Goodbye Max

This website is new to me so I spent some time reading the topics and responses and have found it to be immensely helpful. On Sat. morning my rescued orange-tabby best friend Max went outside for a few minutes while I finished a chore. He apparently went down my long , 90 ft., driveway to inspect a rabbit that had been hit by a car. I called his name and looked toward the road, and to my horror, there he was sprawled at the foot of my driveway. Some inhuman sound came out of me as I stumbled toward him thinking maybe he's stunned or unconscious...no, he had been partically crushed. For 9 years he never left my side, even when I was bedridden after cancer surgery for a month...fiercely loyal, sleep on my chest, sound revielle in my ear at 5AM and the largest vocabulary I've ever heard. The trills and chirps, whails of where are you and deep rumbling purrings were astonishing to hear. I think he knew me better than I know myself. But he's gone and I am in a deep, deep hole of agonizing guilt. If I had only done one thing or another he'd still be here and I could wake from this. My wife,son and I buried my friend Sat. morning and part of me went with him; I could not bear to say goodbye as I knelt on his fresh grave and bawled like a baby. The sadness is overpowering.