For Punky Options

[Punky's Mommy]

Marcia, thank you for the kind thoughts and words. I hope you are doing fine. I have seen in your posts that at times it's still hard for you as well. Your wee hannie-annie-o was and will always be your daughter. Just like Punky will always be my son. It's nearly impossible to think of them as "dogs" isn't it??

Denise, I don't know if you'll see this, but I just wanted to say that I laugh and cry at the same time every time I read "that's total love" and everything that's meant by it. It warms and breaks my heart because you are so right. Hehe, I don't know about a cat's butt in my face though. Ewww... (just teasing! )


Punk-a-punk,
Mommy and Daddy sends you warm love and many kisses on top of your nose. I still save tomato pieces for you!
xoxox -Mommy

[Punky's Mommy]

My Beautiful Boy,

We are not long from your one-year anniversary, sweet puppy. We are around our 10 month mark, and the moon is slowly returning to the place burned in my memory.

At this date, one year ago, I still clung to hope and denial, but you were already on your way. The cancer was already taking from you - your vision, your bladder control, your muscle tone, but I would not receive definitive medical proof of it for another few weeks. I saw how you strangely went 100% blind in a matter of days--but you were still perky. I thought of cataract surgery for you. I still left you home alone while I went out to Halloween parties. I still believed in the possibility that you had beaten cancer.

Today we had a hurricane. Last summer, during our first and worst hurricane, I remember protecting you instantly and instinctively, like my very child, when one of my favorite pine trees could no longer hold up to the winds, and fell right upon us. I had you tight in my arms and I shielded you, and we lived. Today I could not protect you. I went to your grave site to find that your body is submerged in floodwaters. If I was told a year ago that today I'd be contemplating your fur and bones as they lie buried in sand and water, it would be more than I could handle.

Tonight I lit an incense stick and its smell brought back a memory. I decided that when it is your one year anniversary, I will light the same incense that your daddy burned on your last night with us. I swore that I never wanted to smell that smell again because of the memories it holds. But tonight I decided that its OK if once a year I let myself fully feel what happened to you on that last night.

I don't cry as often as I did in the first several months after your passing, but when I do, it is no less visceral and raw.

Occasionally I come in contact with other dogs - my sister's dog, and my neighbor's dog, but they cannot compare with you. Were you an angel? You were so much more than a mere "dog". I miss your bright eyes and I miss your laughter and games.

Your daddy loves you and misses you very deeply. He is taking good care of me, and always holds and comforts me when I cry for you. When my time comes, I can't wait to find you and be with you again.

Love,
Mommmmmmy

[honeysmomforever]

Dear Punky's Mommy,

I hope you are feeling a little better today than yesterday. I am still in mourning for my beloved dog and it has been 6 months. The pain has eased a little but it will never leave completely. I had to make a difficult choice for my Baby too and I wondered if I had done the right thing. But I know now I had to help her. She was counting on me. So I wish you better days to come with many happy memories of you wonderful pet Punky.

Honey's Mom

[Punky's Mommy]

Thank you for your kind words, Honey's Mom. I am mostly able to cope, but sometimes it gets to me real bad.

I hope you're doing ok too. Your little girl was lovely and looks like a real sweetheart. I'm glad she was with you for so many years.

Love,
Punky's Mom

[bearbear]

your words are the feelings in my broken heart.your loving memories make me cry and despite my broken heart i can't seem to let it out. good luck with future loves. they continue...never replace. here is my story: i had to leave my dog, bear at home alone with my wife for 5 days. on day 4 he was hit by a truck out front. i feel he died needlessly due to negligent veterinary care. my wife, rose called the vet, explained the crisis, and he did not tell her he was unable to help due to a shoulder separation and sling on his arm. after a short wait for him to arrive at his office, he had my boy walk into his office with severe chest trama knowing he could not help us. then he had my precious baby bear, who was so strong, again walk back to the car on his own. he told us to go to another vet, 70 miles away who could do heart surgery. i'm sure the critical time he wasted knowing he could not do his job cost my bear bear the life he loved so much. he loved to run. he loved everyone he met(and he wanted to meet everyone). he loved his mommy and daddy. we couldn't even kiss around him without him crowding between us to make it a group effort. he loved his kitty, josie. they slept cuddled up together and the daily routine was upon awakening he would allow her to grab him by the face and wash his nose and ears. i never in my 48 yrs. met a more gentle creature. in his 4 short yrs. , he NEVER growled, showed his teeth or bit at anyone or another animal ! he loved car trips and whenever we were anywhere near one of his favorite places ; "his " park or one of his 2 best doggie friend's homes, he would whine like a baby-louder and louder until we acknowledge him to get out of the car. i miss him so very much and am not able to deal with my loss. i am unable to go to work, i am unable to be around people ( even those closest to me who realize how much my boy boy meant to me), and know i am alienating myself from my wife of 18 yrs. i don't know what to do-i don't know how to heal and i don't think time will provide healthy healing. i've mourned beloved pets before in my life as i have always had cats and dogs around me. last year at this time i had to bury my dad, who i loved very much., but i didn't lose my control to the point of losing my mind. i feel so empty and am even questioning my faith, which i believed to be very strong. any cyber help you could provide for me will be deeply appreciated because i am so lost. i had no closure with him-could give him no comfort when he needed me most. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! ron in pa

[Punky's Mommy]

Sweet baby dog,

I'ts almost your one-year. What I wouldn't give to have just one minute with you in my arms. Just to know that you are somewhere - that you still exist. That we'll find eachother again. That you forgive me. That I can show you one last time how much I deeply, deeply love you.

I hide my tears from Daddy now. I can't share with him anymore. He loves and misses you too, soooo much honey. But my pain has gone so deep, I can't talk to anyone.

I hope to find out someday that these tears were needless, because you were always there, smiling softly at your silly mommy who's making such a fuss.

I love you,

Momma

[Punky's Mommy]

My little boy,

Tonight is the one-year mark. I'm so, so sorry for the fear and pain you suffered during your last moments. You know that I would take it upon myself ten-fold if I could, if it would spare you. I wanted your suffering to end, you were slipping into a worse and worse state, and I thought you had told me it was what you wanted. I am forever changed by how awful it went at the end. It's not what we wanted or had any idea could happen to you.

You were such a happy boy. So full of love and cheer. I hope we gave you a good life, and looking back, those few minutes of cruelty were somehow worth 14 years of love, comfort, family, fun, play, happiness, and all your favorite treats.

I want to see you again someday. You will always be my first child. I still know you like it was just yesterday.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Love,

Mommy.