I Wish I Had A Second Chance

My beloved 14 year old cat Samson is at the hospital dying from diabetes. I found him 13 years ago living under a bush outside my apartment. I took him in and ever since he's been my best friend. He follows me from room to room, sleeps on my head, runs to greet me when I come home. There is a very strong, special bond between us and he's been there for me through a lot of very difficult years. I can't imagine my life without him.

Last November I brought a new baby home. I tried my best to give Samson the same amount of attention as before, but with a new baby who didn't sleep through the night, who picked up colds and viruses at daycare and my having to work fullltime on top of it all, I just couldn't do it. I didn't love my furbaby one bit less, only my time was more limited, not my love. But of course he didn't understand this. I could see it in his eyes, that he thought he had been replaced. Soon after my son came home, Samson was diagnosed with diabetes. I tried my best to give him the care he needed, but I think he was depressed and stressed. I knew him well enough to see it. He went downhill very rapidly, even though the vet had said with proper insulin and diet, he could live for years. I think he lost the will to live and it's my fault. I really tried to keep giving him the attention I had before, but I couldn't. I was sleep deprived and trying to adjust to big changes myself. I am a single mom with a baby who is completely dependent on me. I love Samson as much as ever, but I had too many other demands being made on me and he wasn't the center of attention anymore. I could see the change it was making on him. I tried to pay attention to him at night, after my son was sleeping, but it wasn't the same as before and I don't think it was enough. I could just see it in how he looked at me.

He's at the vet hooked up to IVs and the vet says he just isn't fighting to live. I think he thinks he isn't wanted or needed anymore. I am praying for a miracle so I can have even a little more time with him to show him how much I still love him. I want him to die knowing he is loved and treasured, not feeling unwanted. Even if I only had him for a few more weeks, I would do everything to make it up to him. I can't stand the thought that he is sitting in a cage thinking he was replaced by my son and I didn't need him. I adore this cat and will never forget the love and friendship and devotion he gave me and I feel I let him down. He will have to be euthanized in the next day or two unless there is some drastic improvement.