I Miss You Tiny Dancer

A week ago Saturday I put my gorgeous 9 year old bichon/shih-tzu, Babette, to rest. I still go round and round in my head as to whether we made the right decision. It is all so shocking and unreal. One day she appeared healthy and full of life, the next she was listless, with barely enough energy to get out of her bed and go downstairs. Although money was tight, we dipped into emergency savings and took her to the nearest state-of-the-art hospital for testing. To sum up, they were unable to determine what the cause was, but her platelets were virtually non-existent, low white blood cell count, high fever untouched by intravenous antibiotics and steroids. After a week, we brought her home for one last night with us and our 2 other dogs (ages 10 & 14). I'm still so confused by the whole ordeal. No clear answers, but speculation was it was an auto-immune disorder and some kind of mysterious infection.

It was heartbreaking to see her so weak and disoriented. She had always been an extraordinary athlete for such a little princess. Her passing was peaceful but surreal.

I want to honor her memory here. I've been disappointed by some of the cavalier attitudes of people towards this sudden loss. Babette was my constant companion. We had an amazing connection. She was my muse and my joy. I thought I'd have at least 5 more years and would sometimes brace myself that 5 years wasn't going to be long enough. I NEVER imagined we'd lose her this early. For the past week, I've been in a state of shock. Each day the reality of her not being here hits me a little more. The tears come fast and furious when I least expect them. The mornings, mealtime for the other 2 dogs and coming home are the hardest parts of each day. Her favorite toy - a mallard duck sits on my nightstand and still smells of her sweet breath.

*Beautiful girl, stunning athlete, brilliant comedian you will live forever in my heart. Your joie de vie and your devoted unconditional love will always inspire me. I will do my best to honor your memory by living my life with an open and generous heart. I am blessed to have known you. For reasons unknown to me, you have been called to another purpose. Go in peace precious angel.*