I Keep Dreaming About Samantha

First, I'm glad I found you all, and my sincerest shared condolences to all who are going through these losses.
My 15 1/2 year old Siamese kitty Samantha had to be helped to the Bridge on June 14. I'd like to give a little background about her, if you would indulge me. On Valentines Day 1989, I brought a 3 month old Siamese kitty home in a box! Delightful little girl. That summer, a scruffy orange and white tom of undetermined age just showed up at my house, fell in love with Samantha, who loved to sit by an open screened window and stayed. With care, orange Buddy grew into a fine solid chunk, one of the smartest, friendliest cats I've ever had, and he and Samantha adored each other, invented all sorts of games together. They were together 11 years, during that time came along cheerfully on a 2000 mile cross country move. Five years ago, brave Buddy's health started to go down hill, he had the best vet care and Samantha's tender licks and loving, but after a year of trying everything we had to let him go. He slept away comfortably, purring while I was combing him, one of his favorite things. Samantha grieved terribly, howled, looked for him, and never quite got back to her bouncy self. Then about a year and a half ago, we discovered she was hyperthyroid, got her on the meds and she did ok for a geriatric kitty, blood work ok etc. She was always a light eater, and manys the time I stood in the aisle of Petco, wondering "What will Samantha eat this week?" But she settled on fancy feast, and for a while did well, sleeping a lot, but enjoying lots of cuddling and sunshine.
June 8 she suddenly developed a discharge from her eye, and I got her right into the vet, because she always had had clear, clean eyes, and this was so unusual for her. Long story short, vet put in drops to dialate it, thought it was a blocked tear duct and gave me drops for it. After a couple days, she suddenly went down hill, wouldn't eat or drink, and I tried to get food and water into her with an eye dropper, and she had terrible diarrhea. Right back to the vet, on IV's for dehydration, intensive care, the works, but continued to go down hill. I visited her, the vet had a very cute visiting room with a couch etc, but Samantha was still in such discomfort that she didn't even know me. It was like her sweet soul had already left, and her poor body hadn't caught up, so I let her go on to join Buddy while in my arms. I don't have to tell you all about the tears and the misery and lonliness - you know it all too well. The worst was thinking that maybe if I had just treated her eye myself with warm compresses etc, it wouldn't have put her going down that slippery slope, and maybe she would still be here.
But I'm having such a hard time with the dreams, just those flashing images.....At first it was seeing her as she was when she went away. Then, I kept dreaming that she was going into the kitchen to eat, just turning the corner to her dishes. A couple nights ago I dreamed she was at a bowl with just a little dry crusted food in it, and she was trying to scrape it out to eat it, scared me so I wanted to rush to put fresh food out, and was half out of bed before I remembered..... She always had plenty of food and water - changed two or three times a day, if she hadn't eaten it I discarded the old and put in fresh-she never lacked for food. Last night I dreamed I was trying to catch her to give her her thyroid pill, and she was hiding under a rocker, like she often did. Getting so I hate to go to sleep. I could handle it if I was dreaming about her cuddling, or the cute things she did, but this kind of dream is so rough. Sorry to be so long, and thanks for listening.