Took Snookie's Body, To Be Cremated Options

[Ann H]

My daughter and I woke up and left before day light to take our beautiful baby to the vet to be cremated. We did not have the comfort of anyone coming to get her since it is an 80 mile trip one way. So we had to make our way with Snookie in the car with us on that long journey with her lifeless body.

It was below 0 today and as I drove I thought Ann your heart is just a frozen as the world outside my in this Michigan weather. Then I looked up and I saw the moon was full and it illuminated the trees and everything on the ground. The sight was so lovely as they all had ice on them and everything sparkled.

I cried as I thought even in the midst of death, sadness, and sorrow that God gave us a breathtaking sight the trees, grass, and bushes gleamed like diamonds. I realized my heart was not frozen after all it is just empty and feels so void without my little girl but I am still able to feel love.

We stopped and took some pictures of the moon and the trees and the surrounding sights. I thanked God that even though our hearts are broken and shattered He gave us something beautiful to look at as we took my little girl up there. When the sun came out it was a glorious sight the way the sun beamed and bounced off everything.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done handing my Snookie over to the vet for him to have her cremated. I can't hardly stand the thought of having darling Snookie Cookie burned up. I even put it in my will not to do that to me since the attorney said they could not do it if it was in the will. So to have it done to my darling baby is almost unthinkable to me and it just tears my mind and heart apart.

But the ground is so frozen there would be no way to dig a grave, it was my only choice. So in one week my loving baby will come home to me in an urn, never to be able to hug, kiss, smell or hold her again.

Pictures, love in my heart, memories and an urn will be all I have left of the wonderful life I had with her. The pain is so much more than when we lost our grandbaby Chili Bean just 6 weeks and 3 days prior to losing Snookie. I know this is so long but I couldn't quit.
Ann
Always Mama's girl
My darling Snookie
2-04-94 to 12-26-04

[BabyHannahsMom]

Dear sweet Ann,
I am so sad for you, I don't know what to say at this moment. I remember, and I know, how utterly lonely your world is without your precious little girl. I am sorry you didn't have the choice to bury her. It's difficult either way, you know. Their precious little bodies we have loved and known so well for so long. But their spirits are free, no longer in those little bodies that became so frail and tired.

Just keep coming here and talking. We all love you and Snookie.
Love,
Marcia
P.S. When you feel like it, please try to read "Poem/Story For the Day - Love Never Dies" in the Tributes section. I believe it will give you some measure of comfort.

[Kathleen032]

I'm so sorry, Ann. I'm at a loss for words. I know how much your Snookie meant to you and I know how sad and lonely you must feel.

My thoughts are with you.
Love,
Kathleen

[Pamela]

All I can say is it seems true.......we see things in this world through tears that we would not see with dry eyes

[Ann H]

I am just so distraught and my heart is breaking even more today, I have had very little sleep and I have a twitch in my eye that wont stop. My face is swollen from all the crying and my checks burn from the tears. My eyes are nearly swollen shut and I feel sick to my stomach. It was hard to lay in bed and not put my arm around Snookie as I have done for so many years. My chest has a spot on it that feels like a icy cold spot that feels like a hole is there.

I am a basket case today and feel like I can't help myself much less anyone today. It is not my nature to fall apart but I feel so helpless today and my heart aches beyond belief. How I miss my little girl and just want her back in my arms but that will never be again until I get to Heaven where she awaits me.

I don't know what to do, when she died I went through and cleaned house from top to bottom frantically keeping myself busy. Now I feel so all alone and feel as though the ground has been ripped out from under me that I will never regain my footing and things will never be right again.

I didn't feel this bad when we lost Chili Bean and no one ever told me things would feel and be this way. I felt my strength ebbing before when Snookie was so sick but now I feel totally helpless. It all feels so hopeless and I can't find relief from this pain. I just need and want my Snookie. My only relief is that she is in no more pain is alive and healthy and is running and playing with all our fur babies at the Rainbow Bridge.
Ann

[Punky's Mommy]

Ann,

I can empathize with what you are feeling. I can still feel and smell my Punky in my mind's eye. But then he is not there in bed with me. And he is not in my arms. I really hope there is an afterlife and that pets go to the same place we do. I swear, I want to find my way back to God just so I can be reunited with Punky once again. At a time like this, I am tired of being so agnostic.

You and I lost our babies within 5 or so days of eachother. We should stick together and help eachother through this

-Punky's Mommy

[BabyHannahsMom]

Ann,
It may be too late, but maybe not, so I am posting something here for you to check out if you want to. I would not go ahead and post it since you have already taken little Snook's body to your vet 80 miles away, but since you said it you can "hardly stand the thought of it," ... it occurred to me just awhile ago that there may be a pet cemetary somewhere near you, so I checked online. Here is the page to first go to on the Internet:
http://www.creatures.com/Cemetery.html

Scroll down to Michigan, and then you will see two there: Pet Rest Gardens and Whispering Pines.

[Ann H]

Thanks to all of you for helping my family get through this very painful time. My husband Clair said to tell you how thankful he is for all your kindness and love you have shown.

Marcia that was wonderful of you to send me that site. The closest one to me is about 40 miles away. I cried when I saw the beautiful head stones and how serene everything looked. I wished they were not so far away. They had already taken my Snookies body away at the vets.

Clair says he feels much better that she is being cremated and nothing will be able to get to our babies body. He says he does wonder how he will feel about her being in the house in the form of ashes. Clair said maybe he will get her an urn that has a schnauzer on it and when he feels he can transfer her into it he will do it.
Love, Ann

[Ann H]

I just feel so dead inside today I can't even find the words to say what I feel. Yesterday I felt so lonely and empty and I also felt so angry and I did not even know at who or at what.

My sister called me yesterday and she started laughing about something silly and I had just dropped my little girl off to be cremated and it made me so mad I told her I did not want to talk to her and I hung up on her.

Then my dad called and said he didn't know why I should be so upset that I still had the puppy Schnitzel and if I would give her half a chance she would mean every bit as much to me as Snookie did and I would soon forget Snookie.

Forget my Snookie baby who loved me more than anyone in the world. The one who was with me night and day, the one who made it feel like maybe the world wasn't such a bad place to live in. My little girl always looked at me like I was the most wonderful thing on the face of the earth.

Snookie wanted to be with me every second of the day and I felt that way about her. Forget the greatest love of my life I don't think so. Dream on dad, she is forever etched in my heart, mind, and soul.

I do not use fowl language but yesterday I almost did I just felt so empty, sad and mad. Now today I feel sad and dead, hopeless and helpless. It was horrible to wake up and not have my Snookie sharing my pillow or to look at her sweet face.

I don't even care to get dressed today I just want to sit here and stare at this LS board wishing that none of us had to be here with our broken hearts and shattered dreams. Not to speak of our pain that feels like it will never end, and this will be a nightmare that we will never escape from. My world has dropped out from under me and I still feel like I am sitting in a 3 legged chair. Snookie and Chili Bean both left me within a 6 week 3 day span. I think I am losing my mind along with my heart.
Ann

[CheriAnn]

Dear Ann,

Again, I am SO, SO sorry you are going through this. We have all talked about all the stress you have had in your life and how strong you have been. However, this loss has just zapped you of all your strength, hasn't it? All your hours were consumed with Snookie and keeping her so safe and comfortable. I can't imagine how empty your arms must feel now.

There is just nothing that I can say that will ease your pain. All I can tell you is that we are all here for you. Write as often as you need to!

Hugs,
Cheri

[BabyHannahsMom]

Dear Ann,
We all felt pretty much the same, and you have been through so very much. The care you have been giving Snookie for such a long time took up the majority of your time, and there's no way you could feel anything than utterly lost.

Some of us didn't shower, get dressed or anything like that for days, at least! I know you are so very tired. I too wished I could just lie down and die and go to be with my girl Hannah. That feeling lasted a very long time and, even now when things go wrong, I feel that way again. I believe it's just normal.

That was insensitive of your sister and your dad, but their responses are not uncommon unfortunately. If someone hasn't been through it or doesn't have a beloved animal child, they just don't understand. I know neither of them meant to hurt you or make you angry, and I know you know that too. But it's okay to feel anger at their insensitivity. I did it too. Your feelings are all over the board -- it just hurts so terribly much -- unbearable, it seems.

Try to get some sleep and rest when you can. It's going to be an extremely difficult time -- that is putting it mildly. There's no way around it, I am sad to say. You are going to have to feel all those devastating feelings to work through the loss, but also remind yourself of how much you and Snookie shared, how lucky you both were to have each other, how much you loved her and how much she loved you and know that you will always have the memories. Know that she will live on in your heart and through you and the love you give to others.
Love,
Marcia

[Romeo's_daddy]

Ann,

I just wanted to say a couple of things. Firstly, if I had the money and knew that I was completely settled down and not going to move somewhere else, I would've had Romeo buried. However, I do not look at cremation as such a bad thing. Although many have told me that the ashes are just a shell that held Romeo's spirit, and which I happen to now believe, there are benefits to having your Snookie cremated. I can now talk to Romeo anytime I want, even though ashes aren't needed to do so, but it gives me a place to focus my attention, much the way gravesites do for those that are buried. Also, I can kiss the little cedar box he is in good night, as I do every night. That may sound weird or extreme but it again gives me a place to focus my love.

As far as Claire switching the ashes to a new urn, I believe the ashes are in a plastic bag, so it shouldn't be too traumatic. At least Romeo's are. His ashes are in a plastic bag(which I haven't even looked at). The bag is then wrapped in a cloth and the cloth is sealed with a sticker from the crematorium. Then the "package" is placed in the cedar box. In my opinion it was done very nicely. I was very impressed. I keep the cedar box locked. At first I was afraid his spirit would be locked in. Some people here gave me some good advice so I will pass it you in the event Snookie comes back in a locked box. First, once again, is that the box is not where the spirit resides. Second, the ashes are valuable to us as pet owners, and the lock is for protection. I don't know about your home, but my biggest fear would be to knock the box over and spill the ashes, so therefore it stays locked (although I did unlock it Christmas Eve and give the cloth his ashes are wrapped in a kiss).

Lastly, and this is the most difficult for me to say, is some advice on dealing with the loss of Snookie. I too was in a daze for a couple of days after Romeo died. The best thing you can do is to continue living your life. Get showered, get dressed and read or watch TV or do whatever you would normally do, no matter how tough it is. One thing I do know is that depression feeds on itself. This website is very helpful and you should continue to post and read replies to your posts; but it is not good to stare at the website all day long. Logon 6 times a day or 10 times a day or whatever you need, but please try not to bombard yourself with so much of the sadness and grief we all feel on this site. We all grieve. We all try to help one another. We all, over time, move on. But we never, ever forget the loved ones we have lost, nor should we. Do not feel guilty when you no longer cry everyday. Do not feel guilty when your love for Schnitzel grows. You will never love Schnitzel the same way you loved Snookie because they are 2 different dogs. But you can love Schnitzel as much as you loved Snookie, and you should because he is just as worthy of that love and he needs that love.

I hope I haven't offended you with anything that I have written. I truly am trying to help and truly do understand your pain. Please hang in there and God bless you and your family.

Steve

[Romeo's_daddy]

I'm sorry for calling Schnitzel a he instead of she . No harm intended.

[KayKay]

As hard as it is to say to you, Ann, you need to start living your life again. I didn't think I'd be able to say that for a long time, and I'm not going to say there aren't times when I just can't fathom how I'm going to go on, but it's true. I didn't want to go to work Monday because I looked like hell and felt the same way. Getting back in to a somewhat normal routine has helped me and my husband. It also seems to be helping the four critters we have here. My vet said it would be easier on them than us, and he's right. When I went to bring Bear in from outside just now, he went running to the back of the yard (it's fenced) just like normal. He hasn't done that since Friday night before Sonnie got so sick. If it helps him to have a routine to follow, we'll do what we need to.

We're also having Sonnie cremated, but it's out of a choice rather than a necessity. This is where we're going to live for the rest of our lives and it's Rob's family home. This is also where Sonnie lived, so we may bury his ashes in the backyard. We have a week or two to make that decision. Steve's right when he says that having an urn gives you a place to focus your love for Snookie. You can bury her in the spring when everything is fresh and starting over again if you still feel the need to do so. Take your time and make it right for all of you.

Let me also make a suggestion: do a web search for grief counselors in your area. I've found one in my state that is manned with vet students. It's the same school my regular vet went to, so I'm glad to see that. You might need to talk face-to-face with another animal lover. I went to a grief counselor when I lost my great-aunt (more like a grandmother/best friend), my father (whom I worshipped) and my first marriage fell apart all within four months. It helped me to have someone to talk to who didn't have a personal stake in my future.

I wish you all the love in the world. This is a truly trying time in your life. I promise it will get better - just give it a chance. May you find the peace I'm slowly finding for myself. Karen

[Ann H]

It hurts me to the quick to think someone can think I can start living my life so soon. I just lost Snookie 3 days ago and Chili Bean 6 weeks and 3 days before Snookie. Amber was on death's door too but recovered but all the pain and loss has left me weak and hurting. I need time to grieve the same as everyone else and that takes time. Broken shattered hearts don't heal in 3 days when we lose our babies when we have loved and been loved by for many years. The tears of healing must come and that takes time. Snookie is in my thoughts all day long and far into the night and I think that is as it should be. I took care of her for 10 long tear filled months while she was fighting for her life. She was the best thing in my whole world. I can't get back to living my life in 3 days. Take care everyone.
Ann

[kimberlyheide]

My heart goes out to you ann.. I understand the pain you are going thru. You do need to go thru the grieving process but at the same time you can't put your life on hold. I know that each time one of my special felines moves on to the next life I learn something from it. One lesson I have learned is that we must cherish life and savor each moment for it maybe our last moment on this earth. Life is very fragile.

[BabyHannahsMom]

Dear Ann,
This is going to be a short message, but I really want to encourage you to be gentle to yourself, to try to rest some, and let some of the kind members of your family wait on you and do some nice things for you. You surely must be exhausted in addition to being overwhelmed and heartbroken. It will take plenty of time, but you already know that, so just try to "take it one day at a time."

I so wanted to quote from one of the first "grief" books I bought, but there's so much I want to quote that I will try to do it tomorrow. The book is GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A PET by Betty J. Carmack. Chapter 4 is entitled "A Time To Grieve." It begins "A time to weep . . . a time to mourn" is the scriptural passage depicting this time of acute and ongoing grief, with its raw pain and intense sorrow that goes to the core of a person's soul. This is a time about suffering and giving oneself permission to grieve because of the profound absence of an animal companion." (I was going to stop there for now, but I want to go ahead a little more.) . . .

"After great love comes great grief. Mourners speak of being surprised by their grief in two important ways. The first is the overwhelming intensity and gut-wrenching nature of their grief; the second is its duration. They expected this time to be rough. They knew that the strength of their love would result in a depth of grief perhaps not experienced before. They couldn't imagine their lives without their animals. They anticipated being utterly bereft."

"But just because they anticipated intellectually the heartbreaking loss doesn't make it hurt any less. . . . Not only were the grieving stunned by how deeply they were affected, they were also surprised they could hurt for so long. . . . There's no way to get around, over, or under the grief. To try to bulldoze onself through it without the healing power of time is to abort healing. . . . Even if the death is expected or planned, when it comes, it's often shocking and surreal. . . . This stage (disbelief) provides time to absorb more gently the reality of the loss in increments one can handle. To assimilate the magnitude of the loss at once could be overwhelming. Being dazed gives one the time needed for a more gradual comprehension. Numbness and disbelief can affect every area of a person's life. . . . This is a period to be gentle with oneself -- to take care of oneself in loving and comforting ways and to accept others' nurturing. . . . After great presence comes great absence. The animal's absence is prevelant and widespread. Paradoxically, the silence accompanying the absence is unbearably loud. When the physical and spiritual presence has been so pervasive, its absence brings devastation, desolation, emptiness, and quietness. . . . Unequivocally, life has changed. Some feel this is the end of a chapter, others the end of a book. Still others feel more like it is the end of their world as they knew it. For many the idea of 'getting back to normal' is impossible. Others describe their 'world becoming silent' or 'time stopping.' However perceived, losing a beloved animal companion is a life-altering experience. . . . I wonder if some losses are ever completely resolved. The body, mind, emotions, and spirit remember. Certainly the time required to resolve a painful loss is infinitely longer than society provides us."

Okay. Tomorrow or soon I hope to quote more from this book and will post it in "articles/resources" or whatever that section is called. My post here is meant for everyone on this site, particularly our new members. I lost my little girl over 8 months ago now, and my life has forever changed. I would feel better and then something would just send me into depression and longing for Hannah and missing her so, and then I'd get better again. But then only about a month or so ago, I got really down again about it all and missing her so again that I did not really get up and out for about a week. I just couldn't. I just couldn't. I reached out for help here again and to a couple of friends. I got that help and I am doing much better now, but it has not been easy. There are times when I could so easily suc%%b to the painful memories, the "guilty" feelings, etc. I am getting better about not doing that, but I still have a ways to go and probably will need to "talk" some more here about some of these feelings again at some point.

That being said, KayKay and Romeo's Daddy (and Romeo's daddy, I know as we all do that the world is particularly unkind to men when it comes to giving them permission to feel their feelings, much less show them, and that makes me so sad), in particular (and please don't get mad or upset with me, please?), it is okay not to do anything. It is okay to just "be" and not to get back into the swing of things. It's okay to call in sick or whatever. It's okay to lie in bed, to cry, to scream or whatever you feel like. We need to feel these feelings, to let them out. That is what grieving and healing is all about, isn't it? Many, many of us did those things, especially at first and then later whenever that was the way we felt. KayKay I re-read one of your posts and you said that you felt like calling in or something and you felt you needed to talk to someone about it -- that is okay, that is normal. Please do the things you need to do, okay? Please, don't let the feelings stay inside, don't put on a strong face, try not to be afraid to cry and cry and scream or whatever. It HURTS. I know it hurts. I just wanted to go with Hannah that day I let her go -- but I didn't, and I'm still here, and I'm better now. I still miss her with all my heart, and I always will. There will never be another Hannah, but I will be okay because she is IN my heart, she is in my mind, and I loved her and she loved me, and we were blessed -- I was blessed, and I am so happy I got to have almost 16 years with my best little girl in the world.

So, Ann, everyone, please take care of yourselves.
Love and big hugs to you all.
Marcia
(LOL -- It was going to be a short post.)

[Romeo's_daddy]

Ann,

I think you are misunderstanding some of us. I for one, am not saying you should simply forget about Snookie and make pretend she was never there. That would be heartless and degrading to her memory. What I am saying is that you must force yourself to return to the daily routines of your life, even if it is only for a couple hours at a time. You will always, always, always have a hole in heart for Snookie. Even after years you will still miss her and feel an emptiness. I am simply saying that staring at this forum all day long and dwelling on your grief and and pain might make it worse. I am saddened that of everything in the long post I wrote to you, the only thing you took from it was that you should return to your life. Did anything else I wrote even matter? Did it help you at all? Because if the answer is no, then you have made my point for me. No one can tell you how or how long to grieve. But I can tell you that our intent is to try to help you with this grief, not to make you angry. Everything you do will have to be done on your own timetable. But please do not throw aside the words of those of us who truly want you to come through this horrible time in one piece, and whose only desire is to try and help you.

[Ann H]

Steve,
Yes I found your first post to be very helpful with the cremation and how you kissed Romeo's ashes and so many of the other things you said. I was comforted by other things you said to and I did not take offence to your post. I do love little Schnitzel she is a real doll and in time I'm sure I will love her even more than I do now. I am sorry you thought my post was to you.

I read KayKay, Karen's post and thought she was telling me to get over it much in the same way my dad did that I wrote about in a seperate post. I guess I was just so much in pain that I took things the wrong way. Karen I guess I need to apologize to you too. I am sorry.

I in return did not mean to hurt anyone either. I am so sorry I did without meaning to. I guess I shall back away from LS for a while for I did not intend to hurt anyone.

I have gotten so much support and compassion and help from so many people. It kills my soul to think in my grief I caused more grief when I didn't understand what people were trying to tell me. My daughter read it and said she thinks I misread it too. I am so sorry. Ann

[Romeo's_daddy]

Unfortunately when things like this happen we ride an emotional roller coaster. I was not hurt by your post, but I needed to know whether or not I should continue to try to help. I've had my dog Elvis for 13 years. Although he is currently healthy, it is always in the back of my mind that at best he only has a few years left. He has been my constant companion through some very horrible times. On days and nights when I didn't think I could survive any longer, he was always there for me, always happy to see me, always willing to give me kiss. I truly fear the day that I will lose him, by whatever means it may come. I do not know how I will cope when that happens, but I know I will survive. I will have no other choice. I truly hope that when you look into Schnitzel's little puppy face and eyes, that you will see the same adoration and love you saw with Snookie. She will be different, no doubt, but the undying love that comes without conditions will be the same. That is what makes dogs and cats so great. They love you unconditionally and as good pet owners we deserve to give them the same in return. I look forward to reading a post from you in the future that tells of how great Schnitzel is and how much you love her. Not that she has replaced Snookie, but simply that she has found a vacant piece of your heart to occupy. Good luck and try to remember the times before Snookie became so sick, and that she is now again pain free and without a worry in the world. I know she would wish the same for you.

Also, you should come here whenever you want. I don't think anyone here wants to chase you away and I certainly don't think you have caused anyone grief. But sometimes a step back is needed to gain perspective when we become so emotionally involved in matters.

Steve