The Worst Decision I Ever Had To Make

On July 31st, 2006 at about 1:00am I finally had to make the worst decision of my life. I had to finally say good-bye to my companion of almost 20 years, the most beautiful girl in the world, my feline friend, Alley. It hasn't even been a week and it seems so long in some respect. It seems like forever since I was able to hold her, it seems like forever ago that I gave her a kiss. The tears and sorrow haven't stopped and it seems unbearable. For the last two months I have been trying to get back the Alley that once was. She was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in June, but she seemed fine. Then suddenly she stopped eating, stopped drinking, stopped greeting me when I came home. All the medications began, the pills twice a day, the sub-q fluids every day, the force feeding two to three times a day. I was determined to get her back to where she had been not to long ago. Her vet started talking about when to "say good-bye". But I thought "no, I can't. She's made it through everything else, she'll make it through this too." She didn't. Sunday morning I found her in the litter box, with one of her back legs stuck over the edge, unable to move. My heart sank. Later that day I picked her up to spend some cuddle time with her (because most of our time was being spent with force feeding, and medicating) I picked her up and she growled at me, which she never does. I saw her back leg, and it was so swollen, I thought she was somehow broke it. So we rushed over to the Emergency Clinic, in the bottom of my heart I knew we weren't coming back together. To make a long story kind of short, the vet discovered her abdomen full of fluid and aspirated a large amount. I still don't know if I did the right thing, I keep thinking I should have done more, or maybe I waited too long. It broke my heart that night, but I held her while she died and I told her that mamma was sorry and that I loved her so much and she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Thanks for letting me go on, it just hurts so much.