Almost A Week Since I Lost My Babies.....

A week tomorrow since my baby Katie left on her journey and took Gizzy with her. I feel so separated from everyone and everything. We have a beautiful Siberian Husky (Dixie) that wants to get into bed with me and wants me to love her. I do love her, but I can't seem to make my heart love her like I do the others. I miss Katie so much. I just want my life back with my babies. When I pull into the driveway, I automatically look in the front window to see if Gizzy is sitting there waiting for me. I come into the house and expect Katie to be lying there waiting for her hug and kiss. I just feel empty. I am supposed to go pick Katie up from the vet tomorrow, and I don't know if I can stand knowing that all she is now is a few ashes contained within that small box. She was larger than life, and Gizzy was on me constantly at night. Now I no longer feel that soft hair rubbing against my face. I can no longer bury my face into Katie's sleek black coat. I am miserable, and I don't know how to help myself feel better. Gizzy's mom is pregnant again with her last litter, and I don't even want to be around when they are born. I'm really trying to love the others as much as I do them, but it's just not happening. The silence here is deafening. I know I am jumping from one subject to another, but I am just saying what is in my heart.


Katie & Gizzy
ALWAYS LOVED, NEVER FORGOTTEN

Finally My Baby Gizzy

I feel so empty. Losing both Katie and Gizzy have simply deadened my emotions. Saturday, I cried so much I was sick, and now, I feel like a zombie. I miss them so much.... My poor sweet babies...Gizzy never stood a chance against the SUV that hit her, and I feel guilty because I didn't chase her down and put her back into the house. I was so upset and preoccupied with Katie, I just didn't do it. Now, she's gone too. I just want my babies back.

My Katie Girl Has Crossed The Rainbow Bridge

She is free to run like the wind, all pain gone now. But she didn't go alone... Our feline baby Gizmo, (Gizzy) was hit by a car early this afternoon, just as we were returning from the vet. She was already gone by the time I picked her up. She has went out the door on us as we left around noon. Hubby tried to get her to come back in, but she wouldn't. I guess she had a case of cabin fever also. So not only did I lose my precious baby Katie, I also lost my beloved Gizzy. Today has to be the day from hell. I just cannot get a grip on all this. Just wanted to share, and I hope and pray that no else goes through anything like this. I've attached a pic so you can see how precious she was. I am simply numbed.

How Am I Going To Do This?

I have been up all night just hold and cuddling my baby,Kate. My heart feels as though it's going to burst. There are so many things I want to thank her for, and any of the words I use seem so inadequate. My daughter thinks I'm crazy, my husband is the solid rock against which I am leaning, and I don't know what my baby is thinking. She seems a little distant. Have I misinterpreted the signals? She doesn't even lick my hand, just rests her head in my lap, or on my leg. How am I going to let her go????
Dear God,
Please love and cherish my Katie in Heaven as much as I have here on this earth. I promise she is an amazing creature that you created for me. When no one else cared, she did, when all the hurts and failures crashed down on me, she was there to pick me back up, when I thought there was no more love or laughter in this world, she helped me to see, when I was sick, she comforted me, so you see God, she is so very precious to me. Please, please love her, and treat her as gentle as I have. She has never been mistreated, and I can't bear the thought of someone not giving her the respect she deserves. God, help me tomorrow to be able to handle what must be done. Let me remember that this is not about me, or what I want, but what is best for my Katiegirl.
When she crosses the Rainbow Bridge, I hope you have some cattle she can herd, and some birds that need chasing away from your mansion. She hasn't been able to run for quite a while now, and I pray that a new set of legs and hips is the first thing you reward her with. Please always remind her of me, and how very much I love her. I will always love her, forever and a day. She loves beer cheese and Werther's Originals, and I want her to have all she eat of her favorite foods.
I am placing her into your keeping just for a little while, until I can get there too.
Keep her safe, warm, and loved, for there is no other like her. She is a true lady.
I hope you can show her where Mom is and all the rest of my family, so she won't be so lonely. I know I am rambling, but the pain is almost unbearable. Please, I am begging you, to just let her know why I had to do this for her. I am so afraid she won't understand. Let me have the strength to endure tomorrow, for Katie.

Counting The Days......

On Saturday, March 10,2007, I will pet her sleek black head for the last time. Katie,my beloved border collie, is going to make the journey across the Rainbow Bridge. She no longer is able to get up and go potty when she needs to, she can't take part in any activities, all she does is lay and look at me with those soulful eyes. I know she is miserable, and I also know this is the final act of love I can give her. All this my brain knows, but my heart..... Katie is 15 years old now, but still a beautiful lady. She is amazingly intelligent. Six years ago, Katie blew a disc and my vet wasn't even sure she would ever walk again. He didn't know how much of a team Katie and I were. Every day, I excerised her legs, held her up to walk, and after 3 weeks,she was walking on her own. Through the years, her gait has become more unsteady, now her back legs are pretty much useless. Most times, she gets up only to fall. I have seen her hit her head from her falls, drink her own urine because she can't make it outside to go. I don't want my precious baby to have to live like this. Making the phone call to the vet was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Now it keeps repeating in my head that she only has 3 more days to live! It is simply killing me. I lost my mother in 2006, and Katie never left my side. In 2002, I lost my husband to cancer, and it was just me and Katie for months. I could go on and on about the love between she and I, but the words are so jumbled right now. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, and the tears are a never ending flow. I would gladly take her place if I could. I just want the peace of knowing I am doing the right thing. What if, afterwards, I feel so guilty? Like I killed her or something? Am I going to regret for the rest of my life, the decision to give her back her dignity and set her free?