My One Regret, humbled........... Options

[Pamela]

It will always bother me that I could not go say goodbye to Moose when they put him to sleep. Now that is has all been said and done that is my deepest regret. I thought I was brave being able to stay with my father through his cancer, I am strong in some ways but the tramtic things I just cant seem to bare them, as much as I love animals I could'nt be a vet because I could'nt take the trauma, I have come to admire the people who can do those things. When I lost Moose, it knocked me down to the ground, I had never felt such grief that buckeled my knees and made me sick for 6 wks, what a mess I was phyically sick, I did'nt want to see a light at the end of the tunnel. And for the first time I did'nt have my parents to go home to when my world had fallen apart to gather my strength and try again, it has been all a learning process because I am learning when it comes down to it.. it's me and God and I am still growing up and learning the hard lessons of life and these lessons are going to come whether I try and run from them or not. I really admired an Irish Num who worked at the hospital, her job was to help people die, she had such a lite in her eyes she told me sometimes death was a bueatiful thing and she was closer to her mother back in Ireland after she had passed......(in spirt) then when they talked on the phone. I havent found the bueaty in death, but she had more knowledge and experience on the subjuect than I. Mooses death set off a chain of events, and I dont know where I am going to end up if I cant catch up, but I do know what ever happens I'll be okay. Pamela

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[SJ J & S]

really admired an Irish Num who worked at the hospital, her job was to help people die, she had such a lite in her eyes

you have no idea how your posting this has helped me.

I have been learning healing since puting Jude to sleep and had come to the opinion that it was going to be my job to help people pass over.

I have been finding this a little depressing and reading about the light in her eyes helps me to realise that maybe it wont be such a bad job.

Many Thanks
Love Sue

[Ann H]

Dear Pamela,
Not everyone is able to stay with their baby when they have to be put to sleep. It does not mean that you are not strong or that you had any less love for your baby than those that are able to stay. Death just hurts so very much and to see them die is so heart wrenching. Sometimes love will hold you there and other times love makes people run.

My sister could not stay with her poodle furbaby when they had to put her to sleep at 13 years old. She told me that when it came Snookie's time she doubted that I would be able to either. I thought that very odd at the time and questioned how she could not stand by and hold her baby after all the years of loyalty she had been given.

When my precious mother lay dieing I had the feeling to run as fast and as far as I could. But love held me there and I stayed until she took her last breath. I wanted to run when the vet said Chili Bean had to be put to sleep too but I stayed with her until she took her last breath.

Before Snookie died on her own and we thought we would have to put her to sleep my husband said he just could not be with her when it happened. I never thought any less of him. I knew without a doubt that he loved her with all his heart too. But it would just hurt him to much to witness such a traumatic thing. He wanted to remember the good times and not have that as his last vision of her. We all deal with things differently it's just the way we are made up so try not to feel so guilty you loved Moose with all your heart.

The only thing beautiful thing I can see about death is going to be with Jesus to live forever and being released from your pain and suffering. Never more to be separated from your loved ones that await you there in Heaven, and to never have to deal with death again. Although when my mom passed from this world into Heaven she lifted her arms and praised Him before she left. Maybe that's the kind of beauty about death that the nun was talking about.
Love, Ann

[Pamela]

Yes, maybe that is what she meant Ann, because my dad died praising the lord too, that would make sence to me. Sue I have seen that lite in other peoples eyes to, i think it comes with a different level of understanding, but it sure came from the inside out.

[dietersmom]

Hi Pamela,
I thought of you quite a bit on Christmas Day and hope you had a nice one, or at least made it through without too much sadness. You have had your fair share of sadness and I hope that 2005 will be a wonderful year for you and you will find everything going your way and a have the happiness you soooo deserve.
Just thinking of you
Libby