Picture Of A Brokenheart, So Lost without Snookie Options

[Ann H]

I just could not stay away from here where all my dear friends are and where I have found comfort. My daughter took a picture of me to show me how sad and brokenhearted I look without my darling Snookie.

I could not believe I look 10 years older than my 51 years. All I can do is cry in spurts from missing my baby so very much. I know that some day things will be better and the pain wont be as great but for now my heart is broken. I didn't know I looked like this, I have not wanted to look in a mirror for fear of what I would see.

The only time I was away from my little girl was the times she was in the hospital. She was my constant companion and I thought of her as one of my children. I did every thing in my power to keep her as healthy and as happy as I could for as sick as she was.
Ann
I took the photo off from here.

This post has been edited by Ann H: May 7 2005, 08:13 PM

[Punky's Mommy]

Ann,

I know what you mean. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last two weeks. Not to sound cute, but I think I look my age now, which is "my early 30s" LOL. I've always been told I look young for my age - 25 yrs old max. I think Punky's passing is some kind of delineation point. All the years before his death were the years of my youth. All the years to come after his death are my middle age and old age.

Ann, hopefully as our hearts heal, our poor faces will perk back up, whaddya say

This post has been edited by Punky's Mommy: Dec 31 2004, 01:59 PM

[zoeysdad]

Hi Ann,

Your picture offers proof of just how great your love was for your sweet little Snookie. You are currently in a state of shock and total disbelief, but there will come a day when you will once again have that beautiful smile on your face and that gleam in your eyes. Though your heart is broken, it is still filled with love and compassion for people and animals and that is what makes you the wonderful person you are.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now and tell you things will get better. But the best I can do is send you this cyber hug. {{{{{{{ANN}}}}}}} I wish I could do more. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and that I fully understand the pain, sadness, and sense of loss you are currently feeling.

__Jim

[Pamela]

Yes, I know the face of a broken heart, a hurt soul exposed. The loss in your eyes, it is the grief pouring out of our body like a posion that is overflowing from a full cup. Time ...Just give it time. Love, Pamela

[Rusty's Mom]

Oh, Ann - Please know that I am thinking of you today. You have been through so much. I wish I could say something to make you feel better

I too, have been avoiding mirrors when at all possible. Punky's Mommy - You spoke what I've been feeling - like I've aged 10 years (and I'm 47) these past 3 weeks! The other day, I was walking in the mall with my husband and son and I felt if anyone looked in my direction that they were noticing just how AWFUL and OLD I look. Feeling empty on the inside and looking hollow on the outside. I also feel that the years from Rusty's death on will now be OLD AGE years.

Let's hope that time, like everyone says will be the key to us regaining some of the life we once knew.

Lynn

[dietersmom]

I've been thinking about you Ann and hope you are feeling a bit better. I wear contacts and for 8 weeks after losing Dieter, I never could put them in as I cried so much that my eyes hurt, and the contacts felt like sticks poking me when I would try. I was such a mess and just wanted to live under a blanket. You and your family are in my thoughts. I know what a difficult time this has been with your loss of Chili Bean and your precious Snookie Cookie.
(((((Ann))))
Libby

[KayKay]

I've also noticed that my personality has changed. I was always the person with the most patience for other people and a ready smile on my face. Now I have very little patience for some people and I don't smile very often. They're not real when I do smile. I don't know if I look my age (39 on Tuesday), but I feel a lot older than I am. I know the dark circles will go away because the blood vessels that broke in my eyelids are starting to go away now. We'll all get back to looking almost like our normal selves eventually, but I think there will be a difference. It will be awhile before we laugh as hard as we used to or as often and there will be a sadness in our eyes that wasn't there before, but we'll survive because that's what all of our babies would want. We might even open our homes and hearts to other furbabies, but only we will know when and if it's time.

Take the time you need to heal yourself. Try remembering two good thoughts for every sad one you have about Punky and Snookie. Your heart will begin the healing process when all the memories are out, and it can fill back up with the good ones on top instead of the sad ones.

Peace to you all.

[hegelsmom]

yes, my personality and looks have changed also.
a part of us has died. this is is so hard.

[Pamela]

Well, I am 48 and now that my face has gone back to something resembling normal, I have many new lines. It took alot out of my body...my grieving process. It affects every cell in our body. Pamela

[KayKay]

My little sister noticed the difference when she met me for lunch on Friday. We usually laugh and carry on so much that people around us just smile and shake their heads. I was very quiet and didn't have a lot to say, at least not anything she wanted to hear. If her daughters hadn't been with her, it might have been different - maybe I could have talked about Sonnie. Unfortunately, she's more of the type that doesn't keep a pet very long before she doesn't want to "deal" with it when her kids get tired of the animal. I guess I probably couldn't have talked about him. Tuesday I'm going to St. Louis with the friend of mine across the street who had to put her 14+ year old yellow lab to sleep a couple of months ago. We'll probably cry and I know we'll talk about the kids. That will help. She's a very understanding lady. It's my birthday so that means it will be 10 days since Sonnie left us. Every day is a little better, but Rob and I still miss him so much it's scary. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, making the screen even blurrier than it is without my glasses.

Ann, I hope you're doing a little better today than yesterday. Just keep writing 'cause we'll be here.