I Really Thought That I'd Be Over It By Now,but..., Just need a hug Options

[Solasmom]

Hello Everyone,

My darling Solas, a sixteen year old regal looking prince of a cat with a heart of gold and a true NY attitude, passed away in June. When it first happened I found such comfort here, it helped me go on. Now I am back. My grief has popped out of nowhere. I am a useless mess. I'm crying when no ones home, I think I see Solas out of the corner of my eye. I know that happens at first, but STILL? When am I gonna feel normal again? I miss that big lump of fur so much. I want to be able to reach out and pet him under his chin, in that place that would move his whiskers all forward and make him slit his eyes shut.

I don't really know what's bringing it up, but let me tell you it's been a Hell of a summer.
First we had to evacuate from not one , but two hurricanes. Florida's so lovely this time of year.
Then my 4 year old daughter was rushed to the ER after turning blue at school. 3 days in PICU that I would like to never relive again! She was tested for everything from her heart to her head and passed with flying colors, Thank God. But I am like 10 years older for the ordeal. Then both are cars were broken into and heck, they can take the stuff, what wigged me out was the idea that some creeps were right outside our door.

So I've had a little stress lately. I did notice that the first Thanksgiving w/o him seemed to bother me. I always used to get him a can of "the good food", in turkey for his own feast. We have a little cat, Snowball, who just turned one. Big deal I say, Solas had more personality in a whisker than he does. Snowball won't tolerate being held and Solas was such a loving lap cat. Stupid little fellow tries to keep escaping, one day I may let him!

I'm just a mean ol broken hearted grouch whose coming back to the place where people really "got me".

Thanks Guys,
Ariel

[Pamela]

I'm sorry. Ya know the loss really never ends..we have good days and bad days, the holidays are a time when we embrace what is close to our hearts, and this is the first year for alot of us that our furbabies arent with us I was just thinking a little while ago, when spring comes i will miss my dog Moose because it is warm and time to play. I will miss him the rest of my life, we just learn to cope one day at a time. Pamela

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

We have had Oscar now for two years. He came to us after Edgar and Jesse passed away. For two years he was standoffish, in a kitteny sort of way. No cuddling, no holding (well, only just before feeding) and no playing fetch like his uncles used to do.

I had completely given up seeing much personality in him - other than "chase me" - when he started getting cuddly, talking and sleeping between my knees at night. And he will fetch for 15 minutes at a time - and when I pick him up he nuzzled right into my neck with the back of his head...

Sometimes, like people, our furry family members need some maturity before we can begin to bond and appreciate the intricacies of their personalities. Like us, they take time to develop - and also like us, they deserve the chance to be a bit grumpy, standoffish and independant

I think your feeling sad once again is part of the healing process - healing takes time and sometimes you slide backwards a bit - but in the end you will be better off for having worked through your grief.

HUGS

[deedee]

I don't think that grief is linear, but cyclical. We are more aware of the passing of time with special occasions, and we tend to really miss the loved ones who are no longer with us at Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc.

I was out golfing one Friday afternoon and at 3:30, I burst into tears. It had been more than seven months since I had Carmen put down on a Friday at 3:30. I also had a dream about my grandmother and told myself not to wake up. When I did, I realized it was just a dream, and the grief passed over me in waves. That was a few years after she died. So there is no logic or timetable.

When we grieve, we remind ourselves not only of what we have lost, but what we once had. And that is actually a bit of a blessing.

Take care of yourself.

Dee Dee

[susanka1113]

Be gentle with yourself. I wish that grief could be contained in just a short time after losing a special one, but I suspect that is not true. I'd love to be able to set my alarm clock for "after the pain" and wake up happy. For me, I try to let it out and share it with other people who understand, which is why I'm here. You will get through it

It's been less than a week since I lost my beloved Kona girl. She, like Solas, had a lot of personality. I've tried to comfort myself by babysitting Kona's best friend, Emma, but it didn't work. All I could do is look at Emma and think "this is not Kona". Don't get me wrong, I've known Emma for all of her 11 years and love her dearly. I'm hoping that in time I'll be able to get another pup-child, but nobody will replace Kona. I'm trying to take that as a blessing in that I got to share almost 9 years with a truly special dog.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. Your feelings are valid and it's better to let them out than keep them locked up. And there's always this place to share with people who understand.

Susan

[Stymy's Mom]

Ariel,

I think the holidays are going to be hard for me. You know it will be that way when you go through your first times. The first time you walk into the room and that aren't there and the first time you have Thanksgiving without. It brings up memories of the ones you love. Try to remember Solas and the happy times you spent together with a smile or happy tears. Christmas will be hard for me but that is what I'm going to try to do. I will remember how much Stymy loved to open up presents his and mine. I will also look forward to a new start with a brand new year.

Best wishes,
Vicki