My Wonderful Jesse

Hi everyone,

Today has been 3 months since I lost my beautiful cat Jesse. I have been coming to this forum since then and even though I have never posted I have found your kind words to others in my heart. I have tried to post several times and would cry so hard that I couldn't finish. I loved my cat so much. I had him for 9 1/2 years, and he was so wonderful. The day I lost him you see was my fault and oh the pain and guilt I felt. It was Labor day, and the breeze was blowing and it was warm outside. The perfect kind of day that I could see My Jesse on our front porch just lounging (which he was good at, ha). I was leaving for work and since Jesse had been out that night, my first thought was to call him so he could come inside. When all of a sudden I felt a warm breeze and said, oh I'm not going to call him, I know he is out enjoying this weather (saying that with a smile on my face, thinking about him). Well, I go to start my car, and to this day I will never understand what he was doing laying inside the motor area in the summer (b/c I always tapped the brakes in the winter, knowing they get there to get out of the cold). But anyway, I'm sure you can figure out the rest of the story w/o me going over the details.

There is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of My sweet Jesse and miss him. He was so beautiful, and a faithful companion. Only a week ago I could start eating cereal without crying. I always shared my cereal and milk with him. He would sit at my feet waiting, and if I would take too long to finish my part he would start taking his big paws and try to reach the bowl. Then the other day, I was decorating for Christmas when I opened up a box and on the top was Jesse's stocking. It just didn't feel right not hanging it, but I know that he will have a wonderful Christmas in Heaven.

Sorry this is so long. The guilt is still there and everyday I tell my baby how sorry I am and that mama would have never meant to hurt him. I'm sorry Jesse......
Mama loves you!

Sandy

PS...Thank you Denise! This is a GREAT forum. The support I have received here (not knowing to anyone b/c I never posted) is unmeasurable. Thanks again.