Puddin .... Our Little Man! Options

[PuddinsMum]

I am a new member to this forum and I just want to say THANKYOU for it being here! I lost my Puddin Saturday morning and spent the whole of Saturday night on here, reading all your beautiful words and poems. I cannot tell you how much that helped me ... just by knowing, I am not on my own and there are others that feel the exact same way I do. I appreciate it so much! I don't know what I would've done without your wisdoms!

Puddin' was our 'darling' that we rescued from the Humane Society - I will never forget our first meeting. I was looking through all the cages, opening the doors and loving each cat individually .... when I came upon, Puddin .... I opened the door to introduce myself, when he got up on his hind legs and put each of his paws on my shoulders, kind of like grabbing and hugging me ... that was it, that was my boy after that! I can remember thinking how beautiful he was and I just couldn't believe that someone would abandon him! He was still a kitten at that time but you could tell by the size of his paws and nose that he was going to be BIG!

Everyone that came to our house was scared of him (makes me smile to think that) .... but after a visit or two, they would see what a beautiful and gentle creature he was. No one could believe how big he was too .... but if you saw how much he ate ... you would believe it We 'tried' to make him an indoor cat ... but everytime the kids would leave the door open, he was GONE ..... I spent the most of one summer, running after him .... in the end, I gave up, he knew what he wanted and no one was going to stop him! He was the dominant cat of the neighbourhood, he would lay on the roofs of our cars, assessing and watching what was going on ... if there was a fight, Puddin was normally in it! He would protect our other baby girl "Angel" who would give him a 'lick' of thanks when he would come back in the house. He was such a 'toughy' outside but in our home, he was the gentlest cat ever. When my daughter was 3, she would sometimes pull at his hair or mess with him, he would just sit there and not do a thing.. I would say for him to move but he was so patient, so loving and so beautiful. When his food bowl was empty, he would rub his big body around your legs so you couldn't walk! If he was hungry in the middle of the night, he would go and bite my youngest daughter on her cheek to wake her up, she only told me this Saturday, when she asked me "Why did Puddin use to bite my cheek in the night?", it made me smile, he was such a character! I knew what he was doing .... he would do the same thing to my 10 yr old daughter too! Pudding loved a lovin' .... so much that he would dribble puddles all over you! Then get so excited, and nip you

Last Thursday, he came in from outside and didn't go to his food bowl ... I KNEW something was wrong. That just wasn't Pud Pud. I had to go help a friend, so I left the house for a couple of hours. Upon my return, I found Pud Pud on my bedroom floor panting ... he was walking from room to room and seemed like he couldnt relax. I phoned my Mum in the UK and told her what was happening and she said, if he is panting, that normally means he is in pain! Not my Pud! I phoned the vets straight away and my hubby came home from work. We got to the vets and they told us he had a blocked uretha, if he didnt have the op/catheter, he would die. They said it was quite common in male cats. A male cat came in with the same problem at the time we were there. He would probably be coming out Friday or Saturday. I left thinking he is safe now, our baby will be home soon. I went back to see him in the afternoon and he just didn't look good at all, just laying there with no life in his eyes. The other cat, was up and trying to get his neck collar off. This scared me. I thought it was common and not serious. Friday night, I spent the night on the Internet researching FLUTD - Blocked Urethra and found that it is very serious.

Saturday morning, we had to make the very painful decision of euthanasia, Puddins muscles was not doing what they should be doing and he could no longer go to the bathroom by himself. I have so much guilt it is painful, I cannot believe I missed the signs that were there! If I would have caught this earlier, Puddin would still be here. Now, I am an expert on it .... and would definitely know the signs but up until Puddin became sick, I had never heard of this in cats? I am no longer feeding Angel dried commercial cat food and am loving her as much as I can. I know she misses her little boy Pud (Angel is 12 years old and Puddin was 4). I am also having problems with my Yorkie, Tootsie, she knew Puddin was sick the morning I took him to the vets and now she sits on her Doggy Couch looking out the window looking for him ... I am not sure what I can do to help her .... apart from hugs n cuddles!

I apologise if my writing is 'all over the place' ... my mind is not 100% right now. I thankyou all for being here, I cannot tell you what a lovely site this is. It is very hard to talk about your love of a pet with many people ... because it seems, they 'just don't get it' ..... My life has been enriched by Puddin's love and I will never forget him. He was one our babies and always will be .... I love you so much Pud Pud! There willl never be another one like you - irreplacable!

Love n Hugz to all!

Jayne, Tootsie & Angel.

[PuddinsMum]

Hi AbbysMommy,

I am so sorry to hear about your baby Abby,bless her little heart, she was TOO cute ... she looked like she was a little rascal, a cheeky little face with eager eyes! Enough to bring a smile to my face! How blessed we were Abbysmommy ... look what these beautiful little animals have done to us .... the impact it has brought on us by losing them! It is only in Puddins passing, that I have truly realised how much I loved him ... I loved him before ... but I just didn't realise it was going to be like this. I don't think we even realise we take things for granted until we get that wake up call .... another guilt trip of mine.

Thankyou so much for your soothing words. It sounds like you are going through your own guilt too .... I know it is 'normal' with bereavement, but it is SO painful. I too am angry with my vet and do not want to take my other two animals there again ... but I know the pain is very raw still, so I'm going to give it time to see how I feel then. When you take your baby to the vet, it gives you the security of knowing that they are in the 'safest place possible' and when things don't go the way they SHOULD go, it takes alot out of you. I never once dreamed that Puddin wouldn;t be coming home, as I know you didn't Abby either. It is SO hard, impossible to describe that void, impossible to describe that love, impossible to describe the emptiness. The love that is shared between your pet and yourself, is so personal ... we really don't look at our animals like animals .. they are really our babies.

We once had a stray cat come to our home that was injured ... every day hubby would leave, I would bring him in and lay him on a blanket .... I named him Tigger. I eventually, got around hubby to take him to the vet (I think he had been bitten on his tail and it had become infected) and he became part of our family. He was fine for the first few months, then he would hide under the Christmas tree and 'attack' feet as they walked past, I didnt think nothing of it, just thought he way playing .... then, we had friends stay one night, and she woke me up saying the cat was attacking them in their sleep .... then he attacked my daughter during the night, leaving a deep scratch and drawing blood. It was then that I realised that I couldn't make him into a family cat, he was, as the song goes ... 'born to be wild'. Tigger and the barn cats LOVE the outside and do not like the RULES that apply in our homes. I bet they have so much fun with all that space and all those MICE!!!

Don't be too hard on yourself about the vet AbbysMommy, you did not know .... just like me, I did not know either ... if we had've known, we would've done everything in our power to make our babies better .... and Abby and Puddin both know that ... they are with us, their paws prints are all over our hearts (and minds!)

Thankyou AbbysMom, for taking the time to reply to my letter. I truly appreciate it!

Jayne
PuddinsMum

[Kathleen032]

Dear Jayne,

Puddin sounds like such a special kitty. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know how quickly things can go from bad to worse with a blocked urethra. I used to have a kitty who had the same problem. She was female, and females don't "plug up" as quickly as males. I've heard that males can die in a matter of hours with this disease. Please don't blame yourself for not catching Puddin's problem in time...had you known he was sick, you would've taken him to the vet immediately. You can't blame yourself for something you weren't aware of. In dealing with the various guilts that I've had about Shiloh's passing, I've learned that one of the first positive steps we can take in our grief is to forgive ourselves and be gentle with ourselves.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

[Ann H]

Hi Jayne,
I am so sorry your lost your precious Puddin he sounds like he was a wonderful kitty. You did all you could for him and he knows you loved him and did what was best for him. It is so hard when we lose our furbabies and a peice of our heart goes with them. Although we learn to live with out them in our arms our lives will never be the same. My oldest daughters kitty had this happen to her and they operated and she was ok for a while but the second time it happened to her she could not be saved. It is a terrible thing that happens to them and you just feel so helpless when nothing can be done. It is so very sad.
Ann

[Muffins]

Welcome, PuddinsMum, Jayne:

Hi! I am so sorry about the passing of your sweet Puddin' (I love his name, by the way...)

I am sorry that you have had to find a pet grief site, but.....if you had to find one at all, Jayne, I am very happy that
you stumbled upon Lightning-Strikes....
There is soooooooooooo much love, comfort, wisdom & more, here!!!

All of us here will help you get through this!!

Please, don't ever apologize for your writing, "being all over the place"......
My goodness, I remember quite well, when I first came to LS during the very early hours of February 8, 2004 from 2:00am & on....

I felt as if what I was writing, wasn't making any sense at all.
My heart was broken, as my husband and I had put our sweet girl, Ernestine to sleep the day before.....

It didn't matter that "I thought I wasn't making sense"....because there were so many people others who were grieving as well......
Every lovely person here told me that they understood everything that I was attempting to convey, as they had
been through losing their wonderful furbabies, just like I was going through......

We are all in the same boat here....... You will find many new and wonderful friends, here.
There are some, just like yourself, who are very new in the grieving process..... Then, there are others who have been grieving from a couple of weeks to a couple of months....

Then, people like myself, who will be celebrating Ernestine's One Year Anniversary at Rainbow's Bridge, in just
about one week....
I can HARDLY BELIEVE THAT IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG!!!

It is very hard to talk about your love of a pet with many people ... because it seems, they 'just don't get it' .....

You certainly won't find that here, Jayne.....
You can say anything and everything here that you want, and just know that every single one of us will understand
what you are saying..............what you are going through.............And, we understand your feelings!!

Please Jayne, try not to feel "the guilt".... It's very normal to go through, "Well, if I had only known...."... or,"Why didn't I???", or "Why did I???", "I should've's"...........
As humans, we put ourselves through hell.........

As Kathleen said,

You can't blame yourself for something you weren't aware of.

Please don't do that to yourself..... I am soooo sorry that lil' Puddin was so young!!! God must've need a special
Angel kitty in Heaven, at Rainbow's Bridge, and chose your sweet little guy!!

Your precious Pud Pud reminds me of our sweet Lucy, in terms of "hunger"......
(We adopted two furkids from a shelter a month after our beautiful girl went to Rainbow's Bridge.....)
Ms. Lucy has diabetes and asthma...............BUT, she does get hungry much more than "the usual furkitty", and at any point, during the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the AM,.............
she'll either lay on my chest, or my side (however I'm sleeping), and give me little kisses, love bites and hugs to say, "Mom.........get up please, my dish is empty...... "

I don't think we even realise we take things for granted until we get that wake up call .... another guilt trip of mine.

I too, felt that way, after Ernestine was put to sleep............But, you know what??? You're a family.......and, we
all do the very, very best that we can......
I had sooooooooo much guilt after our girl was put to sleep..............
"Why didn't I hold her more????"
"Why did I close the bedroom door in the early morning, because her meowing kept me up???"

(Truthfully, the list went on and on)............

But, as "families"..............we all do the best we can!! (Oops, I said that earlier....but, it's so true!!!)

Please, come here very often, and share your feelings with us....

You will receive sooooooooo many more posts from new friends......
There are so many wonderful people here, who have sooooooo much wisdom!!!!

During the first few days, after Ernestine was put to sleep.............I just "couldn't do anything.....and, nothing made sense to me, at all.............."
But, someone from this site said ONE SENTENCE, that made all the sense in the world, to me......

"Denise, you took away Ernestine's pain, so that she could be WITHOUT PAIN"......
That's one sentence that made a lot of sense to me, and would I do it again, for her?????
Yes I would, in a minute.......
Just knowing that she's not in pain anymore.......that makes me happy......
I do hope that that helps you too!!!

God Bless You and Yours, Jayne.....

Love, Denise xo

[PuddinsMum]

Hi Kathleen,

Thankyou for your reply - Shiloh was the same age as Puddin - it just seems to young, so many good years ahead. I had two kittykats, Puddin and Angel who is 12, so it was only natural to believe I had many more glorious years with Puddin. It comes as a complete shock when they are this young, I wasn't expecting anything like this He was always so tough!

I had never heard of FLUTD Kathleen, till last Thursday. If looking back now to last Thursday, instinctly, I knew Puddin was ready for his 'sleep', it was only with the false hope that the vet gave me, that made me turn around and think he would be coming home ... of course, that was not meant to be. I wish I had've listened to myself but instead I "tried' selfishly for 2 more days, to bring him back to his original 'Puddin Self' - Saturday, when we said our goodbyes, I apologised for prolonging his pain and hoped that he would forgive me. When I made the decision for the catheter/medical care to bring back my Puddin, I thought it was going to just that .... bring back my Puddin' - I never even contemplated that I would lose him and prolong his pain even more. There is just no easy way .... it seems like when the outcome is like this, nothing you do or did is or was right! My house seems so empty without him today, it was the first Monday without him - the kids have gone back to school and hubby to work - the house just doesn't 'seem right'. Everytime I go into the kitchen, I am expecting him to 'race me to the foodbowl' or for him to 'see how many times he can trip me up' or seeing him sprawled out on the ottoman like a bear rug, laying on his back with his front paws and back feet spread eagle

We were surely blessed by having such beautiful babies Kathleen, and I am thanking God for allowing me to have the short time that I did with Puddin. It is bittersweet but I know we will meet again one day ..... Rainbows Bridge.

The bond that is shared between you and Shiloh is something that will never be broken, it is one of the most special feelings - treasure it and keep it close to your heart ~ she will be there by your side for eternity.

Take care of yourself ~ Hugs

Jayne,
Puddins Mum



Dear Jayne,

Puddin sounds like such a special kitty. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know how quickly things can go from bad to worse with a blocked urethra. I used to have a kitty who had the same problem. She was female, and females don't "plug up" as quickly as males. I've heard that males can die in a matter of hours with this disease. Please don't blame yourself for not catching Puddin's problem in time...had you known he was sick, you would've taken him to the vet immediately. You can't blame yourself for something you weren't aware of. In dealing with the various guilts that I've had about Shiloh's passing, I've learned that one of the first positive steps we can take in our grief is to forgive ourselves and be gentle with ourselves.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

--------------------

Shiloh, my little puppy love, you're gone from my arms, but forever in my heart. I miss you sweetie.

Shiloh
1999 - 2004

[PuddinsMum]

Hi Denise,

Thankyou so much for your letter. It is so lovely to be around people who can understand what I am going through and to hear their words of wisdom!! It is so soothing. I found LS on Saturday night, I was doing a mad search of the internet for any articles on pet bereavement, I didn't think I would be lucky enough to find a forum with such beautiful people as this one!

Thankyou for your reassurance that I made sense Denise, my head seems so full of stuff that I just cant type it fast enough - I want to say so much one minute, then the next minute my mind goes blank!

Ernestine has been at Rainbow Bridge for 1 yr next week? I hope she is there directing Puddin on which way to go Denise The name Ernistine sounds like Royalty .... classy .... and beautiful!

Lucy made me smile Denise, I love her already!!!! She has that same BOLD personality that Puddin did! Aren't they just wonderful!!!! Such a small baby but what a big personality! Puddin used to let me cradle him like a baby in my arms, laying on his back and looking up at me lovingly. He was such a MAN but still Mummys baby! They all have their own special little personality! Most people mistakenly think cats are boring, they just sleep all day .... how wrong could they be? Yesterday, I was having a 'tear' and I bent down and whispered sweet nothings to my Angel (my 12 yr young cat), she sat up and lifted her paw up to my cheek as if to say "It's ok Mum, it's gonna be ok!" Angel has always been my "Mama" because she has always seemed to sense when I am down, at night time she will always jump on my bed and come and check on me, in the day time she will always come and sit with me! If I am happy, she sleeps all day! She is my biggest support right now and LS, of course!!

How did you feel when you adopted two furkittens Denise ... my hubby wanted to do this for me, but I feel like it is too soon right now (it is only 2 days ago). Did they help you Denise? What feelings did you have when you first got them?
I never believed in clones before but boy oh boy, would I love a clone of Pud Pud!!

I have a pic of Puddin on Christmas Day, he was eating his Christmas Dinner ... I have better ones, but they are on my other computer and I don't have the energy needed for finding them right now ... you know what I mean.

I truly appreciate your time and your words Denise .... I have learnt so much in my short time on LS and I am extremely grateful!

God Bless you and yours! Give LUCY a big kiss n hug from me!!!

Jayne,
Puddins Mum.

[Muffins]

Jayne:

Just to let you know that I have said a prayer to our precious Ernestine to show your sweet Puddin "the ropes", at Rainbow's Bridge

It's sooooooooooooo wonderful to know that all of our furbabies are with each other at Rainbow's Bridge, and
they're having a blast!!!!!

Ernestine will show Puddin "how to fly", with his new Angel Wings.......

God Bless,

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xo

[PuddinsMum]

Denise,

Thankyou for your prayer Denise! Puddin' will appreciate the help! Your words brought a smile to my face, just to think of Puddin and Ernestine together in that beautiful place! Puddin's 'The Man', so he would protect your Enestine if she ever needed it

I can picture all of our LS furbabies playing and prancing in the long lush green grass, butterflies fluttering by, birds singing and the sun shining ... such a beautiful soothing thought!

Hope I didn't talk your head off (type your eyes off) in the E!

Have a wonderful night!

Jayne,
Puddin's Mum.

[Kathleen032]

Dear Jayne,

I totally agree with you about Puddin and Shiloh being so young. It makes dealing with their death so hard. I, like you, thought I would have Shiloh around for a lot more years.

Shiloh was diagnosed last May with lymphoma and I opted for chemo therapy. I did it for me, but mostly for Shiloh. I wanted to give her a chance. I knew that if I didn't give her that chance that I would always wonder what might've happened. Perhaps your decision to try to bring him back to health for those two days wasn't selfish at all. Just like I had to give Shiloh a chance, you had to give Puddin a chance. I'm sure that Puddin knew that what you did for him was an act of love...you gave him a chance, and when you saw that it wasn't working, you took away his pain. He will be forever grateful for that.

Shiloh loved kitties...I'm sure she and Puddin are having a great time at the Rainbow Bridge.
Hugs,
Kathleen

[kimberlyheide]

Hi jayne,

I am so sorry about your loss. Being a cat owner I know that cats are masters at hiding their illnesses until they are very sick. Many years ago I had a male cat that had the same thing happen to him. He did survive that ordeal, and I was also told about the commercial dry food. Your puddin was a very special cat and he is now protecting you and your family in the spirit world.


Kim

[PuddinsMum]

Dear Kathleen,

"Shiloh loved kitties...I'm sure she and Puddin are having a great time at the Rainbow Bridge."

You have no idea how soothing that is .... I think of all the beautiful animals that was so treasured and loved here at LS all together there.

Pudding will love Shiloh too, he wasn't at all scared of dogs! He was bigger than my Yorkie 'Tootsie' and whenever she would run after him and try to play, he would walk 'as cool as a cat', not caring that she was nipping at his bum

Have a wonderful evening!

Jayne,
Puddin's Mum

[PuddinsMum]

Hi Kim,

Thankyou for your words of wisdom ... it really helps. This site has been priceless over the last couple of days,!

I did have the warning signs Kim, but I had never heard about urethra blockages before. It was only when the Vet diagnosed the problem, that I read everything I could find on the Internet and realised the signs had been there ... but at that time, I didn't know what I was seeing. About two weeks ago, I remember going into my bathroom one morning and seeing that Pudding had wee wee'd in my bath tub? I couldn't believe it ... he was normally so clean? I couldn't work out why he would do that. I told him off and then started to close my bathroom door. Friday night when I was researching Puddin's illness, I read that cats with crystals in their urine, go to the toilet in the bath or plastic because in some way, it helps relieves their discomfort. Then, I believe is the start of the illness. I now know, that I have to invest in an animal care book to read up on dog/cat illness'. I have learnt alot Kim.

"Many years ago I had a male cat that had the same thing happen to him. He did survive that ordeal, and I was also told about the commercial dry food. Your puddin was a very special cat and he is now protecting you and your family in the spirit world."

Did the problem ever reoccur Kim? I have heard that once a cat gets it, it can reoccur again and again? Glad to hear that your baby came through ok!

I hope so Kim .... I am waiting for him to come to me in my dreams or some other way, just so that I know he is ok and has forgiven me.

Have a wonderful night!

Jayne,
Puddin's Mum.

[kimberlyheide]

Jayne,

When this happened to Red the only reason I spotted it was because he peed all over my husbands tools right in front of us. He did have a little blood in his urine so that was my clue to get him to the vet. It never did happen again to him or to any of my other male cats that I have to this day. Red unfortunatly died of FIP 12 years ago when he was 12. I have only fed my cats IAMS or science diet to this day after that occured. I was so upset when the vet told me the food that I was feeding him made him ill. I was going to write the purina people and give them hell.

The love that we share with our special furbabies is a pure love. Puddin is still with you but in spirit now. That bond will never die.

I posted a really neat write up I found on a site in "Yes, her name was Nothing" post. You may want to read that. It brought tears to my eyes and really helped me with what I am going thru...... If you can't find it let me know and I will send it to you!!!