It's Been 3 Weeks Since I Lost My Baby

Hi Everyone,

Three weeks ago, I had to put my one year old kitty down to sleep. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and it devastated me.

We got Pugsley last summer from a local farm. He was the cutest kitten, and we fell in love with him instantly. We have an older cat, Uncle Fester, who also fell in love with him right away. They became inseperable and were constantly together.

Around July 4, we noticed that Pugsley was not acting like himself. He would not come when I got the treats out, and was not as playful as normal. A couple days later, we noticed he was walking funny, and having a hard time eating. We took him into the vet where he gave him a shot for pain and took some blood. The next day we found out that he had Feline Leukemia. We were shocked and heartbroken. The vet put him on a steriod that seemed to help with his walking. He was still not 100%, but he was with us and that is all that mattered. A couple weeks later, we noticed that he was having a hard time breathing. We could hear him wheeze and he slept all of the time. We took him back to the vet and discovered that he had a tumor in his chest, and it was likely lymphoma. At that time, we made the decision to put him down. We spent the weekend with him, and cuddled him and loved him. I don't think I have ever cried so much. It was so hard the day we put him down, and I will never forget it. The way he was looking at me, he didn't understand why this was happening. I felt so awful, he trusted me and I felt like I betrayed that. I know I did the right thing, but I can't help but feel the guilt from the decision that was made.

He is buried in the backyard...and it is so hard for me to even look out there. I can't believe he is gone...Fester misses him so much and we cry every day. Does it get easier? It just seems so unfair, he was so young and such a good cat, he didn't deserve this. He was so well behaved, and so trusting and loving. I still can't believe that he won't be running to the door when I get home.

My heart just aches...I know someday we will get another kitty, but for now I feel like I would be betraying him if I got another. I am lost without him.

Thank you for listening, I know my post is long, but this seemed like a good place to let it all out.