Is This Normal At Death?

I posted recently that my German Shep was sick and likely in her last days. Last Sunday (after 5 weeks of 24 hour a day care) she no longer could get up and we had to make the horrible decision to euthenize.

I could not go, I loved this dog more than I can say. My older son and husband stayed w/her through the procedure.

We had another dog (12 years) that lost all function in her hind legs put to sleep in Nov. 08. My son was disturbed because she was very alert and when the anesthesia dose hit her she went from a lying (up) position and quickly fell to the side. It was an image that stayed with my son that he did not like. She was sedated ahead of time, but it didn't work well.

This time w/our Shep I requested more sedation, I was hoping she'd be asleep. Instead my son got upset again, that she was so sedated her eyes remained open and her tongue was out of her mouth. This bothered him badly.

The part that is strange to me and I hope you can tell me this is normal - as she was injected with "the dose" her eyes remained open until the syringe was empty and she simply closed her eyes and it was over.

She closed her eyes? Is this normal? Our other dog died with her eyes open?

Of course I fear she just fell asleep. But the Vet said her heart had stopped and it was over.

Is it normal for a dog to close their eyes at death?

Both events I did not watch, I couldn't and both freak me out - of course this is the hardest thing a pet lover can do.

I hope someone can reassure me a pet dying can close their eyes, I have read online all dogs die with their eyes open. My biggest fear would be she fell asleep and didn't die - I only have the hope the vet was correct and that it was truly over.

Horrific - either way - I am heartbroken.

How Will My Other Dog Survive W/o Her Best Friend?

I came here in '08 when my dog Kodiak died. In October '09 out of the blue my 7 year old cat died during the night.

Now, my German Shep is in her final days, I am heart broken.

Ladywolf's post reminds me of me. I walk her and watch her every move, she gets weak quickly and her rear starts to drop down. My life is dedicated to her and I am grieving all the time.

Xena has lived a long life, she is 12, but it is NEVER enough time. She started showing weakness in her hind legs in November. Suddenly a few weeks ago we thought she had a stroke, but it turned out they believe to be "Old dog Vestibular Disease". She has fallen many times, but the spirit of this dog is to win, she gets up and continues on. She eventually declined to not eating. I resigned myself to keep her nourished by syringe feeding her daily. Which helped her begin eating a little on her own. This is a full time job caring for her right now, she can't be alone in case of another fall.

I am not well myself, with a chronic painful disease that stress makes SO much worse. And w/the disease I have, emotions run higher than a healthy person it seems and causes my symptoms of brutal pain to get worse.

Watching her decline is gut wrenching. This dog literally helped me raise my son. She was Danny's-Nanny....really an amazing thing to see. He is now 20 and big enough and strong enough to carry her when needed. I find it ironic she had her way of disciplining him and loving him her whole life and now in heading toward the final days, he takes care of her.

I knew to come here, because everyone here understands the sickening heartache. I have been through so much, too much and the loss of 2 animals in 9 months was mind-blowing and always set me back in treatment physically and took months to get back to where I was in my treatment, which isn't a great place anyway.

I know the day is coming when Xena will likely take her final fall and not be able to get up. I have been blessed to have long talks w/her to tell her how much I love her and how she raised a great son of mine...she really did. I know she is tired, so many medications shoved down her throat, she looks tired.

She has been so protective of me, such a wonderful "body-guard". Sleeping by me since she was a puppy, she never would allow anyone near me she felt was a threat. What will I do without her? She is a gift.

I worry about my last dog. She is a real dogs- dog, so dependent on what the other two did, they guided her and loved her so. When we lost Kodiak, Angel ( the youngest and last) looked for her for months. I can't imagine how she'll live without Xena.

So sad. I think I love my animals too much, if that is possible. I can't ever go through this again and won't get anymore when they are all gone, I can't stand "this part" - the end.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are all holding strong in your sadness.

2 Weeks Later... Reflections Of The Past

Hi,
I just wanted to check in and say it has been nearly 2 weeks since my girl went "home" and I now realize a new chapter of my life has begun.

Life w/her and my other 2 dogs (still surviving) that last 12 years was something wonderful, I now realize she was truly the "life of the party" and the bridge between my other dogs.

She was always barking and wagging that 100lb body and now I see very clearly just how happy she was and how happy she made everyone.

12 years old (born with) severe hip dysplasia, she never allowed her "disability" to stop her.. and although she had to be in pain, you wouldn't know it.

I have had a very painful chronic disease for nearly 3 years which has nearly consumed me at times and now I realize I learned something from her. She never seemed sad or angry or upset that her hips didn't work perfectly, she lived life to the fullest everyday, running (with a hop because she couldn't run normally) and swimming and playing and so vocal and so happy, with a silly constant "smile" - just pure joy.

It is a shame many breeder's and pet stores, animal rescue etc., will put dogs to sleep if they find they have hip dysplaysia, with proper care, they can live happy full, long lives as she proved!

Now w/her gone - it seems so quiet in my home, my dogs look for her and seem depressed, sleeping a lot and now just starting to eat normally again.

I never realized how much sunshine she brought into this home, she was playful like a puppy up until the last days she couldn't walk anymore, she "smiled", she yawned with utter loudness - she was perfect. And even when she couldn't walk, she was joyful, but frustrated and in pain and the horrible decision we had to make.

The first week I think I had a "protective" wall up, feeling really emotionless, crying sometimes..but almost in denial...now week 2 - my heart aches like never before. We all miss her so much. Reality has set in.

I am so happy I can say we gave her an excellent home, the best food, the best care, sleeping in a bed she loved right next to us, never spent a night outdoors ever and never spent a night without us.... she was loved and always will be.

Instead of thinking of this as the end, I must believe it is only the beginning for her, I know she is whole and running and barking, I KNOW that and what is funny, I have found posts here that read "I hope" to see my pet again, etc., I can't imagine "hoping" - rest assured you will.

I wanted to leave you with an interesting site of NDE's (near death experiences of people) who met up with their animals in heaven. Maybe these have been posted before, but if not, I hope they will be of help to you.

I cry because I miss her, but I have never doubted I won't see my pets again...heaven without my pets, well that wouldn't be heaven at all. I tell my surviving dogs, "She is in a beautiful place and she can't come back here, but one day we will go there and we will all live (truly) happily ever after.

Links of interest I have found:
7 stages of grief: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

Click on the names, Jan Price, Lynn to read their NDE's and being reunited with their pets. Notice on the right column, books that may also help:
http://www.near-death.com/animals.html

1 minute "animal communicator" tells that animals have eternal spirits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9lG_iUK_yU

For all of us who mourn, may we be comforted.

God bless,
Dana

My Girl Is In Heaven Reunited...she Sent Me Proof!

Hi everyone,
You have been so kind in helping me the past week w/the stressful decline and ultimate death of my beautiful girl Kodiak.

I must share 2 stories with you, that may help you. I know only a true pet lover could understand and believe what I am about to tell.

Before Kodiak died I told her in the car on the way to the vet to send me pennies once she got to heaven, I told her I would be on the look out for them, my husband and son heard me say it. (The idea came 6 years earlier, I did this w/my cat before he died, that too was amazing, I will tell you in a minute).

After Kodiak died yesterday...
Unbelievably as we left the vet (if you read my other posts, I had screamed and collapsed I am now told at the moment she died my unbelievable grief errupted, I was not watching but about 20 ft away, w/my back turned away. We had it done outside on the grass).

In the car on the way home, I was a mess and began to the search for a Xanax I hoped I had in a pill bottle in my purse - I opened a pill bottle I carry hoping I had a Xanax in there. Shaking, I dumped it out in my hand and found one - thank God.

As I put the pills back into the bottle I was becoming frustrated as I noticed and paid no attention to the fact I couldn't get them back in the bottle. I felt coins in my hand and I wondered why I had coins in my hand angrily I tried to force them in the bottle they wouldn't fit...I looked down and 2 pennies were in my hand. Where did they come from? I swear to you who carries pennies in their pill bottle and the coins would not go in, if they were in there in the first place (which they were not) how did they come out? I doubt any of us have coins in our pill bottle, I KNOW I didn't. I felt this sense of relief...there were 2 pennies, as if they appeared in my hand.

I quickly showed my husband and son we were all crying anyway and now were stunned to silence, as I held out my hand and said "LOOK!" We each tried to get the message behind the 2 pennies...did the 2 pennies mean she was reunited w/ a cat we once had that disappeared she loved SO much? My son said one was shiny and one old - he believe it depictied her life from start to finish w/us. My husbands take was the pennies were meant for our 2 remaining dogs. I thought it meant she was reunited with our darling Kona (cat who disappeared, we surely know had to have died).

Today, I went for a drive to clear my head - it didn't help. When I got home, my husband was standing in the front yard as I got out of the car he was raking leaves. He came running tears in his eyes and said look what was uner the leaf pile - my heart filled w/joy again - he found another penny (at the bottom of a leaf pile!) the year 1997 - the year she was born. The penny was so old and beaten, you could make out the number '97 holding it under a light. I said, "That was meant for YOU" She was VERY close to him and loved him with all her heart. It meant to me she was old in her years, the unusually worn penny - said it all.

Now this story may seem unreal, but I have yet another. The following story inspired me to tell Kodiak to send me pennies when she got to heaven and honestly as I said it to her, I never believed for one second it would happen twice in a lifetime.

Going back 6 years ago - I had to make the choice to put my 3rd (of 4) cats to sleep. I had him 17 years, needless to say I loved him with all my heart. I told him in the car on the way to the vet, "Jinx (his name) send me pennies from heaven when you get there". My husband and son both heard me say it. I was too distraught to go into the vet they met me in the parking lot and took him and his comfy bed, I asked they use it when they put him to sleep.

Now keep in mind - he was the 3rd cat that had died in a few year period - I had one remaining cat at home. When we got home, we pulled up in the driveway, I got out of the car first, I was crying head down and there lay 3 pennies in a row. I picked them up and one of the pennies had a 4th penny stuck to it under it - invisible until I picked them up. I felt joy hit my heart, I knew he was "home". I picked up the pennies went in the house, the vet had a left a message that Jinx had an uneventful peaceful death immediately after we left the vet. The 3 pennies made sense, one for each of my cats that had died, but I wondered for months what the 4th penny meant. Within 6 months my 4th cat vanished (along with 3 other neighbor cats within a few month span) and after searching for months I never found her -and then the 4th penny made sense.

The bitter-sweet ending to this story - as I searched endlessly for months for my lost cat - I found 5 kittens someone had abandon in the bushes behind a grocery store. They were tiny, near death and I took all 5 home fully intending to find them homes. They were quite feral and I realized no one could take care of them the way I could, so I kept them and still have them.

Amazing? Some may think coincendence. Not me. Tonight again out of nowhere there was a penny lying on the hearth of the fireplace, she layed there often in the days before her death. I called my son and husband to look and we actually laughed saying, "That is just like Kodiak, crazy fun and now getting carried away". I wonder if more pennies in odd places await in the coming weeks....if not, I am assured and she has made her point.

My hand on a bible these are true stories (I am a Christian) so I don't take that lightly.

I hope this helps someone.

Much love to all of you and prayers as we deal with the some of the greatest losses we will ever experience, but be assured, we'll see them again.

Dana

I Collapsed During Euthanasia

Kodiak had to be put to sleep today - her other leg started knuckling. 3 weeks ago she was fine and now she is gone.

My 19 yr old son was with her during the "return home". She fought until the end - which makes me sicker, she tried to fight the anesthesia overdose...she was such a fighter, a strong girl, so loving.

I couldn't watch - but I had the most weird experience happen. I swear I could feel the first injection (I wasn't watching) and my heart began palpitating, a few seconds later I just knew it was over. We were outside the vets office - she was on the grassy lawn - and I had this desire to run, run as far as I could. I started walkinging then running toward the entrance to the vet hospital and collapsed on the asphalt and heard someone scream - I didn't realize the scream came from me.

I know the vet or techs have never seen any reaction from a human like this - I warned them ahead of time I didn't know if I would react or be peaceful...the vet said most are peaceful, I wasn't and they probably think I am crazy to love an "animal" so much, that I could have such a reaction.

I sit here now in shock - my son is stunned, my husband is "playing" normal and trying to stay busy, but I know my husband will be hit hard soon as our darling girl followed him everywhere and he loved her so much.

What now? I have 2 more aged dogs - how can I ever do this again? I mean I collapsed.

Has anyone heard of anyone collapsing?

With sadness and sorrow -
Dana
Kodiak' Mom