We Lost Tony

I am so sad. We were away for a week. We came home Tuesday night and Tony was fine. He was very happy to see us. All day Wednesday he was close by, purring because we were home. But on Thursday morning he was missing. He is always around in the morning waiting for us to get up so we knew something was wrong. I found him under the stairs. When I persuaded him to come out his back leg was dragging.

I rushed him to the vets and the vet recommended putting him to sleep.

I am heart broken. I had my girls with me (8 & 11). I called them in to the exam room to say goodbye and they both burst out crying. It was so hard. I couldn't stay to see Tony put down. I have read about a lot of you staying for the injection but I couldn't watch him die.

I am filled with guilt. Tony was 7 years old when we adopted him from the SPCA. We have only had him with us for two and a half years. I thought we'd have him for years and years. It is such a shock. I have searched through all our pictures and realised that except for when we first brought him home we only have a couple of pictures. I guess I thought he'd be here for a long time and now I am so sad that he is gone.

For the first few days I tried to be strong for the girls but now they seem to be doing much better but I don't seem to be managing very well. I keep crying and I am having trouble sleeping.

I had a special bond with Tony. He chose me when we met at the SPCA. I had met about 50 cats over several weekends, but when Tony saw me he came over and started purring. I felt like he picked me. He always favoured me at home. I was the only person he would sit on. He loved the girls too but would never settle on their laps. He loved being near me and now I feel so terrible that I pushed him away sometimes. Even on Tuesday night when he wanted to sit with me I pushed him off because his claws were really sharp. I trimmed them the next morning and spent some time with him. But if only I had know that it was my last day with him...

When will it feel better???

Thanks for listening.

Ali.