my heart is so heavy. I find I can't eat during the day until about 4, when I get really hungry. I want to cry, but I haven't been able to. I haven't cried for two days because I've been busy with my kids and work. The carpet people are here and they are wiping out all the traces of Kiva from the rug. We always had dog hair around and it smelled like him. I almost hope they can't get the stain out where he peed before he died. I put a plant over the spot where he always lay. But now I wish I didn't, because every time I walk by it, it reminds me that he is never coming back. I feel it lightly most of the time, because when I really realize it, it's unbearable. I left the last bite of my toast this morning for Kiva because I often gave him the final bite of what I was eating. And I put the bag of groceries on the floor last night where I always had to put it on the counter before, because he would get into it. It's constant reminders and I feel sick to my stomach all the time. Like a feeling of anxiety, like I can't breathe very well. I probably just need to go somewhere and cry, but I have to leave for work in a few minutes. I feel so heavy, like a weigh a thousand pounds. Well . . . thanks for listening.
Mimi

This Sounds Terrible But . .

Thank you everyone who responded to my post before. It's only the day after Kiva died and I'm looking on this site every five minutes. It has helped so much to know that other people understand how intense this is. I always thought I had abnormal relationships to my animals because I got so attached and them to me. They were my babies, my soul mates, as others on this site have described it. My cat Flakey, I had for 18 years and she was the only constant thing in my life throughout my twenties and thirties. I had to have her put to sleep when my husband was dying. In a way, it was a gift because explaining her death to my little boy and going through it prepared him a little bit for his dad dying. But the part that felt terrible to me, until I found this site, is that I think that Kiva's death feels harder for me right now than the deaths of my father, my husband, other deaths of people I've loved. It's just that he was such a constant presence in our lives, every second of life at home included him. Anyway, just wanted to say that to people who understand. Thank you again.
Mimi