What Should I Do?

Hi everyone,

I am trying to comfort myself, because my sweetheart, Oreo, ALWAYS worked SO hard to comfort me, even when she herself didnt feel good (my precious angel!!!!!! i miss her SO......;'( ;'( ;'( ;'(.......................................i want to HONOR her, the love, devotion, and comfort we gave each other, and our neverending love bond!!!!!!!!!

I have alot of health problems, chronic pain, and anxiety disorders.................i have been really missing the actual physical comfort Oreo gave me so unconditionally and selflessly, as well as the stress relief and peace................she also reduced my physical pain!! (my best friend, how i love and miss her!!! ;'( ;'( ;'( ;'( She was not only my BEST friend, but my ONLY friend, as well, because i'm not able to "get out" and socialize really right now or work because my treatment for my illnesses is so intense...................

I went with my mom to the humane society yesterday, just because i wanted to be around some animals again AND i wanted to give some love to homeless furbabies there...............also i thought it might comfort me a bit (in keeping with my honoring/loving Oreo by trying to allow myself to feel comfort)

I went to look at the dogs, and 2 of them touched my heart..........a 5 yr. old english ##er spaniel who is a stray...........and an 8 yr. old australian shepherd whose "family" didnt care for an ear infection, and he lost his one ear and is dumped at the shelter now........................;'( they both were kissing me, and loving on me alot...........so gentle and sweet (of course not AS as my baby girl, Oreo, but..............................................

I just hate to see suffering in animals.........my mom loves them too, so today i think the whole family is gonna go look at them together.........................

I am terribly conflicted though............... I am still reallyyyyyyyy grieving my Oreo ;'( ;'(......................but it's been 17 years since i havent had a furbaby in the house.............we got our precious bunny when i was in like 8th grade, and Oreo a year before Baby went to heaven.

i promised my babies, Oreo and Baby, that i would NEVER get another bunny or guinea piggie-to honor my LOVE for them and THEIRS for me!!!!!!!! *sigh* but, ive never had a dog.............i just dont know what to do...............................

Oreo went to heaven on Oct. 13............................would having a dog or dogs help me to cope a TINY bit better with my grieving?? is it too soon????? am i being DISLOYAL or HURTING my best friend and soulmate and sweetheart, Oreo, by even CONSIDERING this??????? ;'( ;/ ;/ OF COURSE, NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! will EVER "replace" my Oreo baby girl or my Baby little boy- THAT IS JUST A GIVEN...........................

what does everyone think???? thanks for ANY insight you can give me.......................

I Can't Go On

Oct. 13 I lost my best friend, baby, comfort, strength, support, the reason I got up every morning......

My hands are shaking typing this

Oreo......my sweet precious guinea piggie, 7 years old

I can't sleep..........i wildly move between grief stages literally second to second

i am exhausted but cant sleep......i hate life without my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i get panic attacks when i think about her so my brain avoids thinking about her alot to protect me from a nervous breakdown - or so my dad tells me - but i feel GUILTY for this, but its like my brain is overriding my will ;'( but in a way i am ALWAYS thinking about her if this makes sense

lately i feel NUMB alot and almost INDIFFERENT/no feeling at ALL when i think about her and i am TORTURED by this ;'( ;'( is this just sleep deprivation and my brain going into "survival instinct" mode again to protect me????? ;'( ;'( ;'( i feel terrible and guilty for this and it panics me

i am ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and scared and frustrated and i really dont want to go on

i dont want to face it, or accept, or deal, or feel better, i just want my baby back

my family is insensitive to my feelings, they keep telling me to remember the good memories and that she is happy and in heaven (which technically in the back of my brain i know) and i need to move on and get over it and that i should be grateful for all the time we had together and that she isnt suffering anymore..........they say im being selfish, crazy, overreacting, and keep threatening to "take me to the ER and put me in the psych ward" ........;'( all of this is stressing me MORE

as i write this, i keep saying in my head "no, baby, no! dont leave me!" and i keep telling her i love her over and over again...............................then my brain panics and diverts or something!!!!!!!!

she feels SOO far away and im terrified

sometimes i cant remember our last moment together - i held her- like i cant see the look in her eye she gave me and i PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;'( im terrified its going to fade away from my mind's eye..............do you think this is just a result of sleep deprivation and trauma ???????? ;'( ;/ ;/ ;/ ;/ ;/ ;/ ;/

it happened so unexpectedly and fast ;'( ;'(

thank you for listening........im sorry if im too "intense" or anything, i just cant believe it still...........i want to just go to heaven to be with her................i hate this, i dont WANT to deal or face it ...................im terrified, exhausted, and i cant stand being around my insensitive family..............................i dont think i can go on, i just want to go to sleep and never wake up

I love my baby