I Never Knew It Would Hurt This Bad

My 13-year old Maine Coon, Franklin, passed away on September 26th. He was suffering from a number of medical issues which were beginning to cause him pain and had greatly deteriorated his quality of life. For the past 4 weeks, my husband and I agonized over his decline, thinking that he could pass away any day. On September 25th we made the decision to put him to sleep. To make it easier on him, we asked the vet to come to our house. He hated the car and the vet and we wanted him to be comfortable. For 15 hours we cried and tried to make our last hours together special, even though he didn't really know who we were anymore. The act of putting him to sleep was incredibly painful for me to watch as was the act of burying him.

I feel like I am so sad that I can barely breathe. I feel incredibly guilty for making the decision to put him to sleep. I feel like there is a whole in my heart and all of the air is leaking out of me. I knew that I loved Franklin like he was my baby, but I never knew that it would hurt this bad.