I Miss Betsy So Much

My best friend in the whole world died at 6:15MST on 8-21-2006. Betsy was a wheaten terrier -13yr. 2 months when she died. I came home Monday from a half day at work and she was doing great. We played for awhile then hung out until around 2:30. I went downstairs then she came down around 4:30 with an enlarged belly. She barely made it down to my room (God bless her, but she wanted to see me). I quickly rushed her to the hospital and was told she had to have surgery to have her stomach turned. It was cutting off her artery to her heart as well. I decided to have the surgery but waited too long. I wanted to have my mom and dad come down before I did it and I blame myself for waiting longer. She died at 6:13 MST. My problem is that I keep telling myself that if I had not waited for an hour or so she would have made it. I don't know whether she would have survived but what was I thinking. I feel absolutely terrible about what I could not do. I loved her more than life itself and when the time came to make a decision I hesitated. The doctor gave her a 50/50 chance but because of her age, it was real risky. I decided to have him do it but she never made it to the operation. Five minutes before going into surgery I got to give her a great big hug. Her heart rate shot up from 150 or so to 225 when she saw me and I hugged her. I buried her that night in my backyard in her favorite part of the lawn. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I laid next to her for an hour before hand. I surrounded her grave with 4 large rocks and placed roses on her grave. Her favorite treat was an oatmeal cookie which I placed on top. I also spelled her name out with rocks. The happened so sudden and I am crying every half an hour or so. I can't stop. I keep thinking about her and the mistake I made. I really feel like I caused her death by waiting to long.

I know she will be in Heaven and I will see her again but I feel very bad for what I did not do. What have I done is all that goes through my head. Words cannot even begin to say how much I loved her. She was the greatest.