Milton

I lost my cat Milton last week and I've been in a black hole of grief. My friend suggested this site. Milton was a Burmese who was to turn 3 in July. Milton acted like a dog (and I know this statement often'offends' cat lovers...)he ran to the door when the doorbell rang. If a new person came over, he had to sit on them. He socialized at parties. He fetched, listened to commands. He turned cat-haters hearts. He was such a part of my life. He followed me room to room. He loved to cuddle. I dread going home beacuse I know he won't be there to meet me. Milton fell off our rooftop deck--I think he may have been chasing a bird or bug. He survived the fall and we got him to the vet but his lung collapsed and wasn't able to make it. I'm 31 years old and this has been the first loss of a loved one that was close to me and I was so unprepared...
I am in physically in pain. My heart is broken. I keep reliving the event and thinking--what if I wouldn't have watered the garden--he would still be here. I carried him upstairs after the fall and placed him on the sofa while I called the hospital. I was petting him and kissing him and the look he was giving me--he was so scared and his eyes were pleading with me. I can't get the look he gave me out of my mind. The next 2 hours were rushing to the hospital and with the doctors. He died during cpr. I didn't even get to spend his last moment with him. I just hopes he know we were there...I'm going to hold a little memorial when we get his remains back.
I almost feel guilty admitting this--but I want a new cat--now. Not as a replacement, just to fill the void of a house with no pets. I dunno if its too so or what