Stages Of Grief

Hello all,

I lost my best friend Sweet Pea, a macaw, who I had since she was a baby for 18 years. She died on Aug. 29th. It all happened fairly suddenly, over the course of a month. She became ill, was diagnosed with bacteria and was given antibiotics. I thought she would heal but she got weaker and weaker. I brought her to the best avian vet in NY who was wonderful and tried frantically to figure out what was wrong, but since birds are so fragile, there are only so many diagnostics they can do without harming the bird. I lost 10lbs that last week from worry and stress. I was physically ill. The vet said the tests seemed to indicate she had a tumor yet no one knew for sure.

I woke up on the morning of the 29th at 5am suddenly thinking I needed to check on her. She was lying in her bin on the floor and she was gone. She was still warm.

The grief is unexplainable. I have never lost a pet before and never have experienced such excruciating grief. The first few days were a fog. After that I began to feel guilt. Did I neglect her? Did I cause her death? No, I loved her and took care of her like she was my child. Yet, the guilt was there. I read up on grief and saw that it was part of the process.

I'm now in the anger phase. I'm angry at my friends who say, "Let me know if there's anything I can do" and don't call as if I have a plague. Luckily I have two close friends who have lost pets who have been wonderfully supportive and check on me often. I understand that people who haven't experienced this can't relate, but I can't help being angry at them.

I want to tell them off. I want to tell them to stop telling me I'll get another bird and I'll be fine. I don't want another bird! This whole experience has been a real eye-opener for me. I know eventually I'll hear from those friends and at this point I have no qualms in telling them "You really know who your friends are when the chips are down" and just drop them as friends.

Has anyone else experienced this anger?

Thanks for listening,
Lan