Bear

This is my precious Bear who went to the bridge on June 12, 2004.

A Good Bye To Bear

My sweet Bear, today has been worse than yesterday. At least yesterday I could cry when I needed to. Today, at work, I am fighting to stay in control. At times the pain is great, almost choking me to the point that I have to tell myself to breathe. I don’t know if I did the right things for you. I don’t know if trying to force food and water into you helped you or ended up hurting you. I can’t help but wonder if I had left you lying where you were instead of moving you to a spot more comfortable for me to try to tend to you, would the outcome have been different. I hate not knowing what made you so sick that you just wanted to give up instead of fighting to live. I would have fought to keep you alive until I took my dying breath. I can’t help but wonder if the sickness that took you and your dad will also take your babies at a point not too far down the road. My faith is shaken and I’m not sure I can ever retrieve the feelings I once had. I don’t understand how a higher power who is supposed to be kind and merciful can just take life away from beautiful, loving animals whose only desires in life were to please those who loved them. I wanted to bury you by your father, but it was not possible. I hate it that your grave is surrounded by only mesquites, but I am going to plant a weeping willow beside you so that you will have shade. You loved lying under the willow tree. Niblet misses you. I watch him walking the length of the fence looking for his dad. He knows something isn’t right, but doesn’t seem sure what it is. Baby, having gotten used to having her son in the yard with her, seems to wander a lot too. She is very old and I think she will be joining you one day in the not too far future. I just want you to know, Bear, that your family (human and doggie) loved you so much and miss you desperately.

1996 - June 12, 2004