Our "buddy"

Our dog Buddy passed away on Oct 15th/08. I was his mom. I fed him and took care of him and we became sole mates. I adored him. He was a gorgeous soft coated wheaton with human like eyes and boy oh boy could they communicate to us;especially to me. He got sick suddenly with pancreatitis and then kidney failure and within 40 hrs or so and no improvement we had to let him go. At first I was so brave-he was apparantly in pain so I was glad it was over. There was NO WAY I wanted him to suffer. As soon as it was over, my husband and I could not beleive it. It was surreal. I just cried and cried going thru the feelings that I have heard about. But it is not just the crying that worries me. I am so distraught that I can't imagine how I am going to get thru this. I don't care about anything anymore. I am just going thru the motions of life. He was my baby and now he is gone. I know that I will never be the same person. I lost my sister, my father and my mother which were all so devastating. Losing Buddy if I can be honest is almost worse because he was with me all of the time. I think I loved him too much. So many pet owners treat them as animals. We treated Buddy like a member of the family and maybe I was letting myself in for this big fall. Now I also have this HUGE guilt that maybe I should have done something to make him well again. I would have done anything even mortgaged my house if I could have to have him with us. I just don't know what to do.