Please Help,i Am Feeling So Sad

Dear All,

I don't even know how or where to start with this.I will type as best as I can through my tears of sadness.6 weeks ago i came downstairs to feed my 3 beautiful staffies their breakfast.As usual they were all happy and everything was normal.But literally straight after breakfast,my eldest Levi who was 2 weeks away from 15 started sitting and stumbling about on the spot.She was crying and my 6 year old staffie Charlie started washing her trying to comfort her.I immediately knelt down to comfort her and see what was wrong.She ran away from me and was so tense and frightened.She has never been afraid of me and I felt terrible that I could not comfort her.She kept running from the front door to the back door almost as if she was having a panic attack,i'm not sure.I finally managed to settle her and comfort her.I knew there was something very wrong as she has always been a strong little girl who lived life to the full and was always happy and healthy.I phoned the vet straight away and rushed her in.She had sadly had a heart attack and was failing fast.She was almost lifeless in my arms and there was nothing I could do apart from kiss her and hold her.She was sadly put to sleep.I feel so much pain even though I know I have little comfort in knowing she lived a full happy life but it's so raw...I have now been dealt with another intolerable sadness.My beautiful sweatheart Magic my other staffie who was 10 was suddenly taken ill.She was sit and healthy,living life to the full but had started bringing up bile so i took her to the vet.She was showing no signs of illness apart the bile and and also slight loss of weight.The vet examined her and thought she may have an ulcer but there may be a chance of it being something more sinister.She was treated with medication but was rushed back to the vets as she was being sick.She was then investigated and the vet found she had a tumor in her intestine.There was nothing he could do.At 10 years old,I just feel I have cheated Magics life and cut it short as she was so incredibly happy and healthy.But I know deep,deep down there was nothing that could be done.The thought of a tumor in her makes me feel sick.I am so heart broken.I just feel so suffocated in sadness.They were my family.I still have my boy Charlie,but we are both so lost.They all got along so well and I did so much with them I just feel that life will never be the same.I hope i dont sound too sad to you all but I cant help it I just feel terrible.
Zoe ***