I Feel Like I Shouldn't Be Posting, I haven't helped anyone else in so long Options

[Kristie]

Hi everyone,

I have been on the board many times over the last few weeks but I've been feeling so bad....I haven't been able to post for some reason. I have a new baby (new-ish now) who has had terrible colic for the last three months and who is now teething. He literally hasn't stopped crying since he was born and in the middle of all that new stress we put Kasha down. I've posted about her many times in the past but I don't think I have even begun my journey through grief yet......it's just really hitting me now. I'm mentally exausted (physically too) with my little one crying all of the time and I haven't had the chance to sit and grieve for my little furbaby......it's like I put it off for two months and now it's all hitting me at once.

I am so sad.....I miss her terribly. I keep thinking that I see her in every corner...I keep looking outside for her when I walk past the back door. My other cats are still miserable also...LeStat still won't come out. He sits on my bed 24 hours a day and cries for his sister every night.

I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even get out of the house....I'm stuck here, I'm miserable, and I have no one to talk to about all of this.

I feel like I don't really deserve it because I've been so selfish...not posting, not helping anyone else here for the last few weeks...but I need some support.

Kristie

[Pamela]

Yikes, it is odd how alot of us women when we get overwhelmed tend to turn it inward. Your guilt is unfounded, it is just a different kind of journey for you and the grief and loss will come out when it can.....and it will come out, your grieving and you dont know it cause it is coming out in different feelings. Take some time to breath and find some joy. xxoo Pamela

[Punky's Mommy]

Kristie,

Your post rang true to me. Though I think I actually have an easier time of it - because I don't have a human little one to tend to, I can focus all my efforts on Punky. After I first posted here, barely a week ago, I accepted all the support and kindness with giving very little in return. My heart ached when I figured out that some of the people here giving me comfort had themselves lost their furry little ones only days or hours before my first post.

I don't know if that helps you at all. But I just wanted to let you know that I've felt the same thing.

[Muffins]

Hi Kristie:

You are ALWAYS welcome to post here.............
Please, don't ever, ever think differently.......

Right now, you have VERY GOOD REASON TO BE OVERWHELMED, MY FRIEND.........
My Goodness, your hands are FULL!!!!!

First.........I worked for over 5 years in a Pediatric Office.........and, it's now thought that "Colic" is REALLY
"Reflux"...... (And, since I left that job about 10 years ago, it's thought that "Colic" doesn't exist anymore;
that is really "Reflux disease"; (which is QUITE PAINFUL FOR LITTLE BABIES!!!!)

What they use to treat Reflux Disease, is actually liquid forms of "Adult" medications, such as Tagamet, Pepcid, etc.

Of course, I do believe that you are probably just starting to grieve for Kasha...... Your sweet lil' human
child comes first......

it's just really hitting me now. I'm mentally exausted (physically too) with my little one crying all of the time and I haven't had the chance to sit and grieve for my little furbaby......it's like I put it off for two months and now it's all hitting me at once.

I believe that YOU HAD TO PUT OFF GRIEVING FOR KASHA FOR TWO MONTHS, BECAUSE YOUR SWEET INFANT NEEDED YOU MORE.................

And now.......You are just starting the grieving process for Kasha ......

PLEASE..........................Just because you have not posted does not mean that you do not deserve to speak here, and say that "I need help"...........

THAT'S WHAT WE ARE ALL HERE FOR, my new friend.............

And, you will get soooo much help.......

Lightning-Strike is absolutely wonderful..........

I will e-mail you my phone # and e-mail address, and please talk to me, if you'd like........
If I can help you........I would like that.....
Okay????

Love, Denise xo

[BabyHannahsMom]

Gee, Kristie -- You're not selfish at all. You've really got your hands full. I wish there were something I could do to help you. Please don't worry about not being here lately or about not responding to the other posts. We all know what it feels like to just be unable to "talk" sometimes, and I guess most of us have also felt guilty about that too! But there's really no reason to. You've always got shoulders here to cry on, okay?

I know you miss Kasha so much and I'm so sad to hear that LeStat still misses her so much that he cries too. That breaks my heart.

Please try to take care of yourself. Keep coming here. You're in my thoughts.
Marcia

[LS Support]

there is no such thing as selfishness on this board. you can help once you feel helpful, but do not ever
think there is a "point system" where you cannot go into deficit.

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

Just posting at ALL helps out. Many people need to know that they "aren't crazy" and that other people share their type of grief. Sometimes we need time to ourselves and time to move our own lives forward - just like our pets would have wanted us to do.

I have, occasionally, taken a few weeks (or month) off. But that is also a way to heal.

[Ann H]

Kristie You have been a wonderful help to me and I am so glad for your words of comfort. I try to post to everyone because I have the time and it brings me comfort to try to comfort others. We all understand when someone is not able to post although when I missed a day I did feel bad I guess that's how we all feel. Please try not to feel bad and come tell us all about your feelings.

I'm sure it must be so hard for you with your son crying all the time. Do you have anyone that could watch him for just a little bit while you can get away a few hours a week? It doesn't sound like you have anyone to help you. Out of 4 children I only had 1 that cried a lot and I know it was a relief to get away for a while. That is not saying anything bad like we don't love them but sometimes mothers need a little time away to refresh themselves to carry on.

That's sad that LeStat is still missing Kasha so much and wont come out of the bedroom and sits and cries. I'm sure it must be so hard for you, a young mother with a crying child and no time to grieve for your sweet Kasha. And I remember the feeling of being trapped in the house but thank God I had my mother and a sister who gave me a break now and then. If I lived close to you I would gladly give you time away from your son. I have 6 grand children my self, shoot I even babysit the fur grandbabies. Hugs
Ann

[Kristie]

Thanks everyone!

I know that not everyone posts ALL of the time but I just remembered how wonderful it was when I first came here. So many wonderful people answered my post and offered words of comfort that brought me such peace. I just felt badly that I was unable to do the same for the new (and old) people on this board. I know how much it means to someone visiting for the first time. I know I'm always welcome here, and I thank you endlessly for that, but I didn't feel "right" showing up after a three week silence and posting my troubles.....I'm not sure why.

At any rate, you have put my mind at ease. Thank you so much....I needed some friends right about now......

kristie

[ChrissyW]

I am very sorry that this hitting you all at once. I am afraid that is what will eventually happen to me. It has been almost 6 months since I lost my boy, Indy. I don't grieve at home . . . just in private. I have three kids and they do take my time and fill my thoughts and hands especially my 3 year is still attached to mom by the embilical cord!!!! LOL!!!! I post sparatically . . . I feel bad by not responding but sometimes I don't know what to say and sometimes I do (or I think I do). It will hit you and it hits me everyday until it is not so raw. Its okay not to post or read but if you need this place then come. I know how it is to be a mom first. It sounds as if your human baby needed mom and your baby should get that attention. They just came out of a place they were comfortable in and now all they wanted is to know that comfort again. It will pass . . . it takes time but it will pass. My niece was that way. And as your child gets older and gets over his/her colic you will have your chance to grieve for your other important baby that you have lost. My grandma always says she understands when I don't call her . . . but I need to make a point at calling her and showing her in my little way I care and love her by doing it. She tells me I know you have your hands full but as moms we will get to it. It may not be right away but we will get to it. I know this post doesn't make any sense but it is my thought. I am always going . . . and to this day I don't think I have grieved enough for my boy. Don't worry you will grieve but cir%%stances will direct your grieving process. When you are consumed with other things you put aside your feelings and go ahead. I think that is what you are doing and now you aren't as consumed with other things so you are thinking of your furbaby and now it is hitting. You are a strong person I can see it by what you are dealing with right now. You can do this all you need is a little support and I can't say it enough but this is one of the best places you could have found. The people here care and are willing to give you that little support you need. Everyone here has helped me in one way or another. Don't worry we don't count how many postings you have done . . . LS just wants to support you when you need it. I am rambling now but please don't feel bad coming here and asking for support . . . just come and accept it because everyone here is willing to give that precious gift to you and anyone that comes here. You are in my thoughts and come anytime to get support or ramble like me!!!!! LOL!!!!!
Don't feel guilty about asking anyone here for support . . . They wouldn't be here if they didn't want to be and they probably needed the same support you need.
ChrissyW

[Kathleen032]

Dear Kristie,

You words of support to me and your kind words about Shiloh have meant the world to me. Thank you.
Kathleen

[zoeysdad]

Hi Kristie,

I remember well the kind words of support you gave me in an email after reading my tribute to my Little Man. I also found comfort in reading the wonderful tribute you made for Akasha in the memorial, tribute, section of this board. You've helped many of us...so don't sell yourself short.

You are part of the LS family now, and you always will be. Whether you post or not doesn't really matter. Just know we're here when you need us.

You're in my thoughts,
__Jim

[Mimi]

Hi Kristie, I just posted for the first time here today. I just wanted you to know I am so sorry for what you're going through and can relate to some of it. I had to have my beloved cat that I had for 18 years put down when I was pregnant with twins. She was the most important thing in my life for years, but I didn't have time to grieve for her until years later. I think grief is like that. It waits until you are ready to feel it. Your human baby is overwhelming now with her needs and you have no time to do anything but survive - no sleep, stress, it must be so hard. Just know that you can put your fur baby in your pocket and hold her close until you have time to be with her again and feel your feelings. Dealing with new life and death at the same time is so overwhelming! When my babies had colic I used to take them for car rides all the time until they fell asleep. That was the only thing that worked. Even at 2 in the a.m. Whew! I know right now you're drowning, but remember, it will get better.
(If you can just get through these first few months) Mimi

[Kristie]

Dear Mimi, Jim, Kathleen, Chrissy, Ann, DJ, MD, Marcia, Denise, and all of my other wonderful friends at LS,

Thank you thank you thank you for the amazing support you have given me. You are wonderful, kind, caring, beatuiful people....your warmth astounds me. I am so glad that I found this site....your words have help heal me so much.

I just wanted to say thanks and send a wish for a very merry christmas to you and yours. It's a hard time of year to be without our little loved ones......I wish you all the best, and all the happiness in the world for the days to come.


Kristie