I Feel Cheated

I feel cheated... Poms are suppose to live a long life. Our little dog was only 10 1/2. Then in the back of my mind I hear "you cheated yourself" "he would have made it a little longer had you not had him put down". When we discovered the heart and pulmonary problems six weeks ago, I stupidily took on this "stoic" attitude that he was too good and precious of a little dog to let him suffer. I was soooo firm in my attitude... after his long and horrible last night on this earth and I made the decision.....now.... all I feel is sadness and resentment towards myself for not holding on to him for as long as I could. He Loved our family soooo much. He was so Dear.

Overwhelmed With Grief And Guilt

Hello. Unfortunately I have became a member of this "club" but I am so glad to have found this support forum. I am totally overwhelmed and cannot get myself pulled together.
Six weeks ago our little Pomeranian started coughing and gagging continously. Took him to the vet. Said he had pneumonia, fluid build up and tonsilitis. Gave hime 2 shots, antibiotic and cough med for home. He seemed a little better but certainly not over it. Vet gave more cough meds, stronger antibiotic. Still not better after that. Next visit, said he had a heart condition, fluid build up, fast respiration, murmur. Started him on Lasix & more cough meds. He continued to decline. Our usual Vet is semi retired and is not in his office very often, doesn't make appts. so is first come first served. This was proving too hard on our little guy so we took him to a different vet. He confirmed the heart conditon and said his lungs was working only 1/4 capacity. Next week worse, gave him a 15 day taper off dose of prednisone, cough meds and Lasix. The pred did seem to help some at the maximum dose and he had began eating again normally. Last Wed. he coughed and hacked a lot throughout the night, Lasix was moved up to twice a day, Thursday night was even worse and Friday night was Horrible. He coughed and gagged All Night Long. Respiration around 130. Took him to the Vet with the intentions of IF nothing more could be done for him to have him put to sleep. So....that's what I did. I Am So Guilt and Grief stricken I want a do-over! I have cried and cried and cried. I wish I would have brought him back home with me alive. I am sick about it. He was so cute, so sweet and so much fun. He has lived with us for over 10 1/2 years. He was back to eating. I had just bought him his special heart food, and month supply of heart meds. Why didn't I wait another couple of weeks? He still enjoyed us so much. I keep reminding myself of how awful it was for him that final night but it does not help. I feel like I had one of my children Killed. I know I sound Crazy. I was raised on a farm all my life and have dealt with animal dieing. We had two of our outside dogs put down for old age health problems but...this has taken me by surprise and I can't seem to find any peace. And I miss him so bad. Everywhere I go in this house I expect him.
Sorry for this being so long.